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glares at history

Last night was the first hint of a problem. It also served as a proof that a)gay men are incestuous, b)chicago IS a very small town, and c)a person's past can come back and bite them on the ass.

Todd took me out to a romantic little pub called Moody's for burgers and beer, and afterwards he ambushed me into meeting his friends. Here's where the small town thing comes in. His best friend and I know each other through a common friend. Another friend, Chad, used to be one of my regulars at the bar, and I knew all of his other friends in one way or another - some in good ways, some in not.

Here's where the past/ass thing comes in: I've kinda slept with a few...uh, a couple more than a few, of his friends. And then while we were dancing, a few other guys I used to...know...came up and tried to say "hello!" (not with their lips). I think someone sent out a flyer telling anyone I've ever fooled around with to be there last night. It was encredibly embarassing. Todd took it well though. He said that my past is my past and as long as I'm only his now, that's what matters. How cool is that?

Slight problem though: I met his ex last night. Can we say nose dive? Because that didn't go well at all.

just a friendly reminder

that

lunabee34 is possibly the best person in the world. if you don't know her, meet her. and if you don't love her, well...you're dumb.

Current Music: Regina Spektor - Sampson

My sweetest downfall...

Problem/Not problem - no clue which. I think I'm totally falling. I'm nervous and scared and excited. It really feels so wonderful. But it's an altogether new thing, too. Last night we were supposed to get together after work, but we were both exhausted (I worked from 11am - 2am yesterday, and he put in 12 hours). And he repeated something that he said before but I just now kinda caught it: "baby, I'm not going anywhere. We have plenty of time." And the other night he said he cares for me. And I believe it - that's what's so amazing about it. He keeps leaving me little messages everywhere "have a good day," "thinking about you," "my boy," "so amazing." This is so crazy. Also, there's a pic under the cut that he took of us. Warning: it is gag inducing. You can't really see his face, but the one with both our faces is a little...racy.

In other news, I'm totally stressed out with work. Between both Omax stores and iRi, I don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore. I was up until 2am this morning researching for iRi, and then at 7am I got a phone call from Karin at Omax telling me I need to get their right away because I took a key they needed this morning. So I had to drive down during rush hour to drop off the key, only to have to be back by noon for my shift. That coupled with a bunch of drama going on (seriously - drama? at an office supply store? hell is a very imaginative place, no?) between Matt and Karin and me and the other supervisors. Ugh. Thank god I've got someone trying to keep me sane.

Now I need to hop into the shower and throw on my uniform so I can get to work on time for a change. Bleh. But, it's Friday, and tomorrow's Saturday, and me and Todd are going out. So, yay!

( Piccie under here. )

Life and Stuff

Did you know that the original title for Roseanne was "Life and Stuff"?

Yeah, it's Todd. He just left. I can't believe how excited I am about him. We're getting together Wednesday so I can teach him how to cook, and we're doing a slumber party. Hehe. And then he told me to clear Valentine's Day. Can you believe that? I know it's just a stupid day invented to make single people miserable, but it's kinda special - I've never really done anything.

We're also going to get tested together.

Yep. I'm pretty lucky.

Payin my union dues...

Firstly - shiny new layout. Thanks for the tip,

wilde_moon.

Second, I'm sad to say that Toni Kimbel, my great aunt, passed away Thursday evening. She's had a form of brain cancer which runs in my family for several years now. She's been in a lot of pain for the past few months, and she finally passed. She was a great woman, and she'll be surely missed. But at least now she's no longer in pain.

Third - last night, Vive, Todd & I went and saw The Hitcher. The movie itself was pretty good for what it was. Think Joy Ride meets TCM. More importantly, though, Vive and Todd hit it off. Vive loves him, and he can't wait to hang out with her again. After the movie, we went to Lelia Janes and had a few and sat around talking. It was so great being out with my guy and my best friend and just having fun. Me and Vive stayed after Todd took a cab home (he had to work early this morning - stupid work) and talked...about him. heh. Vive came back here and spent the night, and we had an oink fest while watching the game today. (GO BEARS! wHOOOOT!)

( Fourth - Under a cut because it could get schmoopy. )

Current Music: Alisha - Do You Dream About Me

Do you dream about me?

Mmmm.

Don't have much time, because I'm late for work. I couldn't tear myself out of bed this morning.

The date with Todd went very well. Very very well. Possibly, the best first date ever. He even brought me flowers - Lillies, so that when I smell them, I'll think about him. How sweet is that? When he gave them to me, he said it was contingent on granting him another date. The only bad part was that sometime in the night, my sinuses attacked, so now I'm full blown snotty and nasal-sounding. This morning when we woke up, he kissed me and said my nasal voice is sexy.

We've got plans Friday night after he gets off work, and then Saturday we're doing a picnic thing and then going to see Hitcher with Vive. Next weekend, we're hanging out with his friends - eep.

Cross your fingers, kids, this could actually turn out to be a good guy:) the only bad part is that I don't think his cat likes me

Can you believe it? Flowers. Teehee.

Current Music: Beyonce - Irreplaceable

Irreplaceable

I know I'm all update crazy now that I'm back online, but I just had to share some really great news.

The pharmacutical company my mom works for was bought by a new company, and so we've been kind of worried (and her stressed out) about probably losing her job. But these new guys (who she so lovingly nicknamed Beavis and Butthead) hired her on as not only what she was with the old company (as a driver), but as the SUPERVISOR driver. Meaning she makes the shifts and routes and hires/fires people. So she got a promotion. It's only a little more money, but it's a really great thing. She doesn't have to worry about losing her job and the little income it brings my family. And she can breathe a little easier about hating her job so much.

AND, because dad still isn't much better (baby steps, I reminded her), they got the insurance company to caugh up the dough for home health care. So there's a nurse/cna that comes to the house 3 days a week for 5 hours to help my dad, but more to help my mom. She'll be doing the grocery shopping, the laundry, light cleaning. This is so great for my parents.

I've been grinning all day. I'm just so glad that things are working out for them.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Beyonce - Irreplaceable

To the left, to the left

Firstly, I'm in love with this song right now.

I'm headed off to bed, because I didn't get much sleep last night (heh), and I spent the whole day doing...well, nothing, really.

I was just thinking how nice it is to go to bed with a smile on my face. And then I realized this is a common occurance lately.

To all and whomever is responsible: Thank you.

Anyway, g'nite all.

Current Music: Chicago Vs. Seattle

Entry tags:

learn to be lonely

Learn to be Lonely Chapter 25

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 25/?
Author:

chocgood84
Rating: NC-17 for brief violence and sexual content
Pairing: BtVS Spike/Xander
Author’s Note: Yes, I am aware that the timeline is a little screwed up and that Giles didn’t own the Magic Box until after Adam and after Dawn arrived. But in my reality, who’s Dawn? Adam what? Also, a huge spanking thanks to

( Chapter 25 )

Current Music: Chicago vs. Seattle

Go Bears!

It's a good day. Hell, it's a good life:)

1) Chicago Bears in the playoffs. Go Bears! *whoot* I've got the game on the tube, the chat window open with my peeps keeping a running commentary. I can think of worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.

2) Vive and I are going out to dinner tonight. Yum...Outback.

3) I am on the internet in my apartment. As in, I finally got it installed, and that means...look out, internet. I'm back:) Also, I have free cable. *zoinks* I feel all technological and stuff now. Heh. I've got tons to catch up on, but still have quite a bit of IRI stuff to finish. They come back from Peurto Vallarta next week, and I want to charm the pants off of them.

4) Speaking of pants, I had kind of a date last night. This guy that used to be a regular when I worked at Gentry IMed me out of the blue yesterday when I got home from work. We got to talking, and decided to hang out last night. Um...this morning, he asked if I wanted to go out to dinner Wednesday. Like, on a real date. A REAL date. His name is Todd, and he seems like a really great guy. He told me last night that he's had a crush on me for a really long time but never said anything. Funny how some things happen, isn't it? So, I have a date Wednesday:)

5) Yeah, I should probably get up and throw some laundry in, but I'm not really feeling the "do anything" vibe today. I think I'll just lay here and bask.

Current Music: CoRo - Union Dues

Paying my union dues

Music is my forte. Not everyone likes what I do, and I don't always like what everyone else does. That's why it's so great - in music lies the truest form of diversity. Just a random thought as I'm doing some research, listening to my mp3 player.

Taking a little break, thought I'd hop over and update right quick, dig around LJ a bit. Don't know how much I've said this - but I really like my new job. I actually get excited every time I go into the office or sit down to research and write out proposals. I love the small little feeling of panic that explodes in my chest when they give me something new to do. I love the little thoughts in my head "can I really do this, is this what I do, what if I screw it up!?" But then when I email and hand over the hard copies of everything and I hear "great job, you're really doing wonderfully," or when they come to me and ask "we need your opinon/okay for this, tell us what you think" it just makes it so awesome. No full-time yet, but I guess that's okay. I still have OMAX and even though I rather dislike it, it keeps me busy going between the two. And better yet - I'm managing it well, I think. I'm not all that stressed out, and if I am it's the good kind that motivates me to finish everything, not the old-usual "cripes! ah, I'm going to explode!" Kinda nice. Right now I'm working on creating a tutiorial for some software we use so that the office can be a little more efficient.

Friends: I really do have the greatest friends (incidentally if I texted anyone else the other night - sorry...Jack was not my friend that night). Friday night, me and Vive went and saw Black Christmas - if you're a cheesy B-Horror movie buff, this is a great movie. Just this side of cheesy gore and rediculous plot, it's not a bad way to spend a Friday night. We wound up heading out for drinks and Clark's after Dark diner. Many fun times. Last night, I went up and had dinner with Phillip at his place while the husband's out of town (incidentally I found out one of my favorite college proffesors [Dr. Bradshaw!] lives in his building! - Jesus, Chicago is a small town). We watched Material Girls - trust me, I did not pick the movie. Gag. But then we went to Big Chicks for a couple pitchers. While there, I ran into a few old friends from when I first moved here. I danced and got checked out and had a really great time. Some guy got a little fresh and asked if I wanted to go back his place, and I said "Thank you, but I'm not really out for that tonight." Makes a boy feel special, it does. I also got home quite sober and got up this morning to head into the office for a few hours. How responsible!

( Just a few other things I've been thinking about lately, if you're inclined. Not really important, though. )

Anyway, enough philosophy and self-analysis. Time to get back to work. These summaries aren't going to write themselves.

Also, expect L2bL 25 to be coming soon:)

Current Music: Hinder - Lips of an Angel

New day, new year, new beginnings.

Welcome to 2007, folks. It's wierd to even say 2007, wierder even that 2006. For some reason, my mind is permanently stuck on 1998. I have no idea why, it just is. I'll spare the usual reflections/resoultions crap - the usual: try to quit smoking, lose some weight, etc. Although I'm determined to make the next twelve months mean something to me, make them positive. I demand o reach out and grab what I want for myself, to make this work. The only thing/person that can stop me is myself.

Christmas was...tense. My mom was an emotional wreck. I don't think I've ever seen her this...bad. At least when Dad first had the accident, she was so numb and couldn't feel anything that I knew what to do. But now, it's really difficult. I just tried to be there for her, help her as much as I could. I gotta say, though, leaving after Christmas was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. She was crying on my shoulder - worse than she did the day I left for college. She kept asking me not to go, not to leave her. My mother...she's an incredibly strong woman. I only wish I was half as strong as she. It was really difficult for me let go of her and not call work and quit and move home and make everything okay. But I knew better. I've talked to her every day since, though, just hoping to maybe give her something to look forward to, or enjoy. I just want her to know how encredibly proud of her I am, how much I love her, and how grateful I am to have her.

Anyway, I'm back in Chicago, and things are good, for the most part. I really like my new job. They gave me an official title: Business Operations Specialist. That's kinda neat, huh? Right now I'm swamped trying to get some research for this grant done. You'd be surprised how many websites there are dedicated to Mediated Learning Experience (MLE) and the various grants and scholarships awarded to it. I'm really liking it here, and I finally feel like I'm doing something. I have appointments and meetings and confrence calls and emails. I feel all growed up:) My other job, though, Office Max has really just turned into Burger King with pencils instead of whoppers. I dread going, wait on eggshells for the day to be over, and feel like my skin is being boiled and peeled off every minute I'm actually there. With any luck, I'll only be there another month or two. Maybe even less. Of course, if I don't straighten up, it'll be way less. I'm on a final write-up because someone stole a printer on my watch. Which means if I want to keep my job, I can't do anything wrong for at least the next six months. In short: it sucks. But what else can ya do?

Anyway, I guess that's enough ramble. I'm gotta skadootch and get some more work done. There's a lot of kids out there that are counting on me to do this - they don't know it, but I do, and I kinda like it.

Did you know it's Xmas?

Crimey! Shopping 3 days before Xmas - NOT a good idea. I think I might have seen Linda Blair aka THE DEVIL INSIDE HER at Macy's last night when I grabbed the last blue cashmere sweater. *cringe* This is nuts! Although, I only have 7 gifts left to get, which I'll do tonight. Then I work tomorrow and it's off for home in this winter wonder-oh wait, it's 50 friggen degrees. Where's my snow? WHERE'S MY SNOW?!

ehem

I'm kinda tired.

Also, yesterday went very very well. I'm the newest member of the IRI Core (central officers). I'm calling our travel agent when she's back after new year to book me for the Anneheim convention and the Birmingham. We're holding off on the European conference until we know more about it, but I'm on the roster - WHEEE. They've already got me doing stuff, like working on the database, yelling at our webhosting company (BTW for anyone interested, http://www.iriinc.us/index.htm is our website. We're in the process of a huge overhaul right now, so it's not a great view of what we do), and working on this quarter's newsletter. RIGHT after the new year we've got a meeting to introduce me to a couple of our consultants and such and then I get thrown in splashing. Also, they're paying to have internet installed in my apartment, and then reimbursing me for what time I spend on it doing work. How cool is that?

Listen, I may be AWOL for a while, so I want to make sure EVERYONE has a happy holiday - you're all great people and I hope you all get exactly what you want and need this holiday season. Me, I'm just asking for a little more love:)

once in a blue moon

Random musings of the past couple days:

1. Mail Call: I recieved

lunabee34's card yesterday. And bawled like a baby. Thank you, sweety. *smooches* It sure brightened up a crappy day.

2. Last night, Vive called me and we went out for a few drinks. It was great, just like it used to be, only better, because we've both grown up so much. I can't believe I wasted so much time being mad at her for all those months. I'm pretty lucky that she's willing to forgive it and move on.

3. Then again, I've been thinking how lucky I am. Well, not that kind of lucky, but the kind where I do have a few great people in life that I can count on to love and support me. It's a pretty good feeling.

4. I'm a teeny bit bitter - I get to spend a whole 36 hours in the QCs for Christmas, because I have to be back at this place 5am Tuesday morning. I'm not pleased.

5. Also, chicago = crazy.

That'll be all.

Just in time for Xmas - Learn to be Lonely Chapter 24

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 24/?
Author:

kitty_poker1 for being my official L2BL beta.
Disclaimer: These character’s aren’t mine, never were; I don’t get any profit for this hobby, so don’t sue – Thanks.
Warning: Brief violence, nudity, and hetero and homo sexual content and situations. And some h0t man-luvin.
This can also be found in my LJ Memories, as well as on my website.

Okay slash fans, here's wishing everyone the happiest of holidays, and I hope you all get what you truly deserve in this the coming year: love, luck, and Spander.

( Chapter 24 )

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Regina Spektor - Samson

Good News

So, trying not to tempt the fates, because they are hateful jealous and vindictive creatures. But - I have some good news (despite my terrible day).

I'm taking the job with IRI. As in, it's mine. I'm the new junior marketer for IRI consulting. And I can still keep my OMAX job, although after today I'm kinda considering looking elsewhere. (long, bad story) Anyway, I'll be doing what I want to...and using the degree I spent *guh* amounts of money getting. I'll be helping people and doing my part to reach children all over America who are at a disatvantage because of poor school systems, mental and physical disabilities, or were just dealt a bad hand.

I'm already booked for two conferences - one in Birmingham in the spring (the date keeps changing), and also in LA for spring/summer. AND, the goal, is for me to represent IRI at the European Conference - usually held in Paris, but this year they're considering changing it up a bit. On the possibilities list is: Rome, London, Madrid, Paris, or Berlin. With a possible second overseas in Israel (where Kate'll be stationed most of next year).

So...cool:)

Uh - help?

So Kate called me last night. She works for an educational psychology firm that her dad owns. She offered me a position with them in which I would be using my degree, and I'd get to travel and do all the things I WANT to do. The only problem is that it's part time, and my schedule with OMAX makes it so that I can't really do both at the same time.

So I'm torn. I mean, I'm finally making semi-decent money and getting back on track. Which I like. A lot. But on the other hand, this is the opportunity I've been waiting for, for a LONG time. And I'd be doing some good with my work.

I don't know what to do - take the offer and give up security and benifits and the knowledge that I WILL be promoted, or stay where I'm at and give up the chance to actually do what I want to do.

I always said that if this situation ever came up, I'd go with doing the thing I want. But now that I'm a little more grown up and trying to be responsible - it's not exactly the same perspective.

Anyone have advice?

Current Music: Wicked - Popular

Won't let sorrow bring me way down...

Numero 1: I did not get the job. The exact words were "I'm not sure that you have enough years of experience." ie: not old enough. Which, okay, fine. Oh well, I'm okay where I'm at. It would have been nice to make a lot more money, but in a couple months, I'll be okay. Besides, I got my promotion package today - my IDP (individual development plan) which I need to accomplish over the next few months before I can be selected to move up. But it's a plan, and a goal, and that's nice for me right now. Besides, maybe it'll be nice to have something steady for a while.

Which brings me to number 2: Vive called me while I was at work and left a message. Apparently, Arben left a message on her voicemail last night for me. Something to the effect of: if I don't shut my mouth, he'll shut it for me; I better hope he doesn't see me on the street. I'm not sure, I haven't had a chance to hear it yet. On the one hand, I really just want to shrug it off and leave it alone because I'm so sick and tired of everything there still revolving around my life. I've been gone for what, 4 months. I'm over it, why aren't they? But on the more realistic hand: I know him well enough to know he follows up threats like this. So I'm not sure what to do - do I leave it alone and shrug it off, or should I take it to the police and fill out a report? I just want to be left alone to live my life.

Anyway, there's really nothing much else. I passed my assessment and got my store keys (all 32 of them!). I get paid on friday, so, yay. I can pay my rent...only a couple days late. I did decide that after I get all caught up on bills and whatnot, I'm buying myself a ticket to see Wicked for a late (okay, probably VERY late) Xmas present to myself. I've wanted to see it for so long, and I think it'd be a nice little gift to myself for not um, well, exploding the last couple months (well...um. sort of).

Hope you all are well.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Polar Express - Spirit of the Season

Spirit of the Season

So I finally got around to changing pics and colors on LJ. It's disgustingly cute, and it's all done by me:)

Also, I'm downright chipper today. I just did a double check on my finances, and i just might be able to claw my way out of financial ruin by february now. So that's some positive news.

The business did not, in fact, close. Apparently about two hours before they signed the foreclosure papers or whatever, a huge contract came in and they put the money upfront. I guess miracles can happen. So for now, at this moment, my parents still have a house, cars, and a business.

I'm feeling kinda high right now. I got a phone call at work today from a recruiter for US Cellular. They want me to interview for the position of Store Manager, which would be heading up three stores in the downtown chicago area. Right after I got off work, they called and did a phone interview, and Wednesday they're calling for a second. They've already scheduled me for a real interview next week. It's twice the salary I'm making now, plus full benefits package I don't have to pay into, and I'd get commision. I'm not saying that I'll get it or even planning on getting it, but how cool is this? Kinda picks me up a little. People want me. Whoohoo! (although, p.s. - that big of a pay increase, and you KNOW I'm going shopping to celebrate.) It really would be a nice way to say goodbye to 2006.

Okay, on the fam front: My brother's gf is NOT pregnant afterall. He's actually kind of upset about it. he told me on the phone "I can't even do that right." I kinda feel it too: I was actually looking forward to being an uncle. But then, like I told him: there's no reason he can't be a father to the kids she has. She has a boy, 5, and a girl, 7; from two previious relationships. Their dads are both jerks. They need a good father. And, despite everything, I know my brother has a lot of love to give. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. I'm going to do my part - for Christmas, I'm buying them both gifts. I want to welcom them to the family, even if it's just as far as I'm concerned. I don't want them to experience the same things I did when my mom and stepdad got married.

Speaking of dad - he's steadily progressing. he can almost walk without the walker. Still no stairs, though. But any progress is good, right? They said he wouldn't walk again ever, so hah!

Alright, I'm gonna schooch. 5 am comes really early these days.

Current Music: Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Gen Fic! Hard Candy Christmas

Hey all, look, new fic! It's actually a small little ficlet, general, Xander's POV on Christmas Eve.

It's not great, but I'm posting it anyway because I'm so rusty. Any feedback would be really appreciated. I'm working on a spander Xmas fic, so I'm trying to get back into the flow of it.

( Hard Candy Christmas )