Hyper Little Thoughts

Because today has really been teh sucketh, and I still have another 4 hours until I'm done with classes, I've decided to babble and/or rant. ( Read if you want, skip if you don't. )

A question for my older-than-myself flisters.

Does the whole love/attraction/mate thing get easier? Is it because of age or experience?

I'm young, I know. It's just that the question strikes me every so often. I'm just so disasterous in this area of my life. I'm just wondering if maybe I'm jinxed or cursed or something. Or is it pretty typical that you crash and burn and fall before you can finally get it right?

FYI: This actually isn't in regards to Matt.

It's snowing out - first time in weeks. It's a grey day. And it's 9am, I'm getting ready for class.

I didn't get much sleep last night, and I'm really tired. I hate it when I have too much on my mind to sleep. Then, when I finally do get to sleep, I dream so vividly, and I wake up even more tired than I was when I went to bed.

I'm trying to wrap my head around all that's happened the last couple of weeks, and it makes my brain hurt. It feels mushy and squishy, and I don't particularily like it.

And now it's time for class. So I have to make myself presentable for a couple hours, then I can come home, take a bath, change in my jammies, and spend the rest of the day housebound.

Yup. I sure am exciting.

Just a line to let anyone know who was worried, that I'm okay. I overreacted and drank way more than I should have, hence the previous post. Sorry if I frightened anyone or upset anyone.

I actually am okay. We went to lunch today with a friend of mine, Kate, and had a fun time. He's coming over here and I'm making him dinner after he gets off work, so I'm sure we'll talk about it then.

Remarkably, I did get up and go to class this morning, though I was still drunk. I feel much better now, but I'm really tired. I'm gonna go take a bath and steam out some of the crap in my system. And then I'm going to take a quick nap and clean up some stuff before he comes over.

Really, I'm fine. I meant what I said before everything started happening - I really do want him as a friend. And at least I still have that, and will have that.

Without someone to take them, I didn't get many pictures. Two of Nando and on of the three of us. But now you can see what my friends look like:)

( Cut for your flists. )

And now I'm contemplating whether or not I want to go out tonight. I'm tired and probably shouldn't. But I start school the day after tomorrow, so tonight'll be my last chance for a while (at least...it's supposed to be *evil grin*). So maybe I'll go out, not planning on it being a wild and crazy night. Of course, usually what happens is that it *turns into* that kind of a night. Which, if so, cool. But if not, cool too. At least then I won't feel like I'm wasting my last free night for the next three months.

Yes, I'm blitzed. But still coherant. I'm not *that* bad - only three cocktails...hah.

1st of all. Matt wound up not making it. So, yet again I spent a new year's eve with no one. But, on the flip side, I spent it when my friends, which is the best thing in the world, next to a partner. I love my friends so much.

2nd of all. I worked 13.5 hours today @ Gentry. My feet hurt so bad that not even a scalding hot foot massage could help. And I don't even want to look at stairs for a few days.

3rdly. We all went to Charlies after we closed the bar, where I proceeded to get innebriated, but I saw a whole bunch of people I know, which is always fun. And all kinds of guys were checking me out. One guy I thought was really hot came up, winked at me, and grabbed my ass. *happy sigh*

4th. I really really really miss Matt. I want him to come home. Now.

And finally - I fucking made bank tonight. And no matter how bitchy or uppity this sounds - when we got to Charlie's and there was a line around the fucking block, and they let me go in ahead of everyone without paying the $20 cover charge - that was freaking grand. I could *definetely* get used to that.

But now it's 5:30 am and I am so exhausted I can't stand it, so I'm turning in. I really do hope, though, that everyone had a spectacular night and that we all have the best fucking year in the world. Because I know my friends (all of you, included!) all deserve it. And I know that with everything that's happened in the last year, only good things can come.

*ahem*

I am most definetely not fucked up at all.

( Cut for Drunken Foolishness )

Also. Matt comes back tomorrow! *squee*

Isn't it amazing how shopping can make you feel so much better?

Yes. I am that gay.

But now I have several different outfit options for tomorrow. I'm going to check Target later this afternoon for different pants. The ones I got bunch in the crotch - which, not that big of a deal, but it still looks odd - and aren't exactly white. Do you know how hard it is to find white pants in December? What I really want are tight tight white jeans. *glares at clothing stores* Don't they know that whole White after Labor Day thing is so over? I mean, really.

And for those of you wondering - there shall be pictures. I'm taking my camera tomorrow so everyone can take pictures, so I should have tons of me and the guys, and possibly Matthew:)

And now, for some lunch. That chocolate covered espresso bean I ate an hour ago just didn't do the trick. Nor did the white chocolate mocha I drank. Blerk.

You know. I think this whole positive outlook/attitude thing can really work for me.

I didn't post about it, but I was starting to be slightly alarmed because I don't work for another couple of weeks (catering's at a stand still for the next month or so), and I wasn't sure if I was going to have enough money to pay all my bills and stuff this month, let alone next month.

Instead of freaking out about it, I had faith that it would work itself out.

And it did. I got this quarter's loan money deposited today, which gives me some give-room until I can find another job or until business picks up.

Who knew?

I realize, of course, that I didn't actually post this - it was just neuroticism in my head - earlier.

I was incredibly worried about my beloved Matthew:) I hadn't heard from him since Christmas Eve when he sent out a mass Txt letting us all know that he was in White Trash Hell. So yeah, I've been worried and a teensy bit (okay, a lot) crazy about what was going on, and why I hadn't heard from him, and did something terrible happen?

He txted me tonight to let me know that no, he is not dead, but he forgot his phone charger here in Chicago and his phone died right after sending out that txt on Xmas eve. And that he will be back on Saturday (!? *cries*) and can't wait to see me and hang out.

In short - I miss him something terrible, and can't wait until Saturday.

Also, I've had about 5 drinks, about half of my usual, and I'm wasted. Like, GONE, wasted. And you know what? It feels perty good.

And. Matt comes home in four days. FOUR DAYS! *whoot*