Hyper Little Thoughts

...Whispers Hello, I miss you quite terribly.


I'm in Indy now.  The weekend of doom aka The Chi-Indy Dash aka Hell Weekend is almost over.

The funeral was...well, a funeral.  But for my family, that means fighting, screaming, crying, and extremely high dramatics.  I swear these people have been in show biz at some point in their lives.  Apparently there was a big fight over just who was going to carry the casket because me and Brian are "just stepkids."  Whatev.  I didn't drop it, only had to look at the body for a milasecond.  I did not, contrary to popular belief, burst in to flames upon entering the cathedral OR when the father blessed me (strange...i felt this feeling of...nothing pass through me.).

I got to see my brother's new house, though - him and his fiancee bought a house identical to my parents (very high on the creep factor, btw).  I met Jen, my future sister-in-law, and Kate, my niece (sweet girl...adhd in FULL swing, but sweet none-the-less).  I'm so proud of Brian, he's doing so encredibly well.  It is a little odd, though, trading places.  Now my parents kind of see him as the big success following in their dreams.  Meanwhile I'm kinda happy doing whatever the hell I want.  Role reversal, much?

Due to the WORST AIRPORT EVER (aka O'Hare), my flight was delayed and I missed my connecting flight, so I wound up landing in Indy an hour later than I should have, missing the formal, itself.  However, we did go and party with a bunch of the brothers.  Mostly, they like me.  yay.  AND, I have my first item with Delta Sig letters on it.  Cool.

Now I need to shower so we can grab some lunch   Then it's out to Paul's to grab his truck, to Carmel for my meeting at work, and on to Chicago to move my shit.

*sigh*

Good Day:)

One week, people.  THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

No, really - In literally a week, my life will be here (meaning, Indy, of course).  So this is what nervous is.  Nice.

The moving isn't exactly going entirely as smoothly as I hoped.  Once I finally found a rental truck for under $300, they were out.  So I'm doing this the college way: several trips in my car.  I brought down a load last night, which is really about half my apartment not including furniture.  So I'm hoping one more trip, and then borrowing a friend's truck should do it.  All these little expenses keep popping up.  And, I can't really do a whole lot because my last week at Omax is turning out to be more stressful than anything before it.  They're firing 3 managers and two employees, right during inventory/me moving.  I think they're doing this on purpose.  One call to HR has cleared up a few issues, but not everything.  I just have to survive another week and I'll be good.  Also, the landlord still hasn't gotten back to us about whether or not we even HAVE the apartment.  I'm about 90% sure we do, but it's that 10% that's nagging at me.  Frank says not to worry and to leave everything up to him.  Like I said - do you know me?  I'm not so much a "we'll just see how this goes" kinda guy.  But I'm trying.

Funny - despite all of this, I still couldn't be happier or more excited.  I mean, every thing's going to change.  I can start over, or not over, but hop in the slow lane for a bit.  Can't say that's not enticing.

*deep breath*

(I'm still kinda stuck on this - "is this really happening to me?  am I crazy?" feeling)

I just told my parents the whole shebang. Moving to Indy, in with Frank, getting a promotion at OMax. My mom was so excited for me, so happy about the whole thing. Her exact words were "congratulations on the promotion, and congratulations to both of you, I'm so happy for you."

I can't even begin to explain what a huge deal withs is. I knew eventually she'd be okay with it, but I honestly didn't expect to have her support and her blessing. It just makes everything, which was great, even better.

Oh, that was the other news - not sure if I got a chance to post it - the transfer went through, afterall, and as it turns out, it's considered a promotion.

And also - we have a place. We're waiting to hear back about our applicaiton (credit is an issue - he has little, and I have horrible). But the place is gorgeous. 1100sq feet (we think that's just an estimate, because it's huge - at least 4x the size of my current apt, which is 400sq ft), two bedrooms, dining room, living room, huge kitchen. Clawfoot bathtub in the bathroom, fireplace, chandelier in the dining room. It's aboslutely gorgeous. And I'd only be paying one third of what I pay here in Chicago.

I really can't believe that this is all happening. Everything is going so well; it's all going so right. It's all just so encredibly amazing. I get to live with this man that I love, I get to move on from things I want to, I get to change my life for the better and finally feel like I'm moving somewhere instead of backwards or sideways. It's incredible. I never in a million years thought this would actually be happening, but it is. It really is.

It's so weird to see my apartment getting emptier and emptier every day. Every box I pack and every picture I take down makes me happier, but more and more nostalgic. It's an odd feeling seeing the floor pile up with boxes of my life. In less than two weeks, it's all going to be in another place. Everything is changing again, and it's getting better. Not that within Indy's borders lies a true Utopia, but there are so many good things there.

It's strange. I haven't had a truly bad day or felt like I couldn't do anything or even felt like anything in my life is wrong in a really long time. It's something I can get used to.

Heading into Indy in a bit to check out the situation with OMax.  Wish me luck.  I'm also stopping by city hall and checking their job postings for city jobs (man, would that be nice.)

We've pretty much decided that we're going to live in Lebanon, IN.  It's half way between here and Indy.  Little smaller than Frankfort, but pretty much the same type of town.  Now I just need to find out what kind of dough I'll be making, and then we can find a place.  So, today's kind of important.

EEK


We also saw 300 last night - freaking amazing.  Without all the gore, it's like a walking wet dream.  Throw in the massive fights, and it's just...wow.

I'm being naughty and breaking the "no internet at work!" rule.  Shhhh.  Don't tell.

Is it just me or is time flying faster than ever?  It's already almost Easter.  When did that happen?

Chicago news: still hate it.  Although now that the move-date is coming faster, I'm starting to like it again in a "gosh, I'll miss my neighborhood hobo peeing on our dumpsters every morning," or "Oh, CTA, how I'll miss you always finding a way of making me 20min late for work on really important days," kinda way.  You know, sentamental things like that.  I also gave my resignation (finally) to iRi.  They were not pleased.  But, what can you do?  It's not like I really did all that much while I lived here.  Sheesh.

Indy news: Still waiting to hear back about my transfer status w/Omax.  Getting way nervous now.  I don't know if I have it in me to start looking for a job all over again in a strange place.  Frank and I are going apartment hunting this weekend while I'm there.  Looking for a two-bedroom, so we can have a game room/office area (between the two of us, we have 5 different game systems, and he wants to hook it all up into this massive entertainment thing.  I said: whatever.).  Between Indianapolis and Frankfort, probably, since we'll both have to commute.  And hopefully we'll be able to get a puppy:)

Move news: Yeah, see, I've never moved across state before, and it's a little bit odd thinking about things like declaring myself a citizen of a different state than which I was born and raised.  Having to get a new liscence.  Although, really, Indiana is just like Illinois, only there's no gigantuan city sucking up the state's population.  It's like Illinois Lite.  Also, I've never really "moved" except from college to home to college to my apt.  Which is not the same as moving from apt to apt in another place.  Not quite sure how this is going to work.  I've already started packing, though, and I went through and got rid of about half my wardrobe (is anyone else going WTF?) that I don't need, wear, or want anymore.  Frank helped - he was more than happy to.  He's a pretty minimal guy - a few t's, some jeans, and his work outfit and he's happy.  Um.  Me, not so much.

The worst/funniest/oddest part is that I still haven't told my parents.  Not that I'm seeing anyone, not that I'm moving, and definetely not that I'm moving in with my other in another state.  I don't think that conversation will go well.  It's just a theory.

Am I dreaming?  Am I asleep?


ETA: Oops, guess I typed too fast.  My parents do know that I'm seeing someone (Frank), but they don't know I'm moving to Indiana to be with him.  Sorry to give ya a heart attack, Vive ;)

Frank just left for work, leaving me all alone in his mom's house with his wacky younger brother and his very-much teen-aged sister.  Apparently they think I'm "weird."  This coming from two teenagers who have WOW parties.  I'm slightly frightened.  I was also not amused, when we got home last night, to find that my bags had been riffled through and all my cookies had been eaten.  *glare*  It's totally odd to be with someone who has siblings, not to mention underage siblings.  New experience for me.   Ah well, I'm gonna leave in a bit and bum around town and job-hunt.

Yesterday was a lot of fun.  We got woken up by his friend, Jarred, who asked to kidnap me for the day while Frank worked.  I agreed, and we wound up laying carpet at his girlfriend's dad's house.  Me and Tom, the dad, totally hit it off.  We went through his house and he was showing me all the work he's put into it, and I was offering tips and suggestions (I guess my dad did rub off a little on me) on how to do stuff cheaper, better, easier.  And it turns out that I'm the only one out of the 6 of us there yesterday that had laid carpet before, so they put me in charge.  Me and Tom had a blast joking around, poking fun at the "kids" (two of the guys yesterday were only 18).  Everything was going great; I was having fun, settling in to some potential new friends, and then Jarred threw a curve ball at me.  We had to go out to his aunt's house to get a ladder, and on the way he tells me that he thinks I shouldn't come here, and that Frank's using me to get over his ex.  Um...WTF?  He told me this in confidence, so of course I turned around and called Frank about it - I don't play those games anymore.  Frank flipped out, someone overheard, and a couple hours later Jarred cornered me about it.  I forgot how small towns are.  It all got straightened out in the end.  But now I'm somewhat suspicious of him and his girlfriend (who, it turns out, are best friends with Troy - the ex).  It's not that big of a deal, because me and Frank talked about it and I know I don't have to worry about it.  I do think it's amusing, though, that Jarred was really jealous that me and Tom get along better than he and Tom do (but see...I'm not dating his daughter.).

Frank works late tonight, so I'm kinda stuck doing nothing, watching movies, jobhunting, whatnot for the day.  And now I'm off to wally world to pick up some Pepsi because the kids here drank all mine (*glare*).

So flipping exhausted. Don't know why I'm still up.

Thinking about Frank. Kind of a big change for me (right?). I mean, him in general. He doesn't want anything from me but myself. It's really a wierd/scary/awesome feeling. I'm pretty crazy about him. This weekend I'm going to Indy to spend it with him, meeting his friends, going on dates, and hanging out. We're getting tested (yeah, that's right. I'm actually dating someone and haven't even fooled around yet. I'm proud of myself). Anyway, this could turn out to be a really big weekend. I know he's getting a hotel room so we're not sleeping at his mom's house again. Friday night we're going to a party at his frat brother's place. Should be interesting, since The Ex is on the guest list with a big fat RSVP. I'm not worried. I'm there with Frank, and that's what matters. No reason getting wierd or akward. Saturday we're going to Noblesville to hook up with his best friend from college and her family. Then Sunday night is our night. Mmm. nice.

I dropped wilde_moon off a few hours ago at the oasis. It was a good weekend, I think we all had some fun.

And, even though I'm so tired I can't stand it right now - it feels really good right now. I'm breathing easy and smiling freely. Good times are here.

Music. Nice.

The good news is that I got a little bit of sleep in. Got up and puttered around the apartment, did some cleaning. All unpacked! Finally.

Now it's time to throw some stuff in a bag and head to Indy for the night. I gotta say that even I think this is incredibly insane, even for me. I wouldn't normally even think about doing something this crazy, but I think it's time to take a few risks. And this is definetely a risk worth taking. Who knows what could happen, but I'll never find out if I don't try.

( Unveiling - in minute detail )

So that's the very short short of what's been going on. I'm terrified and excited at the same time. So encredibly excited about the changes that are happening. Even if it doesn't happen the way I'm hoping - it's something new, something different. It's something! And for that I couldn't be more excited than I am right now. (have you figured out that I'm excited?)

So tonight I'll be in Indy with Frank. wilde_moon'll be here tomorrow night for the CoRo show, and she'll be here till Monday - yay! And then Frank'll come up Saturday afternoon and stay until Sunday night or Monday morning. I hope they don't mind my Barbie's Dream Apartment. I've never had two other people stay here at the same time. Could be interesting. I've already got the weekend all planned out, and we're in for some Big Fun.

So I'm gonna run. Wish me luck:)

My time here in Los Angeles is just about over. I'm about to go check out of the hotel and head to the airport. At least I'll get to do a little sight-seeing before I fly away tonight. It's definetely been an amazing experience being out here; seeing how people live. Gives me some faith that I can get out of Chicago and survive.

If you could see me right now - I have this really large smile. Even with everything - my parent's imminent probable divorce, my family growing further apart, things in Chicago not really working out like I always dreamed, and all the other series of misfortunate events that can sometimes seem is all my life is - good things can and do happen. Every day. Great things are happening around me every second. I feel like I blind myself to them and get so wrapped up in everything. I'm trying to change that about myself. I think this has really helped me.

I'm not going home alone. I'm going home to someone, to a life, to something new and different. If life's a road trip, I'm just gonna coast for a while, if that's okay. Don't know where I'm going, and for once I like that feeling. All I see is what's in the rearview and what's right in front of me. I'm taking my foot off the gas and riding shotgun for a bit.

hmm. feeling kinda philisophical today. nice. some great things to think about on the plane.