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I signed the paperwork this morning, making me an official OfficeMax employee. My last day at Home Depot will be Sunday. Apparently they're throwing a little party for me (wierd; I've only been there a couple months). Free pizza! And Sunday's also the next time I get to see Neil:(. He left town today to go stay with a friend who has tickets to see Pet Shop Boys in concert. Jealous, I am. Missing him, oh yeah.

I called in sick to work today because it's cold and rainy and the perfect day to stay home and bake cookies and drink cocoa and watch TV. Even if I can't snuggle with my honey while doing it.

Okay, I'm off. I'm going to go home and pop some popcorn, do a load of laundry, and watch a couple movies. Love y'all.

P.S. If you haven't heard of this band, check them out. Neil turned me onto them and they're amazing.

Current Music: Royksopp - Someone Like Me

The past few days have been...I'm not even sure amazing is the right word. I just spent the last three days and nights with Neil. The only time we parted was when

wilde_moon came up for the Common Rotation show. He wasn't feeling good, so he opted out of going and meeting Shawna and Shellie ("i look like shit, no!"). Anyway, three days together and poof - instant couple. We're rushing headfirst into it. It's kinda scary...but, I really really like him. A lot. A lot a lot.

Anyway, this is my favorite part: the beginning. He's just the sweetest guy. Although today he slept from 10am to 8pm because he's got a cold and a soar throat. So my martha stewart wanna-be ass spent the day cleaning and cooking. For dinner I made mashed potatoes for his throat and mini-meatloafs, and 7-Up for him, strawberry wine for me. Then we laid in bed and watched Buffy (he loves buffy and has only seen 2 seasons!) for a while before he had to go home. Now I don't wanna go back to the apartment and be all alone.

It's crazy how into him I am so soon. It's a little bit scary. I shouldn't like someone this much so fast, but I'm crazy about him. I mean, we're already making plans to go visit his family together. Tell me that's not crazy. That's crazy. Whatever.

So...that's my happy news. Really happy news.

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes

Okay, so I figured since I've got the weekend off (yay!), I'd sludge down the street to my Caribou Coffee (mm...campfire mocha), grab a cup o' joe, and play around online for a bit.

Not a whole lot of new news. I keep forgetting what I posted last, so a pretty overview: me and Sam are 100% done. We had a big blowout. I called him a child, decided it was time a decision was made, so there's that. Now there's someone new. Neil. We've only had one date, but he seems nice. I don't know, I'll give it a shot. I'm definetely through betting the horse on...well, anything.

Work's slow going. I gave HD my notice this week: the 29th is my last day there, I start OM on the 30th. I'm not looking forward to starting over again so soon, especially because life's been so up in the air lately (have I mentioned I'm not an impulsive person?), and I have the slightest inkling that I'm going to hate it there. Trying to be positive and not go into it thinking negatively, because that'd be a serious downfall. In the meantime, though, I've been applying like mad for jobs. Like, everywhere. A couple in Seatle, one in SanFran, Nashville, St.Louis. Oddly enough, none in Chicago.

Family is...kinda rough. Brian's getting into trouble again in a serious way, and now Ashley's following suit. I'm worried about my mom, but she's been calling every couple of days to check in, which makes me feel better.

I don't know, I guess things aren't that bad right now. The blues have been coming and going. Moments of extreme clarity and then utter confusion. I think it's called being a 20-something. I've also been listening insessantly to any and everything country. Kind of nice, actually, revisiting that part of myself.

Anyway, I need to get going. Got some more apps to fill out, resumes to send. I'll try and check in again soon. Also, I miss you guys! Comment and let me know how you are! I may not be able to check my lj very often, but I get to my email semi-regularily, so let me know what's up!

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Kieth Urban - Tonight I Wanna Cry

snow! white stuff falling from the sky!

it's snowing in chicago!

*weeeeeeeeeeee*

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 23/?
Author:

chocgood84
Rating: NC-17 for brief violence and sexual content
Pairing: BtVS Spike/Xander
Author’s Note: Yes, I am aware that the timeline is a little screwed up and that Giles didn’t own the Magic Box until after Adam and after Dawn arrived. But in my reality, who’s Dawn? Adam what? Also, a huge spanking thanks to

kitty_poker1 for being my official L2BL beta.
Disclaimer: These character’s aren’t mine, never were; I don’t get any profit for this hobby, so don’t sue – Thanks.
Warning: Brief violence, nudity, and hetero and homo sexual content and situations. And some h0t man-luvin.
This can also be found in my LJ Memories, as well as on my website.

Okay, boys and girls. Sorry for such a long wait for this one, but anyone that doesn’t know me – RL kinda exploded a month ago, and I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces (ugh I hate that cliché). Anyway, here it is, the next installment of Learn to be Lonely, in which the boys finally get to play Pop Goes The Lolly.

( Chapter 23 )

Current Music: Darren Hayes - In Your Eyes

No, your eyes do not decieve you. That is my smile icon. Why, you might ask?

I'm writing this as the newest OfficeMax Supervisor. I had the interview this morning (actually, two of them) and I kicked ass. Also, this is not a job in the QCs, it's a job in Chicago. Which, ergo, means I am not moving afterall.

Let me fill you in: I went home this past weekend to visit and assess the situation. My dad is a thousand times better now that the surgery is finally over. He pulled through it and is doing amazing. They had him standing they day that I visited! It'll be at least 6 months before he can walk without anyone helping him, though. Anyway, because everyone was right there, they were kind of making it seem worse than it really was (Mom, Brian, dad being hurt, etc.), and I found out that they really don't need me like I thought they did. So I didn't feel that pressure anymore.

The other thing was that Home Depot is not paying enough. So I would've had to move home because I couldn't afford this lifestyle. But now...now I can. I'm not going to be rolling in the dough or anything, but I should be able to get by quite nice. So that took care of the other half of "I need to move!" So my official decision is: no, I am not moving. At least not now. We'll give it a few months and see where I'm at.

I ended it with Sam, like, completely. He kept blowing me off and basically taking me for granted. So, the other night I snapped on him. I told him that he's "24 years old for god's sakes, make a fucking decision. if you want to be with me, fine, if you don't, let me know so we can end this now." he said he didn't know, so I told him that I would make a decision: it's over. It was relatively tame considering some of my break-ups. Then again, we weren't really "together" so maybe that's why. What's bad is that he called me two hours later crying because he got fired. I tried to be nice and understanding (hello...was just there a few months ago), and then he goes "so can I come over?" That's when I hung up on him.

Now, I'm not a supersticious man (um...maybe a little), but as I was leaving the QCs Sunday, I stopped and bought a scratch lotto ticket, and won $5. I've never won anything on those before. It kind of seemed like a sign that I was making the right decision. And bam, new job. Bam, I dropped a bad guy. So, maybe there's something to it. Not to piss off any dieties that may be watching, maybe my luck's changing? Gods, but I hope so. I'd kinda like to end this year on a good note. Also, today is a nice rainy cold October day. I love it!

Current Music: Connie Francis - Where the Boys Are

My dad made it through surgery, and he's doing a lot better. It'll still be most of a year before he can walk. I'm home right now, visiting, checking things out. I've already gone through the books, and yeah, the business is in pretty bad shape. And yeah, their personal funds are drying up fast.

BUT, I don't think anything's out of the ordinary for what they've all been through. My mom's stressed out and kind of broken down, Brian is at his wits end, and Ashley's being an idiot. I'd say everything's kind of "normal". The only odd thing is that mom and brian are fighting way more and can't stand to be around each other. I mean, that's always been the case, but not to this extreme. Brian moved out of the house, and in with his girlfriend.

I've got an interview on Wednesday for a job in Chicago, and if I get it, I'll be doing okay, financially. it's 3.50 more than what i'm making now, so I can dig myself out of this hole in about 2 paychecks. It's not the best job - Officemax, but it looks good on a resume - Supervisor. and I'd have at least one weekend a month off, and every sunday. So, let's cross our fingers.

The gest of it is that, at this point, I'm not sure about moving back yet. I think I'm going to give it one more month and see if everything balances out. God I'm sick of this back-and forthness.

now i'm out of wine.

welcome me back. not to internet land, because that's still a touch-and-go-and-steal when i can kind of thing. i mean, welcome me back to the world. things still suck in a major way on a lot of fronts, but damn, i'm feeling good right now. in about an hour, phillip's coming over and him and his boyfriend are taking me to a party downtown. new people! they're the only ones i know at this party. i'm so excited. i can't wait to get out there again and start mingling. i get to meet new people! *does an excited puppy impersonation* this self-imposed isolation is getting menotonous. plus! another chance to get prettified. i just got the most perfect pair of jeans known to GOD.

work is going well, actually. at times, i hate it, at times i love it. but mostly, it's just work, which is really cool. i can go in, do my stuff, and leave. it doesn't follow me outside those doors. no one knows me there, and it kind of feels like i'm starting over. me and the other resident gay, Gabreal (i have know idea how to spell that), crack each other up.

me and sam are officially dating. but we're open dating, so we can see other people. it sounds stupid, but it works. that way, neither one of us feel pressured or tied down and we can both do what we want, but still know that the other one is there for us. and no, we still have not had sex (this is a record for me, btw).

i guess poverty is working for me. i've lost a few pounds, and I'm feeling really healthy lately. i'm on day 2 of not smoking, and I have my moments where it's OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW WHY DOES EVERYTHING SUCK!?!?!?!, but for the most part, i think i'm handling it well. i'm starting to feel...clean. it's odd. my acne's clearing up, i've stopped noticing the few grey hairs poking up. today, i hoisted two 50lb bags of concrete mix on my shoulders and carried them from one end of the store to the other without so much as a wheeze. it's a pretty good feeling. and when i feel like i look good, it's like i can fly.

and also, i didn't want to say anything and jinx myself, but i'm working on a new project. i just finished up act I of a new play i'm writing about myself. it's kind of david sedaris meets queer as folk on stage. it's full of vignettes, tiny scenes from my life. i'm really excited about it. i just hope i'm not overexcited about something that sucks. it's been a LONG time since i've written anything original like this. but it's going to be a full-length, two-act play when i finish it. i showed one of the scenes to a friend of mine and he said he'd pass it along to a theatre company he's involved with. how cool would that be? to pull myself up by my bootstraps and throw myself into show business ;)

okay, gotta run. still need to choose accessories and cologne and mani, pluck, mask and scrub. yay!

Current Music: smashmouth - wonderful

Following tradition, with fall coming down on us hard here in Chicago, things are starting to look up again. Something about fall always makes me feel great. I think it's the air. It's the only time in the year where I feel like I can breath.

My dad, physically, is doing really good in the rehab. They've got him on a pain schedule because he was sent to the ER on Friday night from blockages causing major pain. But they cleaned it out and he's not in as much pain. He's also doing pretty intensive physical therapy. Emotionally, though, he's a wreck. He's really worried about the business failing, and generally just not being able to provide for his family. Which is kind of making my mom spaz out. She finally confronted my brother about his attitude (for the record, I didn't notice anything odd about it), and he told her the reason he's so mean lately is that he isn't sleeping anymore. He keeps having nightmares about the accident. To get any sleep at all, he's been having to take pills, which worries me. I told her he needs to get some help, talk to someone about it. It's the only way the nightmares are going to stop. It's wierd thinking about Brian being that vulnerable. But it makes perfect sense. Naturally, my mom feels terrible, and I couldn't really give her any advice about what to do, except make sure he knows she loves him. It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of pain, but they'll get through it. Things have to get better.

( Now Me )

Regardless, I guess things are starting their upward climb again. Which is nice. I'd like to not be crazy anymore by the time winter sets in.

Current Music: Sade - Please Send Me Someone

My dad's doing a lot better. He's been moved from Iowa City back to the Quad Cities and placed in a rehabilitation center where he'll be doing some pretty extensive physical therapy. The doctors are pretty optimistic, which I guess is a good thing. He's in a lot of pain since they jossled him around quite a bit on the ride, but mom said he's quite a bit happier where he is. And of course the family's happy because now they can all go up and bug him. Thank you all for your nice thoughts and prayers, and comments.

In other life, etc. news, today was day 3 of work at Home Depot. They threw me on the floor today and left me alone behind the services counter for about an hour. In which, I mixed up three Will-Calls and deliveries, deleted a customer account, and screwed up the register. The good thing, though, is that my supervisor just laughed and walked me through fixing it all. She was pretty nice about it, and so were the customers. Of course, my bright orange button that screams "HI, I'M IN TRAINING!" button kind of helped that along.

*headdesk*

Since I've sworn off dating, men, and going "out" pretty much altogether (yeah...that's a whole nother topic), I decided that since I have tomorrow off, I spent pretty much all of next week's food & misc. budget on a cheap bottle of wine, provisions for smores and apple cider. I'm having a feel-good-movie-mania. On the list: Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Mickey's Christmas Carol, Mannequin, Mean Girls, Ghoulies, and Simply Irresistable. If I don't blow up like a Macy's float, I should be an almost-happy camper by tomorrow night. this is pretty much just to distract me from...everything.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well.

for those that don't know, I had to rush to iowa city university hospital on thursday. my dad was taken there after the trench he was digging for work caved in on him. he was burried for about 7 minutes until my brother, who was working with him, found him and dug out his head so he could breathe. he swallowed a lot of dirt, and I guess he was "out" for a few minutes from lack of oxegyn. (further information is here about it.

he's okay(ish). he's got a broken pelvis and a few other injuries. we're waiting on further x-rays and ct-scans to see if he's going to need surgery. they said there's a possibility of brain damage from not having oxygen, which scares me. naturally, my mom's a wreck, but she's trying to stay strong for him and for us. i just hope that she can cope with it all. when the doctor gave us the news that he might not be able to walk without assistance again, she passed out. i've never seen that happen before. i mean, my mom's the strongest woman in the world.

so, I'm exhausted. and I feel kinda useless because there's nothing I can do to help. i'm just going kinda crazy. i mean, it's my dad, you know? I'm just so thankful brian was there.

Because I do. Right now. And I can't stop fidgeting. Apparently someone's been putting CRACK in my cigarettes.

I'm actually trying to quit smoking right now. I'm on day two. That's the longest I've gone without a cigarette in...God, years.

Yeah, so I'm a little crazy right now.

On the plus side, my apartment has never been cleaner.

You know, you never realize the things you take for granted.

My building's been without water for 2 1/2 days. It just came on, and I don't think I've ever heard a better sound in the world than the running water.

WATER!

I am still alive.

I god a job. The Home Depot one. Full time customer service. It's better than nothing, and I figured I'll be making at least as much as I was at the bar, probably more. I haven't started yet; they're waiting on my drug test results. So sometime this week.

Everything else is...eh, pretty glum.

Okay, somehow somone passed my resume along to a sales recruiter. He called yesterday, went over my resume. Called me back today with a prospective match - I have an interview with United Shipping next week for an outside sales position. The base salary's not that great, but after commission, the average 1st year earnings are...um, just wow. If I got it, and I made the median, I'd be able to pay off my student loans in under 5 years. Not to mention get out of debt. Also, expense account.

In the meantime, I have an interview with Home Depot this afternoon. Yeah, that's right. My only problem - how do you dress for an interview at Home Depot? I mean, I think the standard shirt/tie combo isn't quite right there.

Also, I haven't smoked a cigarette since about 10pm last night. It's now almost noon. I'm going CRAZY. I'm two seconds away from breaking down and going to buy some.

Current Music: Elton John - The Bitch is Back

Happy birthday, kitty!

I love you bunches, sweetheart. Hope your day is the bestest!

Warning: Probably not recommended reading for those that are really god-fearing religious:

We're just wrong.

( AIM Conversation with wilde_moon. Topic: The Good Book Grill )

Tags:

hijinks

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 22/?
Author:

( Chapter 22 )

Tags:

learn to be lonely

Okay, that's two nights in a row.

eesh.

now I'm starting to think something's wrong.

Hyper Little Thoughts

Life...it's not just a game, you know.

You'll think of me...

Semi-Bi-Monthly Update

(no subject)

Learn to be Lonely Chapter 23

Hey look, a happy icon!

Here's the stitch

great

i don't wanna start over again!

Slow but sure

Dad update, and life, etc.

back in chi-town

Ever feel like your skin is peeling off and running away?

Water!

Update

wha - huh? say what?

Birthday!

It's sacralicious!

Learn to be Lonely Chapter 22 (Another update!)

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