Hyper Little Thoughts

My mom came up afterall. And, while it's nice to have my mom know where I live, and know these people I talk about all the time; have them real in her mind now. It's creepy!

She asked to meet my "male friend," and I told her we broke up, she looked a little sad.

She met my friend Phillip, who is, for back of a better term, too gay to function sometimes. They hit it off, and half an hour later they were exchanging relationship advice and mixed drink recipes. He even invited her to the party he's throwing tonight. I'm not altogether comfortable taking her, and I tried telling him before he blurted it out, but now it's too late. She wants to go. This should be...fun.

The upside is that my mom looks and sounds happier than I've known in a long, long, time.

she really is. she got an mp3 player for christmas, and she's just now figuring out how to use it. so she's been calling every hour today having me walk her through how to do whatever. i just spent a half hour walking her through how to rip a cd, rename it, and transfer it to the player.


also, thoughts and prayers tomorrow would be much appreciated. she has her court date.

I occaisionally make pretty stupid mistakes. This whole Todd fiasco has kinda made me come around and kick myself in the ass. I guess it's true what I always tell people - communication is key, especially in relationships. The whole situation came about because I was having problems and issues, and rather than bring them up and discuss them with him, I bottled it up and kept ignoring it. And then, after getting upset at him one more time, ran to my alkie tendancies. That was the nail in the coffin.

So two problems have come up and slapped me in the face that I need to deal with. The first one - my tendancy to, as both Vive and Phillip have pointed out, focus on everyone but myself. Maybe if I'd been honest with myself and stuck up for myself, none of this would have happened. The second issue is my tendancy towards escapism. I dread confrontation. Just thinking about it makes my stomach do that flippy thing. And, unfortunetely, I've noticed that my escapism is more and more becoming booze. I certainly don't think I'm an alchoholic - but that's what alcoholics say. So, I think the best thing for me to do is to go a while without drinking at all, just to prove to myself I can do it, that I'm not dependant on it.

I have, probably, about 20,000 things to do before 9am, and I really don't want to do any of them. i would much rather sit here in my chair in my hoody and watch TV alone in the dark.

But hey, some good news: I've decided to resign from iRi - believe me, this is a good thing. Also, Vive said she'd put my resume in with her company as an admin, which I think i've got a pretty good chance at getting. I so want to be on the right track here.

AND we're going to Nashville for our birthdays - the weekend before. That'll be a lot of fun. I've never been, and her family is all down there.

Yeah, I'm going to break up with Todd. It's time.

It's a little sad, but for every beginning there's an end. This one's just a little shorter than I'd hoped. Hopefully soon there'll be another beginning.

But in the mean time: life. Fun.

( as much explanation as I can give )

Well, my v-day was two parts: ACTUAL V-day, which I spent with Vive (see! I mentioned you!) and her bestest gal pal, Jill and her brother, at a kick-ass arcade called Dave and Busters. It's kind of like an adult Chuckie Cheese. There's a restaurant and a bar (a couple of them), and then all kinds of games. I kicked Vive's ass at Skiball and air hockey (wilde_moon, we totally have to go here sometime when you come up, you'll love it!), and we kicked some major dinasour ass in the Lost World game. Of course, I sucked at basketball and dance-off. Oh well. We had soooo much fun, I can't wait to do it again. That should be a new v-day tradition, since, apparently, I no longer do the horror movie marathon.

Part Two: Yesterday, me and Todd spent the day together. After getting my hair cut and some errands ran, I picked him up and we took a day trip up to IKEA and did some shopping. I've never been - and, guh! I wouldn't actually buy any of their really expensive stuff, but some of their cheaper stuff is nice for the price. It was kinda nice; we got to play house a little and get a better feel for each other's tastes - incidentally, mine is SO much better than his. After dismantling the gargantuan piece he bought and getting it into my polly pocket-size car, we went for dinner at Outback. We had a little bit of a spat, but all in all the evening turned out pretty well. There's a few things we need to work out, normal relationship type stuff, but I think this'll work.

I hope everyone else had a great day - whether you celebrated it or not. Remember though, you are loved. No matter what.

I had so much stuff to update...but I spent too much time making this icon that now I've forgotten.

I am in kind of a downer mood tonight. Normal downer. Not former-brad-boohoo-downer. Still worried about my mom, but there's nothing I can do.

There's just a lot going on right now, and I think my brain has died.

My big plans for Saturday night are to get a few loads of laundry done, clean the bathroom, maybe get a little work done. Hopefully the bf will come over and keep me company tonight, but it's doubtful since he has to work tomorrow. I feel kinda bad. He went downtown to surprise me and take me to dinner after I got off work, and catch a movie. But he called me just as I was walking through my front door - he's downtown, where am I? Dammit. So he decided to go shopping instead. Jerk.

( Work )

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I think my mom is going to be okay, now that she's had a few days to process and deal with it all. She's still in that "oh my god what am I going to do for money!?" state, which is, uh, normal. Again, I just feel absolutely terrible. Like she hasn't had about the hardest life in the world. And now this. I wish there was more I can do.

I'm putting in my resume at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. As a manager there I would be making 2x what I am now, so I'd be able to send money home until things get better. The only downside is that I'll have to give up iRi. I just think it's the right thing to do.

Things with Todd are still going really well. Can you believe it's almost been a month already? I'm really thankful and amazed that he found me when he did. Who knows - maybe this could be it. Not that I think it is, but what if?

I should probably go, we've got a date to watch the Confessions tour and go out for ice cream (have i mentioned that it's below zero here? yeah, my bf is wierd.).

GO BEARS!

GO BEARS!

Me and Vive got bored today after we had lunch, so we played dressup.

( Pics under here )