Not dead. Just busy. Very very busy.

Finally finished the apartment. Living room furniture, dining room furniture. All furnished, all comfy, all cozy.

Me and Tom had an awesome Valentine's Day, followed by a really great weekend.

Work: It's finally happening. I've got my "option" of two promotions. One at another store immediately which I just applied for, or Biff's job when he gets fired in 3 weeks (after inventory). For both stores, I was asked for by name. And tonight and tomorrow night I'll be down in Colombus helping that store get righted since their manager also just quit. So, in about a month, I'll have moved up. Finally. That's the plan, anyway. Yeah...twice the salary would be nice. Debt be gone!

And now to pop a sleeping pill and crawl into bed so I'm nice and refreshed for my overnight.

Hope everyone else is doing great, because life these days is pretty fantastic.

I'm working on my taxes...

and unless I've totally screwed up my math - along with HR Block - I *OWE* the goverment almost $400. WTF? HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS HAPPEN? Hi, see me? I'm the good guy. You know, the one that doesn't get into trouble. No arrests on my record. Not even a speeding ticket. I make barely enough money to support myself, let alone pay off the education that hasn't helped me get a job - mainly because you all in DC are screwing everything up. You've taken from me over $5,000 this past year. And now...I have to give you more!?

I could start ranting and raving about how unfair it is, but I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that America, as a whole, hates me. Canadia is looking awfully swell right about now.

PS everything else in life is grrrrr-ate. Just not money, job, or goverment related stuff. I just...wha?

Bleh. still unpacking. This would probably go faster if I wasn't so exhausted when I get home from work. Right now our comp is through the roof, which means more payroll is available. At the exact same time, we lose a manager and all the kids are back in school. Shorthand: I'm tired, yo! I was supposed to go over to Justin and Cari's tonight (which is right across the parking lot), and had to cancel because the thought of putting on shoes and walking that far makes me go "bleh." I think I'll satiate myself with french toast and scrambled eggs. Yum.

In the meantime, I'm wrapping up everything at the old place this weekend. Dropping off the spare key at the new owner's office with a note that in no uncertain terms means "no security deposit returned: no cleaning - also I took everything including the lightbulbs".

And now I just need to wait for my towels to finish in the dryer so I can melt myself in the shower and pass the hell out. Repeat: I'm tired, yo!

Getting ready for bed, after a nice long hot shower. Got all moved in, and am still in the (seemingly) never-ending task of unpacking. So far I've got every room set up how I like it, I just need to find places for everything, etc. Tom's pretty good at that, maybe I'll leave some for him to do. He brought down a bunch of stuff from his dorm room. Clothes, slippers, some games and whatnot. Every day with him it feels more and more real. I finally told him last night how terrified I am that his parents will find out (about his sexuality, about me) and force him to choose between me or them. It was a pretty hearty - not to mention healthy - conversation. I just wish there were words to describe how he makes me feel...how much better everything seems when he smiles at me, kisses me. How connected I feel when he holds my hand with his so that our rings click against each other. I'm having those abdominal pains again, so this weekend I wasn't able to be very physical with him, and instead of being dissapointed or mad or frustrated...he asked if there was anything he could do - told me that he's calling the doctor FOR me if I don't call one myself because "your health is the most important thing to me." Is this the way it's supposed to be? The way this should feel? I keep asking myself, and though I don't know the answer, I do know that I love this, love him, love us and how and who we are together. There are so many new things in my life. I'm not afraid of that anymore. I wasn't the least bit nervous or anxious moving into this apartment. I don't have the slightest doubt about this relationship. It's been quite a while now, and I still feel this overwhelming feeling of hapiness and rightness. I can't explain it any better than that.

It's scary how good I'm getting at this. Within twenty four hours, I've signed a new lease, taken time off of work next weekend, and gotten most of the living room, including most of the breakables, packed. I can start moving on Tuesday. Which means by Friday night next week I should be all moved into the new place. All that's left is to transfer the DSL/phone, pay off the remaining balances on my utilities here (er, the gas at least because that's in my name, unlike the electric, which I will not be paying because it is in Giordano's name). After I get settled into the new place, I'll be swinging by the courthouse and filing small claims against the bastard. Turns out this is all highly illegal. Also - the whole refrigerator and leaking roof and unusable fire escape - all illegal. New landlady says I should be able to get a sizable chunk of money out of him. And at the very least my deposit and moving expenses. It helps that she's backing me 100% and happens to know the judge.

At least it's not just me. Apparently, he owns this whole block. Four of my neighbors knocked on my door this morning asking if I also recieved a letter. I told them what my plans are, and we all exchanged numbers and emails. Might wind up being a group thing. I feel bad for them - they all have no where to go. I lucked out, barely surviving the credit check for the new place. And I have some terrific friends that are happy to help me out with moving (again). Listening to them, they can't afford anything more than what they are paying, let alone moving expenses.

Well, that's enough of a break. I'm gonna get back to packing. Tom'll be here in the morning before I leave for work. We'll spend tomorrow afternoon packing and then I'm popping for a nice dinner out.

And again, though I dread the act of moving, I'm excited. I really feel like this was my transition place - just look at how I've changed in the 6 months I've been here - between my life then and my life now. And like all transitions, there comes a time to leave the past behind and step into tomorrow. I'm ready. This is going to be really great for me. I can just feel it.

Got a letter from the landlord today. He filed bankruptcy last week, and is evicting EVERYONE. I now have a little more than a week to find a new apartment and come up with a deposit, pack, and move. Man I have bad luck with apartments. *sigh*

Prayers accepted and graciously appreciated.

On the upside: I'll have a refrigerator again!

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails.

This is the passage that was highlighted in my bible, marked with a post-it that reads "This is my love for you - T-", open on my bed when I came home from work today. This is definetely a first for me. And I rather like it.

...

I think I'm questioning spirituality in general. Not just because of this - although this is a part of it - but, I've noticed a lot lately that my mind keeps returning to the subject of God/s, spirituality, and general religious beliefs. I don't really know what to do/where to go from here, other than to keep thumbing through my thoughts.

New Favorite Artist of the week: Joshua Radin.

Not dead. Just been busy. Tommy got home last weekend, so we spent Friday through Monday together. We celebrated our one month (childish I know, but kind of a big deal to both of us)! Then he came down again Wednesday night since we can't see each other this weekend. I'm at my parents' house this weekend for "family christmas." Got in yesterday, making for a very VERY long day (worked from 4-11, drove straight to the airport, got on the plane at 12:30, landed in detroit, got on the plane, and got here around 6) Pretty much 15 hours of non-stop movement. I'm STILL tired. And now the "family christmas" is pretty much "hey, you'll get your present as sooooon as I buy it," because this one's not talking to that one and that one's pissed off at the other one. Jesus. And people wonder where I got my dramatic side from.

Work has been really up and down lately. Me and Joe are no longer "friends," meaning we had this huge falling out at work because he started talking about how I'm a pedophile (which is NEVER okay!) for dating Tom and how I'm always complaining about not paying my bills (bringing up the fact that I asked for a raise) in front of another manager from another store whom I don't paticularily care for. My promotion's been pushed back about 6 months (anyone surprised), and I'm just generally defeated. Kaplut. Broken in. Rode hard and put away wet.

HOWEVER, I'm still generally loving life. It's like I pointed out in my fight with Joe: my life doesn't suck and I don't hate life because my personal life has never been better. Ever. Cari came over for dinner last weekend with me and Tom, and it was so much fun. I felt, and still feel, like this is the way it should be. Good friends, a good man who loves me, laughter, smiles: this is what it's about. So yeah. I guess I've learned to compartmentalize my life a little bit. Though work peeves me to the nth, it's not my life. Though my family plays raquetball with my brain and emotions, it's not my life. Though there never seems to be enough money, life isn't all about money. I think...I think 2008 is already shaping up to be amazing.

And now to go snuggle up in front of the fireplace and catch up on some much-needed TV time.

New years was great. Although, I now remember why I *don't* drink like that anymore. Cripes, I still feel like crapola. (how did I do that crap every night?) Pretty worth it, though. Good food, good friends, good times. Rang in the new year talkin to my baby and laughing - what's better than that? There will be pictures, because I looked slam-dunk fabulous.

Drove my car straight into a ditch, and then into a fence, in the snowstorm - that was fun. I'm fine, and the car's not damaged, just scratched. Boo. Thank god for the fence, though, otherwise I could have kept sliding.

For some reason, I'm craving the R&B lately.

Also, Tom comes home in...43 hours. yay!