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It's been so long since I've actually been involved in LJ land that I feel like I don't know many of you out there anymore. And I want to! So I propose this: Everyone who wants to - if many of you even still read me - leave me a comment telling me something personal about yourself. Either something I already know or something I don't know. Something stupid or funny - anything at all. Remind me, reintroduce yourself. I want to get to know you.
Definetly woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Mostly because the damn cat kept waking me up all night. If he bothers me one more time I swear I'm going to sell him to the chinese buffet across the lot. He doesn't do that to Frank anymore, just me. He gets up on bed and makes himself comfortable - and of course, because he's a cat, could care less whethr you're comfortable or not - and then if you mak the slightest move to disturb him, he'll attack your feet - claws and teeth and everything. Thank god i have thick covers. Damn cat.
This is not the best way to start my day, when I have a 10 hour shift staring me in the face. At my job which continues to get more and more unbearable. I need to get a new job ASAP so that I can finally tell them what I think of them and walk out at the worst possible moment. Hell, without the walking out part, I might just do that today. Nah probably not. Me and confrontation are unmixy things. Although I do think it's funny that when I'm in a bad mood, that doesn't seem to be the case. The first person that starts bitching at me when I get there's gonna get it. (see how I'm talking all big and tough right now? once I get there I'll be a tame little kitten. better then Salem, even. *glares at the cat sitting on my feet*)
Oh well, look on the bright side: I'll be back home and relaxing in a little over 12 hours.
*cries*
This is not the best way to start my day, when I have a 10 hour shift staring me in the face. At my job which continues to get more and more unbearable. I need to get a new job ASAP so that I can finally tell them what I think of them and walk out at the worst possible moment. Hell, without the walking out part, I might just do that today. Nah probably not. Me and confrontation are unmixy things. Although I do think it's funny that when I'm in a bad mood, that doesn't seem to be the case. The first person that starts bitching at me when I get there's gonna get it. (see how I'm talking all big and tough right now? once I get there I'll be a tame little kitten. better then Salem, even. *glares at the cat sitting on my feet*)
Oh well, look on the bright side: I'll be back home and relaxing in a little over 12 hours.
*cries*
Kinda broke down and told my mom last night about Frank and I. She read an IM window my sister had open between her and I, and called to ask why I've been down. So I told her what happened. She said she was really sorry and that she really likes him. Then she started giving me relationship advice. This is not something I'm used to. My mom & talking about relationships - it's just never happened before. It was really odd and weird. A little awkward for both of us. But then she said something that kinda flipped my lid - "just trust me, I have a feeling that if you guys are friends for a while, he'll realize that he does love you and you'll get back together. just give it time. you guys rushed so fast into this you weren't watching where you were going. but now you know, so give it time for both of you to get your bearings. just trust me. i have a feeling it'll all work out." I suspect she said this to make me feel better - which doesn't really work - but I just think it's weird. Is that in the "mom's handbook?"
I guess it's good that we talk about this stuff now. It just seems kinda...odd?
At any rate, I don't have to pretend or lie anymore, which is good.
I guess it's good that we talk about this stuff now. It just seems kinda...odd?
At any rate, I don't have to pretend or lie anymore, which is good.
Hasn't been the best day. Work was the worst it's been here, and I was so frustrated and down, I stopped at Target on the way home to buy a little happy. Walking around, I found tons of stuff I liked, even a few things I wanted - Supernatural S1 for $20. But everytime I picked up something, I'd think of a bill I need to pay. I think for only the second time in my whole life, I walked out of Target emptyhanded and feeling even worse than when I went in. I decided I wanted to rent a couple movies, but needed to stop at home first because I remembered I had a 2 for 1 coupon. Is this what my life is now?
It's raining, and cool outside, and I've got the windows open. I watched Bridge to Terebithia (I bawled like baby for a good 10 minutes - they did a really good job on it), Attic Expeditions (uh...WTF?), and now I'm getting ready to watch The Fountain. Been dozing on and off all afternoon on the couch. I called my dad while I was making dinner - he had surgery a couple days ago to replace his knee, he's doing fine. That was a bad move. I still haven't been able to tell them about Frank and I - every time we call, I dodge questions or change the subject. I'm just not ready to tell them yet - they really like him and I feel totally foolish for taking him home. I feel really bad lying, but I just can't do it right now.
Today...not so good. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.
It's raining, and cool outside, and I've got the windows open. I watched Bridge to Terebithia (I bawled like baby for a good 10 minutes - they did a really good job on it), Attic Expeditions (uh...WTF?), and now I'm getting ready to watch The Fountain. Been dozing on and off all afternoon on the couch. I called my dad while I was making dinner - he had surgery a couple days ago to replace his knee, he's doing fine. That was a bad move. I still haven't been able to tell them about Frank and I - every time we call, I dodge questions or change the subject. I'm just not ready to tell them yet - they really like him and I feel totally foolish for taking him home. I feel really bad lying, but I just can't do it right now.
Today...not so good. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.
Spent the day in Lafayette with Chelle and the kids. We went to CiCi's pizza (pizza buffet. mmmmm), then took Evan to this really cool park they have, and went for a walk in the mall. Got me some sun and fun with the kids. Flirted with by the cookie guy at the mall. Mistaken for the kids' father. All in all, not a bad way to spend my day off.
I decided it was time to talk to Frank about the way things have around here the last week, and pretty much let him know exactly how I felt. We had a pretty long talk - awkward at times, frustrating at others, and all together a new experience for me. It was really difficult to tell him all of the things I needed to - how I've been feeling about our relationship and feeling lik I was used, how alone I've been feeling, and how angry the whole situation has been making me. But I did it. We fought for a bit, and things got kinda nasty and harsh. But we talked it out. The roomate thing should get easier. I don't know that the friend part will - that's one of the things we talked a lot about (he says I make him uncomfortable sometimes with effeminate I can be). We're friends, but in the sense that we know eachother and don't dislike each other. But he has doubts we can ever be close friends, which gives me doubts about wanting to be close.
Either way, I have a definite answer to where I stand and I feel like I'm in a more solid place. Things are getting better, feeling better. Kinda nice to start back on the upward swing.
I decided it was time to talk to Frank about the way things have around here the last week, and pretty much let him know exactly how I felt. We had a pretty long talk - awkward at times, frustrating at others, and all together a new experience for me. It was really difficult to tell him all of the things I needed to - how I've been feeling about our relationship and feeling lik I was used, how alone I've been feeling, and how angry the whole situation has been making me. But I did it. We fought for a bit, and things got kinda nasty and harsh. But we talked it out. The roomate thing should get easier. I don't know that the friend part will - that's one of the things we talked a lot about (he says I make him uncomfortable sometimes with effeminate I can be). We're friends, but in the sense that we know eachother and don't dislike each other. But he has doubts we can ever be close friends, which gives me doubts about wanting to be close.
Either way, I have a definite answer to where I stand and I feel like I'm in a more solid place. Things are getting better, feeling better. Kinda nice to start back on the upward swing.
Starting to get better. This morning I woke up, and he wasn't the first thing I thought of. Kind of a big step.
We did get into a fight yesterday, which was kind of nice actually. It allowed us both to vent a little frustration, I think. Then last night we kind of hung out and talked - but only because he's out of money and can't afford to go anywhere ( doesn't really make me feel any better). I'm gonna give it a couple more days before I try to actually talk to him - there's something wrong, and he's not talking to anyone. Russ says he's a completely different person at work, and I know he is for the few minutes he's here. Chelle's pissed at him for the way he's been treating me and acting around me. She says he has no right to be an ass because a)he broke up with me, b)I don't really have anyone here besides him and her, yet, to talk to and it's not fair, and c)she likes me more. Which, not to sound bitter, but it's kind of nice ;)
We're still doing a housewarming/open house, the weekend after the 4th. I do plan on vetoing inviting Troy (I think I have that right), and cornering a couple of his friends if I don't see them before this - the friends that were supposed to also be friends with me. Maybe not the best idea, but it really kind of ticks me off that they won't even speak to me.
Gonna run now, though. Me and Chelle are taking the kids to Lafayette today. I do think it's really cool that her kids love me so much.
We did get into a fight yesterday, which was kind of nice actually. It allowed us both to vent a little frustration, I think. Then last night we kind of hung out and talked - but only because he's out of money and can't afford to go anywhere ( doesn't really make me feel any better). I'm gonna give it a couple more days before I try to actually talk to him - there's something wrong, and he's not talking to anyone. Russ says he's a completely different person at work, and I know he is for the few minutes he's here. Chelle's pissed at him for the way he's been treating me and acting around me. She says he has no right to be an ass because a)he broke up with me, b)I don't really have anyone here besides him and her, yet, to talk to and it's not fair, and c)she likes me more. Which, not to sound bitter, but it's kind of nice ;)
We're still doing a housewarming/open house, the weekend after the 4th. I do plan on vetoing inviting Troy (I think I have that right), and cornering a couple of his friends if I don't see them before this - the friends that were supposed to also be friends with me. Maybe not the best idea, but it really kind of ticks me off that they won't even speak to me.
Gonna run now, though. Me and Chelle are taking the kids to Lafayette today. I do think it's really cool that her kids love me so much.
I'm doing okay. Not quite my once-normal chipper self, but hopefully soon. There just constantly seems to be one thing or another that comes up. Just when I get almost-used to him living in the other bedroom now, he moves something from our room into there. When I'm almost used to not seeing that in here, he moves something else. I guess it's going to take a little while before we get everything straightened out and whatnot.
The thing I'm struggling the most with is the sense of aloneness I've been feeling. Because things between Frank and I are still...settling?...there hasn't really been any contact between myself and the world outside this house. It's been so long since I've had to do it, I don't really know where to go or what to do to meet people. I feel pretty odd just going to a bar by myself (ain't that a kick in the head?), and all of the friends I've met since moving here are, well, his friends. This is the hardest part for me - the "what next?" part, because that's the part that can't be rushed.
Me and Michelle - the neighbor - are doing a day out on Wednesday, taking the kids to Lafayette. Hopefully that'll brighten my mood a little bit, and at least I'll get out of the house.
I guess I've come a pretty long way. Normally these situations used to require a lot of booze and buying pretty things. Now I can barely take a drink without feeling like an alky, and the new MP3 player I bought is going back tomorrow because I feel guilty - I have bills to pay; I shouldn't be squandering my money.
I have made a definate decision, though - I'm stepping out of the game for a year. One year - no dates, no bfs, no sex. Just me. Getting to know myself my myself.
Now I need to go try and get some sleep - I haven't really been sleeping all that well, and I work at 2am tomorrow/tonight. I really can't wait for this feeling to pass. But I know it will, so I just need to ride it out.
The thing I'm struggling the most with is the sense of aloneness I've been feeling. Because things between Frank and I are still...settling?...there hasn't really been any contact between myself and the world outside this house. It's been so long since I've had to do it, I don't really know where to go or what to do to meet people. I feel pretty odd just going to a bar by myself (ain't that a kick in the head?), and all of the friends I've met since moving here are, well, his friends. This is the hardest part for me - the "what next?" part, because that's the part that can't be rushed.
Me and Michelle - the neighbor - are doing a day out on Wednesday, taking the kids to Lafayette. Hopefully that'll brighten my mood a little bit, and at least I'll get out of the house.
I guess I've come a pretty long way. Normally these situations used to require a lot of booze and buying pretty things. Now I can barely take a drink without feeling like an alky, and the new MP3 player I bought is going back tomorrow because I feel guilty - I have bills to pay; I shouldn't be squandering my money.
I have made a definate decision, though - I'm stepping out of the game for a year. One year - no dates, no bfs, no sex. Just me. Getting to know myself my myself.
Now I need to go try and get some sleep - I haven't really been sleeping all that well, and I work at 2am tomorrow/tonight. I really can't wait for this feeling to pass. But I know it will, so I just need to ride it out.
So. No, I didn't actually act on my anger in any way. That's why I wrote it out - helped me work through it. I did do some drinking and watched MiB, though.
Today's a little better.
I can deal.
We did talk a little last night, though, and I told him that in the respect of friendship, I hope he's happy and finds whatever or whomever he's searching for. But if and when it happens, at least for a little while, I don't really feel comfortable having anyone he sees be in the house. At least for now.
I did get an unexpected source of pleasure this morning, though, when he was late to work for the first time because he didn't have me nagging him to get up.
Today's a little better.
I can deal.
We did talk a little last night, though, and I told him that in the respect of friendship, I hope he's happy and finds whatever or whomever he's searching for. But if and when it happens, at least for a little while, I don't really feel comfortable having anyone he sees be in the house. At least for now.
I did get an unexpected source of pleasure this morning, though, when he was late to work for the first time because he didn't have me nagging him to get up.
Extreme, violent, combustive anger. That's where I'm at right now. So angry that I really just want to punch him in the face. Angry enough that I want to take my car for a spin at 120mph down the county highway until I cream myself against a cow or blow a tire and flip.
I'm angry that now I know he talked about this to Troy.
I'm angry because I feel used and betrayed. Whether he meant to or not, or even knew he was doing it, he used me to get over him.
I'm angry because I see he's already changed his status to "single" on everything.
I'm angry because he doesn't feel as miserable and as hurt and as lost as I do.
More than anything I'm angry at myself. I allowed this to happen. I allowed myself to be blinded, allowed myself to trust someone so completely, let them in. I'm angry at myself because now I am alone and everything is messed up again and I can't fix it. I don't know how to fix this. I'm angry because I allowed myself to become this.
I'm angry that now I know he talked about this to Troy.
I'm angry because I feel used and betrayed. Whether he meant to or not, or even knew he was doing it, he used me to get over him.
I'm angry because I see he's already changed his status to "single" on everything.
I'm angry because he doesn't feel as miserable and as hurt and as lost as I do.
More than anything I'm angry at myself. I allowed this to happen. I allowed myself to be blinded, allowed myself to trust someone so completely, let them in. I'm angry at myself because now I am alone and everything is messed up again and I can't fix it. I don't know how to fix this. I'm angry because I allowed myself to become this.
As promised and expected, it's a little better than yesterday. I still can't stand the taste of any food, and quite frankly, it makes my stomach hurl anytime I eat so I've pretty much been eating only when I know I should be. Cigarettes and Pepsi are pretty much my main source of nutrition right now, which don't glare at me - I'm nothing if not consistent.
Shelly and Evan (the neighbor and her son) came by yesterday to check on me, which was nice, but I'm not completely in the "i'm ready to see friends" kind of place yet. I'm more in the "stay at home in my old comfy ratty clothes and lay on the couch watching Roseanne and Reba reruns in the dark" kind of place. Luckily we have the Oxygen channel (how gay) and there's a marathon on every morning and night.
Today my mind is in two places. One place is the "could I have done anything different to change this?" place, which of course is foolish and I know the answer. The truth is that the was the first relationship I've ever had in which I didn't feel the need to be anything or anyone other than myself. (never mind that also at the back of this space someone is saying: that's exactly why it didn't work - I keep kicking them to shut 'em up).
The other place is more of a "what next?" place. We're still friends, and we're still roommates, but I don't really know where to go with this, this is new territory for me. You can ask anyone: I just don't become friends with exes, and I've never lived with anyone before now, so the only roommate experience I have is with my (now)ex boyfriend. I'm just wondering how this is all going to work. We said about 10 words to each other yesterday, which didn't seem too weird - but it still felt different, kinda wrong somehow.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm feeling at least a little lost right now. But I know I'll find myself again, and be even better than before. At least my life has taught me to bounce back fast.
Somewhere in here there is a sitcom just waiting to be written. Unfortunately it would only be seen on that crappy gay channel.
Shelly and Evan (the neighbor and her son) came by yesterday to check on me, which was nice, but I'm not completely in the "i'm ready to see friends" kind of place yet. I'm more in the "stay at home in my old comfy ratty clothes and lay on the couch watching Roseanne and Reba reruns in the dark" kind of place. Luckily we have the Oxygen channel (how gay) and there's a marathon on every morning and night.
Today my mind is in two places. One place is the "could I have done anything different to change this?" place, which of course is foolish and I know the answer. The truth is that the was the first relationship I've ever had in which I didn't feel the need to be anything or anyone other than myself. (never mind that also at the back of this space someone is saying: that's exactly why it didn't work - I keep kicking them to shut 'em up).
The other place is more of a "what next?" place. We're still friends, and we're still roommates, but I don't really know where to go with this, this is new territory for me. You can ask anyone: I just don't become friends with exes, and I've never lived with anyone before now, so the only roommate experience I have is with my (now)ex boyfriend. I'm just wondering how this is all going to work. We said about 10 words to each other yesterday, which didn't seem too weird - but it still felt different, kinda wrong somehow.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm feeling at least a little lost right now. But I know I'll find myself again, and be even better than before. At least my life has taught me to bounce back fast.
Somewhere in here there is a sitcom just waiting to be written. Unfortunately it would only be seen on that crappy gay channel.
It wound up being a much more difficult night than I thought it would. I cried till I made myself sick and passed out a couple of hours before I had to get up for work. So far, though, this morning's been the hardest. I guess I thought I'd wake up, and everything would be the way it was, but there he was, sleeping in the other room. Felt like curling into ball and dieing. There have been moments throughout th day that I've checked out for a bit.
It's not the end of the world, but for at least a few seconds at a time it feels like it.
This too shall pass. I just hope it hurries.
It's not the end of the world, but for at least a few seconds at a time it feels like it.
This too shall pass. I just hope it hurries.
Odd how you can forget how bad a bad day feels when it's been so long. But on the plus side - it has been quite a while (a couple months, probably).
Frank just came home and we had a long talk.
Long story short, we've decided to break up and be just friends. He just didn't feel the same way that I felt about him.
I really, honestly, feel like I haven't lost anything. I've gained a lot, and really not much will change. We're going to continue living together, be roomates, and friends.
I'm not going to lie - I am very dissapointed that this didn't work out, but I can't put any blame anywhere. Neither of us is at fault, it's simply something that happens. And in the end, things for me are far better than they were when I lived in Chicago.
It's just going to take a little adjustment. And, honestly, quite a few tears and long breaths.
I don't regret this, or anything, but is it wrong of me to wish I didn't have such a pliable heart?
Frank just came home and we had a long talk.
Long story short, we've decided to break up and be just friends. He just didn't feel the same way that I felt about him.
I really, honestly, feel like I haven't lost anything. I've gained a lot, and really not much will change. We're going to continue living together, be roomates, and friends.
I'm not going to lie - I am very dissapointed that this didn't work out, but I can't put any blame anywhere. Neither of us is at fault, it's simply something that happens. And in the end, things for me are far better than they were when I lived in Chicago.
It's just going to take a little adjustment. And, honestly, quite a few tears and long breaths.
I don't regret this, or anything, but is it wrong of me to wish I didn't have such a pliable heart?
No, Indiana has not, in fact, swallowed me whole. I am still alive. It's just amazing how little time I seem to have lately (not to mention patience) for all things computer. I have, however, been eaten by the PS2 and PSP. Guitar Hero, Kingdom Hearts, and Grand Theft Auto have sneaked into my brain and taken over. There's really nothing left up there besides triangles, squares, and x's & o's.
Work is okay. The boss had a manager barbeque the other night, which was awkward. It was Phil and his wife, Joe and his wife and daughter, Joel and his wife and daughter, Cinny and her husband, and Nancy and her husband. And me. Frank declined in lieu of golf with one of his buddies. Nope, wasn't weird at all...*chirp*
Two weekends ago, I took Frank home to meet the family. It was not, as I feared, WWIII. It was actually quite pleasant, and they all love him. My mom even gave him a big hug and welcomed him to the family (not in any way presumtuous considering we've only been together three months - but otoh when was the last time I was with anyone this long?). We saw my sister graduate, my mom be crazy (man has she gone off the deep end), my brother get in trouble, wallabies at the zoo!, and we went swimming. A Lot.
Things here on the homefront are good. Well...good, but stressful for me. Frank's started talking to Troy, the ex, as of today, and things have been kind of tense around here lately because of money and work (on my end). So I'm starting to get all the old insecurities and I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want him to think I don't trust him. But otoh, he told me to talk to him about everything - so should I say or not say that it bothers/worries me that there's the sudden reappearance of his most recent ex?
Also, some advice for those that have it to give - I'm thinking about calling one of those debt consolidation places to clean up my credit and start paying bills again. Has anyone used one? Know anyone who's used one? Pluses, minuses, personal experience much appreciated. I want to be able to fall asleep at night again and not panic waiting for someone to come bust down the door and start taking my stuff to sell off.
Oh, and one more thing: I've finally surrendered my psychofreud84 email account to the spammers, and have a new one. Anyone that wants it, let me know.
Work is okay. The boss had a manager barbeque the other night, which was awkward. It was Phil and his wife, Joe and his wife and daughter, Joel and his wife and daughter, Cinny and her husband, and Nancy and her husband. And me. Frank declined in lieu of golf with one of his buddies. Nope, wasn't weird at all...*chirp*
Two weekends ago, I took Frank home to meet the family. It was not, as I feared, WWIII. It was actually quite pleasant, and they all love him. My mom even gave him a big hug and welcomed him to the family (not in any way presumtuous considering we've only been together three months - but otoh when was the last time I was with anyone this long?). We saw my sister graduate, my mom be crazy (man has she gone off the deep end), my brother get in trouble, wallabies at the zoo!, and we went swimming. A Lot.
Things here on the homefront are good. Well...good, but stressful for me. Frank's started talking to Troy, the ex, as of today, and things have been kind of tense around here lately because of money and work (on my end). So I'm starting to get all the old insecurities and I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want him to think I don't trust him. But otoh, he told me to talk to him about everything - so should I say or not say that it bothers/worries me that there's the sudden reappearance of his most recent ex?
Also, some advice for those that have it to give - I'm thinking about calling one of those debt consolidation places to clean up my credit and start paying bills again. Has anyone used one? Know anyone who's used one? Pluses, minuses, personal experience much appreciated. I want to be able to fall asleep at night again and not panic waiting for someone to come bust down the door and start taking my stuff to sell off.
Oh, and one more thing: I've finally surrendered my psychofreud84 email account to the spammers, and have a new one. Anyone that wants it, let me know.
Just sent out my last Chicago bill! I am now NO LONGER connected to that city (except for my phone number, which will be changed next month).
Remaining balance on my electric bill - done.
Remaining balance on my rent - done. (and I can be expecting my deposit back in about 3 weeks - SWEET!)
Cable modem for comcast - on its way to denver as I type (and I can be expecting my check for the credit in about 2 weeks - SWEET!)
My checkbook is balanced for the first time in I-Don't-Know-How-Long, and yeah, sure, it's in the neg until tomorrow when my check is deposited, but after that - even after paying off two bills, shipping my modem back, and paying rent and 2 bills here, I still have a nice big chunk of my paycheck left!
Yeah, Im feeling pretty good right now.
Last night was Frank's birthday, and we went to the Moose Lodge to celebrate with his mom (who, BTW adores me). They wound up getting into some heavy family stuff while I sat there uncomfortably swimming in my drink pretending like I'm just a member of the audience (awkward much?)
Things are still going really well for us - not perfect (no such thing), and a few things we have to work on and work out, but every day things get a little better than before. I am now a full believer: things do happen for a reason.
Remaining balance on my electric bill - done.
Remaining balance on my rent - done. (and I can be expecting my deposit back in about 3 weeks - SWEET!)
Cable modem for comcast - on its way to denver as I type (and I can be expecting my check for the credit in about 2 weeks - SWEET!)
My checkbook is balanced for the first time in I-Don't-Know-How-Long, and yeah, sure, it's in the neg until tomorrow when my check is deposited, but after that - even after paying off two bills, shipping my modem back, and paying rent and 2 bills here, I still have a nice big chunk of my paycheck left!
Yeah, Im feeling pretty good right now.
Last night was Frank's birthday, and we went to the Moose Lodge to celebrate with his mom (who, BTW adores me). They wound up getting into some heavy family stuff while I sat there uncomfortably swimming in my drink pretending like I'm just a member of the audience (awkward much?)
Things are still going really well for us - not perfect (no such thing), and a few things we have to work on and work out, but every day things get a little better than before. I am now a full believer: things do happen for a reason.
Below are pictures of our place - they're large because Frank won't let me install my adobe on the computer, and I can't transfer files from my computer easily because he broke the USB drives on my laptop.
(Sidebar: here comes the whammy. I think we're starting to get on each other's nerves a little [we've had the same days off/same general hours, and spending every second together as a result - that's not good for any relationship], and today he's being a big old jerk. Okay, it's probably a two-way thing, but still. Grrr.)
(Sidebar: here comes the whammy. I think we're starting to get on each other's nerves a little [we've had the same days off/same general hours, and spending every second together as a result - that's not good for any relationship], and today he's being a big old jerk. Okay, it's probably a two-way thing, but still. Grrr.)
( Pics of our home )
Few things feel this good. I'm laying in our new bed, watching TV, after just eating a home-cooked meal and taking a scalding hot oh-so-soothing bath and getting ready to knock off to la-la-land.
Frank fell asleep on the couch downstairs, but he had such a long hard day at work I'm not even going to wake up him to come to bed. I just covered him up with a blanket and put some juice on the coffee table for him.
I'm still in strangeland here. When I come home, I'm home in a way I haven't felt before. It's not just an apartment or the place I live or even like when I called my apartment in Chicago home. This feels like it in a totally different, entirely real way. It's peculiar to me that there was a time when this was the opposite of what I wanted. It's even more peculiar to me that it makes me feel so grown up, and that I like that feeling.
Anyway, I'm off to bed.
Frank fell asleep on the couch downstairs, but he had such a long hard day at work I'm not even going to wake up him to come to bed. I just covered him up with a blanket and put some juice on the coffee table for him.
I'm still in strangeland here. When I come home, I'm home in a way I haven't felt before. It's not just an apartment or the place I live or even like when I called my apartment in Chicago home. This feels like it in a totally different, entirely real way. It's peculiar to me that there was a time when this was the opposite of what I wanted. It's even more peculiar to me that it makes me feel so grown up, and that I like that feeling.
Anyway, I'm off to bed.
First - I'm all caught up on SpN, including All Hell Breaks Loose (pt 1). But. Uh. GUH?!?
Second. Is anyone else getting ready to storm the castles of every TV network? Whatever happened to good old sitcoms? Comedy - scripted and fake as all hell. Dramas that didn't include sleeping with a roommate in the house or impregnating your lesbian sister's girlfriend who used to be married to your best friend. Or, god, even those nice old Family shows like Family Matters and Full House?
Instead, we're stuck watching shows like Flav'a of Love or heartwarming adventures of Little People in a Big World. Unless their juggling cats and spitting fire, I just don't find it entertaining.
I guess now that I'm paying for cable, I'm kind of disapointed.
Second. Is anyone else getting ready to storm the castles of every TV network? Whatever happened to good old sitcoms? Comedy - scripted and fake as all hell. Dramas that didn't include sleeping with a roommate in the house or impregnating your lesbian sister's girlfriend who used to be married to your best friend. Or, god, even those nice old Family shows like Family Matters and Full House?
Instead, we're stuck watching shows like Flav'a of Love or heartwarming adventures of Little People in a Big World. Unless their juggling cats and spitting fire, I just don't find it entertaining.
I guess now that I'm paying for cable, I'm kind of disapointed.
First - thanks for all the birthday wishes:) It was pretty low key, which was actually kind of nice. I worked in the morning, came home and napped, and Frank surprised me with flowers when he came home. Our neighbors, Shelly and Russ and their son, Evan, and baby Aaron brought over cupcakes and little Evan (he's possibly the cutest 2 year old ever) gave me a birthday card and sang me a song. Then me and Frank went to dinner, and that was about it.
We're still getting settled into our place, but it's shaping up pretty well. I do have to say that if this is anything like married life, count me in. I get to go to bed and wake up next to my guy every night and morning. It's a little difficult to get used to being an "us" and a "we" and an "and". But I really like it. I'm even enjoying the meaningless squabbles about dishes and laundry.
I am really loving it here. I've already met and hung out with more neighbors than I did living two years in Chicago. Work's going great (I may be up for another promotion in a month or two, but it's circumstantial) - everyone seems to like me. It's long shifts, but reliable, and it's nice to feel needed there. I don't think I'll ever get used to working at 4am though.
It really seems like things are pretty perfect for me right now, and I'm retardedly happy.
BTW - if anyone wants my new address, comment below and I'll email it or screen a reply back.
We're still getting settled into our place, but it's shaping up pretty well. I do have to say that if this is anything like married life, count me in. I get to go to bed and wake up next to my guy every night and morning. It's a little difficult to get used to being an "us" and a "we" and an "and". But I really like it. I'm even enjoying the meaningless squabbles about dishes and laundry.
I am really loving it here. I've already met and hung out with more neighbors than I did living two years in Chicago. Work's going great (I may be up for another promotion in a month or two, but it's circumstantial) - everyone seems to like me. It's long shifts, but reliable, and it's nice to feel needed there. I don't think I'll ever get used to working at 4am though.
It really seems like things are pretty perfect for me right now, and I'm retardedly happy.
BTW - if anyone wants my new address, comment below and I'll email it or screen a reply back.
We got the townhouse. We're going tomorrow to sign the lease and pick up the keys. We have to wait till Fri to have the electricity turned on, but I think tomorrow/night we'll start moving stuff in. It's maybe not the ideal location (I'm commuting 35 miles to work and 35 back) distance wise, but I do really like it. It's even got this really cute little patio that we can get a little breakfast table set to put out there, and a grill. Not that Frank's a morning person (hell, he's barely an afternoon person). So hopefully, by the end of the weekend, we'll have everything moved in. Then comes the horror of unpacking, and then looking for furniture to fill it - which will be a LONG, steady process.
You know, it's kind of weird, everything. I'm amazed by how well everything seems to be going, despite all of the little problems that have come up. But I can't remember being this happy before.
You know, it's kind of weird, everything. I'm amazed by how well everything seems to be going, despite all of the little problems that have come up. But I can't remember being this happy before.
Tags:
I think we have a place. A nice place. A good place. A place we can both be on the lease at. It's a townhouse, so the bedrooms and bathroom are upstairs, which I like. There are only a couple things I didn't care for - it's not really big enough to have a table, but if we finangle it a bit, we can put bar stools up at the kitchen counter. The other thing is that, as of now, we can't paint. Which means I'm stuck with white walls for another year. *cringe* I think that's a form of torture - being forced to stare at nothing. Ah well. Frank's going tomorrow to finalize stuff, and then hopefully we can sign on Thursday and move in.
My first day of work went really well. I think I might even be able to enjoy my job a little here. (or maybe i'm just being optamistic) Everyone seems really nice, and the empoloyees starting listening to me right off the bat. It was...interesting. Plus, Cinnamon, my manager, totally loves me.
Yup. I'm pretty happy:)
My first day of work went really well. I think I might even be able to enjoy my job a little here. (or maybe i'm just being optamistic) Everyone seems really nice, and the empoloyees starting listening to me right off the bat. It was...interesting. Plus, Cinnamon, my manager, totally loves me.
Yup. I'm pretty happy:)
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