Hyper Little Thoughts

It wound up being a much more difficult night than I thought it would.  I cried till I made myself sick and passed out a couple of hours before I had to get up for work.  So far, though, this morning's been the hardest.  I guess I thought I'd wake up, and everything would be the way it was, but there he was, sleeping in the other room.  Felt like curling into ball and dieing.  There have been moments throughout th day that I've checked out for a bit.

It's not the end of the world, but for at least a few seconds at a time it feels like it.

This too shall pass.  I just hope it hurries.

No, Indiana has not, in fact, swallowed me whole.  I am still alive.  It's just amazing how little time I seem to have lately (not to mention patience) for all things computer.  I have, however, been eaten by the PS2 and PSP.  Guitar Hero, Kingdom Hearts, and Grand Theft Auto have sneaked into my brain and taken over.  There's really nothing left up there besides triangles, squares, and x's & o's.

Work is okay.  The boss had a manager barbeque the other night, which was awkward.  It was Phil and his wife, Joe and his wife and daughter, Joel and his wife and daughter, Cinny and her husband, and Nancy and her husband.  And me.  Frank declined in lieu of golf with one of his buddies.  Nope, wasn't weird at all...*chirp*

Two weekends ago, I took Frank home to meet the family.  It was not, as I feared, WWIII.  It was actually quite pleasant, and they all love him.  My  mom even gave him a big hug and welcomed him to the family (not in any way presumtuous considering we've only been together three months - but otoh when was the last time I was with anyone this long?).  We saw my sister graduate, my mom be crazy (man has she gone off the deep end), my brother get in trouble, wallabies at the zoo!, and we went swimming.  A Lot.

Things here on the homefront are good.  Well...good, but stressful for me.  Frank's started talking to Troy, the ex, as of today, and things have been kind of tense around here lately because of money and work (on my end).  So I'm starting to get all the old insecurities and I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want him to think I don't trust him.  But otoh, he told me to talk to him about everything - so should I say or not say that it bothers/worries me that there's the sudden reappearance of his most recent ex?

Also, some advice for those that have it to give - I'm thinking about calling one of those debt consolidation places to clean up my credit and start paying bills again.  Has anyone used one?  Know anyone who's used one?  Pluses, minuses, personal experience much appreciated.  I want to be able to fall asleep at night again and not panic waiting for someone to come bust down the door and start taking my stuff to sell off.

Oh, and one more thing: I've finally surrendered my psychofreud84 email account to the spammers, and have a new one.  Anyone that wants it, let me know.

Below are pictures of our place - they're large because Frank won't let me install my adobe on the computer, and I can't transfer files from my computer easily because he broke the USB drives on my laptop.

(Sidebar: here comes the whammy.  I think we're starting to get on each other's nerves a little [we've had the same days off/same general hours, and spending every second together as a result - that's not good for any relationship], and today he's being a big old jerk.  Okay, it's probably a two-way thing, but still.  Grrr.)

First - I'm all caught up on SpN, including All Hell Breaks Loose (pt 1).  But.  Uh.  GUH?!?

Second.  Is anyone else getting ready to storm the castles of every TV network?  Whatever happened to good old sitcoms?  Comedy - scripted and fake as all hell.  Dramas that didn't include sleeping with a roommate in the house or impregnating your lesbian sister's girlfriend who used to be married to your best friend.  Or, god, even those nice old Family shows like Family Matters and Full House?

Instead, we're stuck watching shows like Flav'a of Love or heartwarming adventures of Little People in a Big World.  Unless their juggling cats and spitting fire, I just don't find it entertaining.

I guess now that I'm paying for cable, I'm kind of disapointed.

We got the townhouse.  We're going tomorrow to sign the lease and pick up the keys.  We have to wait till Fri to have the electricity turned on, but I think tomorrow/night we'll start moving stuff in.  It's maybe not the ideal location (I'm commuting 35 miles to work and 35 back) distance wise, but I do really like it.  It's even got this really cute little patio that we can get a little breakfast table set to put out there, and a grill.  Not that Frank's a morning person (hell, he's barely an afternoon person).  So hopefully, by the end of the weekend, we'll have everything moved in.  Then comes the horror of unpacking, and then looking for furniture to fill it - which will be a LONG, steady process.

You know, it's kind of weird, everything.  I'm amazed by how well everything seems to be going, despite all of the little problems that have come up.  But I can't remember being this happy before.

...Whispers Hello, I miss you quite terribly.


I'm in Indy now.  The weekend of doom aka The Chi-Indy Dash aka Hell Weekend is almost over.

The funeral was...well, a funeral.  But for my family, that means fighting, screaming, crying, and extremely high dramatics.  I swear these people have been in show biz at some point in their lives.  Apparently there was a big fight over just who was going to carry the casket because me and Brian are "just stepkids."  Whatev.  I didn't drop it, only had to look at the body for a milasecond.  I did not, contrary to popular belief, burst in to flames upon entering the cathedral OR when the father blessed me (strange...i felt this feeling of...nothing pass through me.).

I got to see my brother's new house, though - him and his fiancee bought a house identical to my parents (very high on the creep factor, btw).  I met Jen, my future sister-in-law, and Kate, my niece (sweet girl...adhd in FULL swing, but sweet none-the-less).  I'm so proud of Brian, he's doing so encredibly well.  It is a little odd, though, trading places.  Now my parents kind of see him as the big success following in their dreams.  Meanwhile I'm kinda happy doing whatever the hell I want.  Role reversal, much?

Due to the WORST AIRPORT EVER (aka O'Hare), my flight was delayed and I missed my connecting flight, so I wound up landing in Indy an hour later than I should have, missing the formal, itself.  However, we did go and party with a bunch of the brothers.  Mostly, they like me.  yay.  AND, I have my first item with Delta Sig letters on it.  Cool.

Now I need to shower so we can grab some lunch   Then it's out to Paul's to grab his truck, to Carmel for my meeting at work, and on to Chicago to move my shit.

*sigh*

Good Day:)

One week, people.  THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

No, really - In literally a week, my life will be here (meaning, Indy, of course).  So this is what nervous is.  Nice.

The moving isn't exactly going entirely as smoothly as I hoped.  Once I finally found a rental truck for under $300, they were out.  So I'm doing this the college way: several trips in my car.  I brought down a load last night, which is really about half my apartment not including furniture.  So I'm hoping one more trip, and then borrowing a friend's truck should do it.  All these little expenses keep popping up.  And, I can't really do a whole lot because my last week at Omax is turning out to be more stressful than anything before it.  They're firing 3 managers and two employees, right during inventory/me moving.  I think they're doing this on purpose.  One call to HR has cleared up a few issues, but not everything.  I just have to survive another week and I'll be good.  Also, the landlord still hasn't gotten back to us about whether or not we even HAVE the apartment.  I'm about 90% sure we do, but it's that 10% that's nagging at me.  Frank says not to worry and to leave everything up to him.  Like I said - do you know me?  I'm not so much a "we'll just see how this goes" kinda guy.  But I'm trying.

Funny - despite all of this, I still couldn't be happier or more excited.  I mean, every thing's going to change.  I can start over, or not over, but hop in the slow lane for a bit.  Can't say that's not enticing.

*deep breath*

(I'm still kinda stuck on this - "is this really happening to me?  am I crazy?" feeling)

I just told my parents the whole shebang. Moving to Indy, in with Frank, getting a promotion at OMax. My mom was so excited for me, so happy about the whole thing. Her exact words were "congratulations on the promotion, and congratulations to both of you, I'm so happy for you."

I can't even begin to explain what a huge deal withs is. I knew eventually she'd be okay with it, but I honestly didn't expect to have her support and her blessing. It just makes everything, which was great, even better.

Oh, that was the other news - not sure if I got a chance to post it - the transfer went through, afterall, and as it turns out, it's considered a promotion.

And also - we have a place. We're waiting to hear back about our applicaiton (credit is an issue - he has little, and I have horrible). But the place is gorgeous. 1100sq feet (we think that's just an estimate, because it's huge - at least 4x the size of my current apt, which is 400sq ft), two bedrooms, dining room, living room, huge kitchen. Clawfoot bathtub in the bathroom, fireplace, chandelier in the dining room. It's aboslutely gorgeous. And I'd only be paying one third of what I pay here in Chicago.

I really can't believe that this is all happening. Everything is going so well; it's all going so right. It's all just so encredibly amazing. I get to live with this man that I love, I get to move on from things I want to, I get to change my life for the better and finally feel like I'm moving somewhere instead of backwards or sideways. It's incredible. I never in a million years thought this would actually be happening, but it is. It really is.

It's so weird to see my apartment getting emptier and emptier every day. Every box I pack and every picture I take down makes me happier, but more and more nostalgic. It's an odd feeling seeing the floor pile up with boxes of my life. In less than two weeks, it's all going to be in another place. Everything is changing again, and it's getting better. Not that within Indy's borders lies a true Utopia, but there are so many good things there.

It's strange. I haven't had a truly bad day or felt like I couldn't do anything or even felt like anything in my life is wrong in a really long time. It's something I can get used to.

Heading into Indy in a bit to check out the situation with OMax.  Wish me luck.  I'm also stopping by city hall and checking their job postings for city jobs (man, would that be nice.)

We've pretty much decided that we're going to live in Lebanon, IN.  It's half way between here and Indy.  Little smaller than Frankfort, but pretty much the same type of town.  Now I just need to find out what kind of dough I'll be making, and then we can find a place.  So, today's kind of important.

EEK


We also saw 300 last night - freaking amazing.  Without all the gore, it's like a walking wet dream.  Throw in the massive fights, and it's just...wow.

I'm being naughty and breaking the "no internet at work!" rule.  Shhhh.  Don't tell.

Is it just me or is time flying faster than ever?  It's already almost Easter.  When did that happen?

Chicago news: still hate it.  Although now that the move-date is coming faster, I'm starting to like it again in a "gosh, I'll miss my neighborhood hobo peeing on our dumpsters every morning," or "Oh, CTA, how I'll miss you always finding a way of making me 20min late for work on really important days," kinda way.  You know, sentamental things like that.  I also gave my resignation (finally) to iRi.  They were not pleased.  But, what can you do?  It's not like I really did all that much while I lived here.  Sheesh.

Indy news: Still waiting to hear back about my transfer status w/Omax.  Getting way nervous now.  I don't know if I have it in me to start looking for a job all over again in a strange place.  Frank and I are going apartment hunting this weekend while I'm there.  Looking for a two-bedroom, so we can have a game room/office area (between the two of us, we have 5 different game systems, and he wants to hook it all up into this massive entertainment thing.  I said: whatever.).  Between Indianapolis and Frankfort, probably, since we'll both have to commute.  And hopefully we'll be able to get a puppy:)

Move news: Yeah, see, I've never moved across state before, and it's a little bit odd thinking about things like declaring myself a citizen of a different state than which I was born and raised.  Having to get a new liscence.  Although, really, Indiana is just like Illinois, only there's no gigantuan city sucking up the state's population.  It's like Illinois Lite.  Also, I've never really "moved" except from college to home to college to my apt.  Which is not the same as moving from apt to apt in another place.  Not quite sure how this is going to work.  I've already started packing, though, and I went through and got rid of about half my wardrobe (is anyone else going WTF?) that I don't need, wear, or want anymore.  Frank helped - he was more than happy to.  He's a pretty minimal guy - a few t's, some jeans, and his work outfit and he's happy.  Um.  Me, not so much.

The worst/funniest/oddest part is that I still haven't told my parents.  Not that I'm seeing anyone, not that I'm moving, and definetely not that I'm moving in with my other in another state.  I don't think that conversation will go well.  It's just a theory.

Am I dreaming?  Am I asleep?


ETA: Oops, guess I typed too fast.  My parents do know that I'm seeing someone (Frank), but they don't know I'm moving to Indiana to be with him.  Sorry to give ya a heart attack, Vive ;)