Hyper Little Thoughts

I. LOVE. this album. J.J. burned it for me last night, so yay! I've only wanted it since...oh, 1994.

So, I'm getting dressed now for Kate's party. On the one hand, yay, party! But on the other hand, ugh, North Shore party. There's a live band, a bar, and it's being catered. Maybe I should just enjoy being catered for once instead of the other way around?

But then after the party, I'm meeting up with Sam. *huge grin* He called me yesterday while he was driving into Boston and we talked for like an hour before I had to go to work. Stupid work. *kicks it*

So...I guess we'll see how it goes.

Wish me luck.

Hey look, I can still do it.

For safety, just assume they're all adult-rated.

( The First – Xander’s POV )

( Pet )

( Inside – Xander’s POV )

1. Hand tossed salad with a garlic vinegrette and grated parmasean cheese.
2. Pepper steak marinated in a peppery raspberry glaze
3. Garlic potatoes whipped with a special cinnimon butter
4. A large slice of homemade raisin bread.

All homemade, by me.

And for my next trick, I'm going to turn this giant raddish into a cute edible lamp.

It's no secret - when I fall, I fall hard and I fall fast. It usually bites me in the ass in the end because I always get hurt. So I kinda learned to turn it off and tune it out, for the most part. I still get excited when there's a potential...person in the midst. But I always know in the back of my mind that it probably won't work. (Which so isn't healthy). Plus, I'm young, and I know better ;)

But...

( Psychic )

( Sam )

So there's that. It's been a crazy couple of days, and my head is kind of spinning. I think I might sit down and write for a little while, or try to. Maybe do some laundry. I really want to call Sam, but I think twice in one day is enough. Ugh, and it's only Monday.

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 20/?
Author: chocgood84
Rating: NC-17 for brief violence and sexual content
Pairing: BtVS Spike/Xander
Author’s Note: Yes, I am aware that the timeline is a little screwed up and that Giles didn’t own the Magic Box until after Adam and after Dawn arrived. But in my reality, who’s Dawn? Adam what? Also, a huge spanking thanks to kitty_poker1 for being my official L2BL beta.
Disclaimer: These character’s aren’t mine, never were; I don’t get any profit for this hobby, so don’t sue – Thanks.
Warning: Brief violence, nudity, and hetero and homo sexual content and situations. And some h0t man-luvin.
This can also be found in my LJ Memories, as well as on my website.


Also, I'm having problems with my 'net right now, so those still waiting on comment replies, I'm not ignoring you! I just can't get online for long enough to do anything productive.




( Chapter 20! )

Firstly, summer can kiss my ass. Or rather, more accurately, this 100+ degree heat wave we're having can go away now. I feel like shit, and I know it's because I'm miserable. I hate heat. And I hate humidity more. And currently, it's 90 degrees with an 83% humidity level. Not fucking cool.

I've not been gone, I've just been without internet. In the worst way imaginable. I can catch a signal for about 1 minute at a time about 6 times a day. Which isn't even enough time to log into anything, let alone post, check email, or do anything. I am displeased.

The gay games are out of town. Don't get me wrong, it was cool, and I made a lot of money, and it was all really neat. But thank god. I couldn't handle one more tourist or one more person asking me "So, mate, what's a cool bar to go to?" Just, no.

Work...hmph. Interesting. Not good; not bad. Just...work. Speaking of, I have to be at work tomorrow at 6. I should get off sometime around 3am, then I have to shower, change, load up my car and head home. My graduation part/sister's birthday/mom's birthday party is Saturday at 2pm. So I'm driving home right after work Saturday morning. Fair warning to those attending: I may not be the most cheerful graduate ever. And I have decided to made a sign to post that reads: "Yes, it's over. Yes, I'm finished. It's great. No, I don't know what I want to do. No, I do not have a job yet. No, I do not know if or when I'm going to start graduate school. Now leave your gifts on the table and get bent. Thanks." Only, you know, I probably won't actually post it. But I'll want to. And I'll be thinking it in my head.

Also, went on a horrid date last week. I'm going to write it up so I can put it in my memoirs. Believe me, I'll be posting it under my Queer as a Football Bat tag.

On a more positive note, I had my first gay haircut (read: spent more than $20) this past week. And I like it. It's not all that different, actually, because I keep my hair pretty short. But she added in some texture and cuts so that when it grows, I can style it the way I want to. Also, I may have a date with another guy next week, which would be nice. His name's Nick. I've never dated a Nick. Could be interesting.

Now I have to finish cleaning my apartment because I'll have no time tomorrow.

Sun's coming up; Joe just left, and I'm exhausted.

Joe's a guy I met a few days ago. He's a teacher who is here to volunteer and compete in the gay games. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. Last night I was supposed to have a date with Jeff, who called and rescheduled. A couple hours later, Joe called and asked me to meet him for a drink at Cocktail. So I threw on a polo and met him.

( Cut for TMI involving some damn good man-sex )

I can't even explain how great this makes me feel. All of my issues and angst just slid away for a few hours, and I was able to relax and enjoy the moment. Granted, I'm still in afterglow, but I'm deleriously happy right now. The past few days I've been in a 100% better mood, but now I'm even beyond that. Got some of my confidence back.

I'm not crazy; he's leaving in a week. We have plans to see each other a couple more times in the coming week, but after he goes, he's gone. So there's not really a danger of misplaced feelings. But there's no reason we can't be friends who like to get together.

And it also opens the door to other things that I've closed off for a while.

And now to go to bed because I have to work tonight, and I am exhausted.

Chicago is being flooded with gay and lesbian athletes from all over the world. The Gay Games kick off this weekend. And I was just informed that I have to cancell all of my tickets for any of the events that I had planned to go to, because we're all on double duty at work during the games. I'm a little pissed off.

All those men. And those accents.

I think I just turned into Blanche Deveroux.

Think I'll go out and rollerblade.

Just got back from blading. I made it further than I have before - all around the harbor, and up to Recreation Drive (all total about 3 miles) and then back across Lake Shore, up to Gentry, and back to my apartment. I've never skated across traffic/with traffic before, and I did it all without falling. Go me! My abs are killing me right now, and so are my calves. But that's good, right? And also, I sweat through my t-shirt, and it's only like 60 out, so that's also good.

I stopped in to work to check my start time tonight, and tension was high. I just rolled my eyes, checked my schedule, and left. That's my new thing: just walk away. Smile, nod, and walk away.

Had another dentist appointment this morning. Turns out he "missed something" before, and it'll probably be twice the amount he originally estimated. I wouldn't mind paying it if I could, becuase he does really good work. But, I've already financed half of it, and I can't afford another bill every month. So I have to wait for the rest of my teeth to get fixed until I get a job with insurance.

Plans for the afternoon include: resting my tired body, taking a scalinding hot shower, reading, dishes, and work tonight.

Wednesday I have an interview for a job waiting tables downtown. It's not much, but it's something. It'll at least get me away from where I'm at now.

Things? They're not good right now.

I've pretty much been fired from Gentry. It's not official, but it's one of those "we'll talk on friday" kind of things.

I've severed ties with everyone there.

I'm just...done. So, it's me, a pack of smokes, and a bottle of Captain Morgan for the afternoon and evening.

All I've eaten in the last few days is a couple pretzels. I should eat, but I'm just not hungry.

Funny, you know? How everything goes to shit in such a short time.