Tom just left for home. He's on his Christmas break, so he's headed back to Michigan for three weeks. We've definitely gotten closer. There are some really strong feelings for him a-brewing. We just have this really awesome connection. He doesn't judge me for all the stupid things I've done. He doesn't think ill of me that I'm not further along in school/carreer. He laughs when I tell a corny joke. He's as romantic as I am. Twice now, we've had a candlelit dinner and slow danced in my living room. He made me breakfast in bed, and brought me lunch to work. He even wrote me a love letter and put it in my underwear drawer so it was the first thing I saw that morning. When I circled around everything that's happened the last few years, he actually started crying for me. And happy...I'm so damn happy right now. He loves my friends. Justin and Cari, and even Cass really like him. It's just all working.

Work...I have an interview with that mental hospital in a couple weeks (right after Christmas), so I'm really really pulling for it. It would mean moving again - north to the Lafayette area - but it would be a carreer - a real job. And it's not too far from my friends here, and just a little closer to Tom's college (just a bonus).

Family...Mom's crazy, that's no new news. Ethan was in the hospital but is out now. Poor kid, they gave him a spinal tap. My sister broke her foot in a potato sack race in Target.

Christmas is right around the corner. It's supposed to snow 6+ inches tonight and tomorrow. The new year is almost here, and I'm going into it with smiles. I can't believe what a year it's been.

I'm actually pretty gosh darn happy right now.

No particular reason, really. Was just smiling on the way home, talking to Cari, and realized that life's not so bad right now. Pretty good, actually, I should say.

Just wanted to post - I guess my LJ can be pretty doom and gloom; figured a happy post would brighten it up a bit:)

Uploaded this, a couple of y'all said "yes please". Forbidden Broadway, "Special Victim's Unit".

hxxp://www.megaupload.com/?d=MKNA70GQ (just change xx to tt).

Also, still gathering info for xmas cards! Want one? Leave me a comment here. My addy, should you want to send me one, is:

Brad Hendrix
104 1/2 E 4th St
Sheridan, IN 46069

Will make a real post soon. Too exhausted. Some great stuff, though.

Ethan spent the afternoon with grandma and uncle brad yesterday, and I took about 300 pictures. Okay, really only about 30. He's just so damned cute!



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When I left Indy yesterday, it was 65 and drizzling. When I landed in the QCs last night, it was 20 and snowing. I was not amused. Nor was I warm.

All in all, my flights went surprisingly well. No delays, no late landings, no mad rushes at the airports. Nothing like what I've heard the Thanksgiving Pilgramage to be. Oo, plus on the second leg from Detroit to here I got two seats to myself, which was nice.

So it's thanksgiving, eh? I think I'll take a valium and get ready for the day. These people make me anxious.

I'm running around like a 4 year old on heroin, getting packed and cleaning and whatnot. Cari's picking me up in about 2 hours to take me to the airport. so far Indy's not backed up at all, and I think I'll get out okay. What worries me is Detroit. I've only got an hour layover there, but the weather front isn't looking too good. I have this fear that I'm going to be stranded there. Apparently Chicago's down because of snow. *nailbiting*

Either way, I'm all bouncy and happy. Got Mariah singing my favorite xmas song, have my next date with Roland lined up for when I get back, and I'm off work the next 5 days. *bounce bounce*

I've got one more post to make, then I'm off for the weekend. Hope you all have a great holiday for those celebrating. I know that I have an awful lot to be thankful this year.

Moving on to date 2 tonight. Weird to have it like right after, but our schedules are both pretty hectic. He's a pretty cool guy. But I will not be going overboard as is my MO. No more crazyness for Brad. Plus, like I said before, I'm not really looking to get into a relationship for the next couple years. But. I did have a lot of fun, and I do like him. So, I think I'll ride this wave.

Now to drink my coffee (LATE night), grab some oatmeal because it's that kind of morning, and head to work. Then it's home, a quick nap, dropping the pup off (*sniffle) at his parents, and up to Kokomo for some movies and video games with Roland.

PS. I'd forgotten how nice it was to be asked to dance, and to end the evening in a kiss.

So what if he pooped on the carpet, and peed on my bed. And doesn't let me eat anything without being right there.

I want a puppy. Of my own.

Dear Santa,

Please bring me a cowboy, and a puppy. I've been real good all year.

Love,
Tommy Brad


PS: Also, Ghirardelli Chocolate squares with caramel filling. *dies* it's a good day.

What exactly is it about talking to my mum that turns me into a blithering idiot? Oh right...I think it's that she's a raving loon.

*crazy headshake*

Well...this time, at least I'm only spoiled, self-centered and ungrateful. If you think that's bad, you should have heard the shit she called my brother. Wow. She wanted me to get in the middle of a fight she's having with Brian over baby Ethan. I used to wonder why a)I'm crazy, b)have insecurity issues, c)have always wanted to be away from my family, and d)have huge trust/love/acceptance issues. Um. I don't wonder anymore. I'm prrrreeeeetttty sure I've pinpointed that. Paging Dr. Freud. Because it's not that I don't love my mother/family, it's that I love her/them too much sometimes, and I let that control, dictate, and manipulate my life to too great a degree. So, I think to clear up my guilt issues, I'm not accepting gifts from them anymore (except for normal ones). Along with that means no asking for help. To alleviate that trapped feeling, I need to set up personal boundaries with them. I need for them to know that it is not okay for one of them to call me just to rant about another, and drag me into the middle - I am not and should not be expected to be my family's psychotherapist. I need to start voicing my own wants and needs when confronted with theirs, and stand up for myself as a son, brother, and man.

And further on this topic, I need to finally get my act together and start making plans. Biff is handing in his resignation at the end of the month, and I think it's time I stepped up. I don't like the job - it is not something I want to do forever. However, a double in my salary can help me achieve the things I want for the moment and make more stable plans for the future. If I get the job, and the salary I desire, within a year I can get rid of this debt that's stopping me from a lot of things. I can start building back my credit. I can save up money for my move west. Because that, that will happen. I'm moving to Seattle, and going back to school, even if it's delayed more than I thought. By 25, I will be there. That's one year and a half. That's not a dream, not a plan - it's a goal.

And one of the best things about this goal - one of the things I like the most about it - is that this is a goal for me. I have not factored in "finding someone" or even made space for it. I don't need anyone. I'm not going to be in my 20s forever, and I can't plan my life around anyone else. This is my time. This...thing with Frank taught me a lot of valuable lessons. It hurt a lot, what he did. Still hurts sometimes. But I'm not dead. The world didn't end. Life goes on. And my family...they're my family. I can't change them, but I can change the impact they have on me, the power they hold over me. I have the power.

Well...wasn't that inspirational. But seriously, folks. I'm in a very positive frame of mind right now, and feeling very much attuned to what I want - for the first time in a long time. I have focus. I can do this.

i. want. a. refrigerator. guy came back. compressor's bad. $600 to fix. hell. no.

why does shit have to be so god damned expensive? the only cheap fridges i can find anywhere are those damn mini-fridges. and, no. just, no. do i look like a college student?

grrrrrrr

looks like my days of soup are not, afterall, over.

i'm just going to be over here in the corner, throwing a temper tantrum.