Entry tags:
untitled poem
another sunset bleeds up my chest.
I am blinded
as the dying daylight catches fire against my face.
cool wind dusts my body;
another night is breathing softly against me
and pushing the hands further around the clock.
the window panes glow with my reflection
like a television set turned on against the darkness.
somewhere in this empty apartment coffee drips
echoing like rain in a gutter
its dark scent filling this empty space
with the smells and sounds
of an unused
unwanted
home.
I am blinded
as the dying daylight catches fire against my face.
cool wind dusts my body;
another night is breathing softly against me
and pushing the hands further around the clock.
the window panes glow with my reflection
like a television set turned on against the darkness.
somewhere in this empty apartment coffee drips
echoing like rain in a gutter
its dark scent filling this empty space
with the smells and sounds
of an unused
unwanted
home.
stupid brain
Why can't it understand that it needs to turn off so i can sleep, before work. Boo. I blame this on the worst case of writer's block I've ever had.
On the other hand...THRILLER!
On the other hand...THRILLER!
I want the last two hours of my life back
along with the $.40 I spent on copying the DVD. I just watched The Grudge 2 - I've only had it in my DVD Ripper wallet for about 6 months now.
Man, that movie sucked. I know a lot of people hated the first one too, but jeeze...this was so much worse. It was like a parody of itself. I'm so... nah, I can't even pretend to be surprised.
At what point did directors/writers/actors decide to kill the Horror Genre? Was there some unspoken rule that was made up that from henceforth all "scary" movies must be...well, stupid? They're so caught up in impressing audiences with special effects and pulse-pounding surprises that there's no story any more, no real reason to be truly scared. Like everything else in this 21st century, audiences want to be instantly gratified. They want that 2 second thrill you get when you see a nail shoot through someone's finger. The lingering "what ifs" just aren't there anymore. Is it too much to ask to want to be too scared to sleep alone with the lights off again? Is it too much to give me one good scene that will replay itself over and over in my head causing me to cringe - not in disgust, but in terror? Even lame old Michael Myers had his own schtick - he just doesn't die. Like Jason, and Freddy, and all the old stand bys, we know their rules and the proper ways around them. Their rules are what make them scary, because we can understand it. There are no rules anymore. Today's "monsters" are asian chicks making bong noises, maniacle hitchhikers with no real reason to terrorize, and evil ventriloquists.
What happened to good old fasioned "sweet jesus, did he just suck that guy's face off through his fingers?" horror? Where is today's Needful Things? Where are today's Critters? Where's our IT?
You just know Hitchcock is rolling over in his grave with every new relased trailer.
/rant
Man, that movie sucked. I know a lot of people hated the first one too, but jeeze...this was so much worse. It was like a parody of itself. I'm so... nah, I can't even pretend to be surprised.
At what point did directors/writers/actors decide to kill the Horror Genre? Was there some unspoken rule that was made up that from henceforth all "scary" movies must be...well, stupid? They're so caught up in impressing audiences with special effects and pulse-pounding surprises that there's no story any more, no real reason to be truly scared. Like everything else in this 21st century, audiences want to be instantly gratified. They want that 2 second thrill you get when you see a nail shoot through someone's finger. The lingering "what ifs" just aren't there anymore. Is it too much to ask to want to be too scared to sleep alone with the lights off again? Is it too much to give me one good scene that will replay itself over and over in my head causing me to cringe - not in disgust, but in terror? Even lame old Michael Myers had his own schtick - he just doesn't die. Like Jason, and Freddy, and all the old stand bys, we know their rules and the proper ways around them. Their rules are what make them scary, because we can understand it. There are no rules anymore. Today's "monsters" are asian chicks making bong noises, maniacle hitchhikers with no real reason to terrorize, and evil ventriloquists.
What happened to good old fasioned "sweet jesus, did he just suck that guy's face off through his fingers?" horror? Where is today's Needful Things? Where are today's Critters? Where's our IT?
You just know Hitchcock is rolling over in his grave with every new relased trailer.
/rant
Entry tags:
Some musings on gaydom
First and foremost: The word "Oktoberfist" is just...bad. And wrong. And...bad. I'm not judging the...players?...I'm just saying...Reading that makes my eyeballs hurt.
Second: Just because someone responds appreciatively to a nice greeting such as, "hey, great profile; you seem pretty cool," does not mean it is okay to immediately respond with either asking,"what are you into?", or a picture of one's self that would make even...well, me...cringe.
Third: Chatting does not = marriage. IMing with a guy for a couple weeks back and forth does not give one the right to be jealous if the other one has actual real live people to spend time with. It also does not mean that the involved parties are planning to wed and have a million gay babies. Chill out.
Fourth: "Hanging out" does not always entail nekkid olympics.
Fifth: "Friends" sometimes means just that - friends. And sometimes, that means there's no sexual tension, no crude innuendos, and no questions such as "how hung are you?" exchanged.
Sixth: Do we all have to be so passive agressive? If you're pissed, be pissed and say so. If you're hurt, be hurt and say so. Strap on a pair, men - aren't we supposed to be pre-equipped with those accessories?
Seven: I know from personal experience that it's not the hetero homo-haters we have to watch out for - it's our own group. WTF? If you don't like something or someone, don't like them. But not liking someone or something is not a valid reason to crap all over it/them or react violently to it/them. Get a grip and ask yourself: is that really harming me? Or if you're going to respond negatively to it, at least say that this is what *you* think. This is what *you* feel.
Eight: one of the greatest and most unique things about the LGBT community in general is that it's so fluid; we don't have to conform to any group/lable/ideal that we don't want. There will always be someone who appreciates who you are and what you do. And there will always be someone who does not. Honestly, isn't it just easier to be who you are and live and let live? If you want to be a fag, queer, sissy, slut, "str8", bi, "fluid", butch, dyke, bitch, queen, just do it. You're the one that has to look at your reflection, not anyone else.
Second: Just because someone responds appreciatively to a nice greeting such as, "hey, great profile; you seem pretty cool," does not mean it is okay to immediately respond with either asking,"what are you into?", or a picture of one's self that would make even...well, me...cringe.
Third: Chatting does not = marriage. IMing with a guy for a couple weeks back and forth does not give one the right to be jealous if the other one has actual real live people to spend time with. It also does not mean that the involved parties are planning to wed and have a million gay babies. Chill out.
Fourth: "Hanging out" does not always entail nekkid olympics.
Fifth: "Friends" sometimes means just that - friends. And sometimes, that means there's no sexual tension, no crude innuendos, and no questions such as "how hung are you?" exchanged.
Sixth: Do we all have to be so passive agressive? If you're pissed, be pissed and say so. If you're hurt, be hurt and say so. Strap on a pair, men - aren't we supposed to be pre-equipped with those accessories?
Seven: I know from personal experience that it's not the hetero homo-haters we have to watch out for - it's our own group. WTF? If you don't like something or someone, don't like them. But not liking someone or something is not a valid reason to crap all over it/them or react violently to it/them. Get a grip and ask yourself: is that really harming me? Or if you're going to respond negatively to it, at least say that this is what *you* think. This is what *you* feel.
Eight: one of the greatest and most unique things about the LGBT community in general is that it's so fluid; we don't have to conform to any group/lable/ideal that we don't want. There will always be someone who appreciates who you are and what you do. And there will always be someone who does not. Honestly, isn't it just easier to be who you are and live and let live? If you want to be a fag, queer, sissy, slut, "str8", bi, "fluid", butch, dyke, bitch, queen, just do it. You're the one that has to look at your reflection, not anyone else.
Uh oh...
Brad just found a way to make free cell phone ringers from iTunes and upload them to his cell phone.
This could be trouble.
This could be trouble.
She's evil. And Must be destroyed.
I've been watching BtVS lately. Heh.
Talked to my mom last night. My nephew is due any time now, and every one is one pins and needles waiting for the phone call. I guess my brother's driving everyone nuts having those first-time dad worries. lol. My parents are really excited. He's due tomorrow, and they figure he's already a little over 8 pounds. Gonna be a big boy! I'm kind of excited, too. Wish I could be there for the delivery. Not like in the room, because, ew. So, I decided I'm taking my vacation early. I was going to take it the last week of October, but with inventory this weekend and not having any days off for a while, I decided to treat myself to a long weekend. I'm heading home on the 11th and staying for four days. I'm a little nervous - the last time I was there I had Frank with me. At least this time I'll get to see my family a little more. And meet my new nephew:) (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wilde_moon, I'm pretty sure you're still in Texas, right? that sucks.)
In other stuff, it's still way too soon to even say anything, but there may be someone entering the picture. God knows I'm not jumping back into the "holy hell this is fast" thing again. We're still talking on the phone, but he did ask me out for next week. I think I'm going to take him up on it. One date wont hurt anything. He's funny, and charming, and handsome. And he's a friend of a friend of a mutual friend of mine and Frank's, so he kind of knows what happened there, which takes a lot of pressure out of the situation and off of me. I'm not holding my breath, or expecting anything. It'll just be nice to be *out* again. A part of this world.
Also, the weekend after I get back from home, I'm heading down to Terre Haute with Justin & Cari for "The Walk." Apparently it's a UofI tradition. All the bars along the street to the stadium throw open their doors with drink specials, and you have to have at least a drink at each one. At the end of the street is the stadium, which is filled with tents and stuff supported by the frats and organizations. it's supposed to be a blast, and i'm very excited:) I guess thousands of students and alumni do it.
Now, to try and sleep before work tonight. Blegh.
Talked to my mom last night. My nephew is due any time now, and every one is one pins and needles waiting for the phone call. I guess my brother's driving everyone nuts having those first-time dad worries. lol. My parents are really excited. He's due tomorrow, and they figure he's already a little over 8 pounds. Gonna be a big boy! I'm kind of excited, too. Wish I could be there for the delivery. Not like in the room, because, ew. So, I decided I'm taking my vacation early. I was going to take it the last week of October, but with inventory this weekend and not having any days off for a while, I decided to treat myself to a long weekend. I'm heading home on the 11th and staying for four days. I'm a little nervous - the last time I was there I had Frank with me. At least this time I'll get to see my family a little more. And meet my new nephew:) (
wilde_moon, I'm pretty sure you're still in Texas, right? that sucks.)In other stuff, it's still way too soon to even say anything, but there may be someone entering the picture. God knows I'm not jumping back into the "holy hell this is fast" thing again. We're still talking on the phone, but he did ask me out for next week. I think I'm going to take him up on it. One date wont hurt anything. He's funny, and charming, and handsome. And he's a friend of a friend of a mutual friend of mine and Frank's, so he kind of knows what happened there, which takes a lot of pressure out of the situation and off of me. I'm not holding my breath, or expecting anything. It'll just be nice to be *out* again. A part of this world.
Also, the weekend after I get back from home, I'm heading down to Terre Haute with Justin & Cari for "The Walk." Apparently it's a UofI tradition. All the bars along the street to the stadium throw open their doors with drink specials, and you have to have at least a drink at each one. At the end of the street is the stadium, which is filled with tents and stuff supported by the frats and organizations. it's supposed to be a blast, and i'm very excited:) I guess thousands of students and alumni do it.
Now, to try and sleep before work tonight. Blegh.
Free falling
If there's one good thing that's come out of this job, it's that I am once again a morning person, and an early morning person at that. I love getting up early on my days off (6am is technically early, but think about this: I'm still sleeping in by 3 hours), before the sun rises. Making my coffee with the kitchen light on, looking out the back door. It's always so still and calm. It's a great way to start my day.
Plans for today include looking at a multitude of graduate schools, and requesting every scrap of information that I can. I'm hoping to narrow down to my decision here in about 2 weeks (it's crunch time in academia - worst time possible to be thinking about school), so that I can send off for letters of recommendation, records, etc. I know that my first choice school is University of Washington in Seattle (yay,cavaling!, thanks for the tip!) because they've got the perfect program for me. Also, the location is ideal. Out west I'm also looking at Berkely & San Diego. Here in the midwest, I'm looking at Wisconsin, SIU (Illinois), Indiana University, Purdue, University of Iowa. East coast I'm browsing through Boston, North Carolina, and Virginia.
I also need to call and register myself for the GRE - hopefully it won't take TOO long to get my results. Which also means that I need to go to the bookstore and pick up study materials. Hopefully I'll be taking that in a couple of weeks as well.
This is nice - I have some sort of direction. Amazing the clarity that comes with it. It's also weird to be thinking about being back in school, and prepping for it. I just hope I get accepted somewhere. If I don't, it might break my heart.
Plans for today include looking at a multitude of graduate schools, and requesting every scrap of information that I can. I'm hoping to narrow down to my decision here in about 2 weeks (it's crunch time in academia - worst time possible to be thinking about school), so that I can send off for letters of recommendation, records, etc. I know that my first choice school is University of Washington in Seattle (yay,
cavaling!, thanks for the tip!) because they've got the perfect program for me. Also, the location is ideal. Out west I'm also looking at Berkely & San Diego. Here in the midwest, I'm looking at Wisconsin, SIU (Illinois), Indiana University, Purdue, University of Iowa. East coast I'm browsing through Boston, North Carolina, and Virginia. I also need to call and register myself for the GRE - hopefully it won't take TOO long to get my results. Which also means that I need to go to the bookstore and pick up study materials. Hopefully I'll be taking that in a couple of weeks as well.
This is nice - I have some sort of direction. Amazing the clarity that comes with it. It's also weird to be thinking about being back in school, and prepping for it. I just hope I get accepted somewhere. If I don't, it might break my heart.
*deep breath*
Ever notice how nice and clean the air smells in the autumn? Well add to that the scents of cinnamon toast and sugar cookies, and that's exactly what my apartment smells like right now. Mmm.
Had a really great day at work. I came in to more praise in the communication log. Phil pulled me into the office just to tell me he's really amazed at the great job me and my crew have been doing. I think I might even have gone into respect mode. Can't ask for much more than that.
I don't know. I just, I feel a lot better. About everything, really. I guess the cognitivists have it, then.
Had a really great day at work. I came in to more praise in the communication log. Phil pulled me into the office just to tell me he's really amazed at the great job me and my crew have been doing. I think I might even have gone into respect mode. Can't ask for much more than that.
I don't know. I just, I feel a lot better. About everything, really. I guess the cognitivists have it, then.
All is right with the world
*happy contented sigh*
Today's just...a good day. Storms have been blowing through since last night, so today it's all gray and chilly here - as well it should be! I had a good day at work - three of my district managers, including my LP DM who reviewed and flunked me last time, and a store manager from another store were by to do a pre-inventory audit. Every single one of them told me how amazing the store looks, compared to how it was the last time they were in (about 75% o fmy job is about making sure the store is up-to-date and full, etc.), and that I must have been working really hard. Deb, the LP DM, pulled me aside and said she almost did a hail mary when she saw the lock up area (I've been working on getting it organized and whatnot). So yeah - I was finally recognized for all the rediculous BS I've been having to do/deal with the last few weeks. I'm still tense - and will be till inventory next Sat - but it was such a great feeling to have so many superiors actually thank me for working so hard. And Phil wasn't there to take any of my credit away. Didn't even bother me that I was there an hour longer doing the inventory walk with them.
Felt so good, I stopped off at Best Buy on my way home. Replaced my Mean Girls (I've gotta stop loaning this movie to boyfriends - this is the fourth time I've bought this movie.). So I'm thinking I'll do a feel-good-teeny-bopper movie night, since I'm off tomorrow. Picked up some strawberry wine (mmm...) and I'm already in my pjs. Project: Feel Good and Relax is a go, people. I repeat, it is a go.
Today's just...a good day. Storms have been blowing through since last night, so today it's all gray and chilly here - as well it should be! I had a good day at work - three of my district managers, including my LP DM who reviewed and flunked me last time, and a store manager from another store were by to do a pre-inventory audit. Every single one of them told me how amazing the store looks, compared to how it was the last time they were in (about 75% o fmy job is about making sure the store is up-to-date and full, etc.), and that I must have been working really hard. Deb, the LP DM, pulled me aside and said she almost did a hail mary when she saw the lock up area (I've been working on getting it organized and whatnot). So yeah - I was finally recognized for all the rediculous BS I've been having to do/deal with the last few weeks. I'm still tense - and will be till inventory next Sat - but it was such a great feeling to have so many superiors actually thank me for working so hard. And Phil wasn't there to take any of my credit away. Didn't even bother me that I was there an hour longer doing the inventory walk with them.
Felt so good, I stopped off at Best Buy on my way home. Replaced my Mean Girls (I've gotta stop loaning this movie to boyfriends - this is the fourth time I've bought this movie.). So I'm thinking I'll do a feel-good-teeny-bopper movie night, since I'm off tomorrow. Picked up some strawberry wine (mmm...) and I'm already in my pjs. Project: Feel Good and Relax is a go, people. I repeat, it is a go.
I think it's time
I wrote this, more for myself and about myself than for anything or anyone else. I've realized I've been wallowing. I can't let myself fall into that again. I need to move on, from everything. I need to just let go. And so, this:
( A proclamation for the masses: )
( A proclamation for the masses: )
Cramming
I've decided that I have to go back to school, whether I want to or not. I don't want to work crap jobs my whole life, which is the path I'm on right now. I'm once again looking through university websites trying to find the right program. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. It's such a big commitment, and I know I can't afford to do it. But honestly I can't afford not to. If I get accepted, it will have been two years between undergraduate and graduate. And, though it may not be the right thing for me, at least it's something. At least I won't be feeling like I'm wasting my life. I'm pretty scared. Extremely nervous. But I feel a little bit better. This probably means moving to yet another state, and starting all over yet again. But I can deal.
On the flip side, work is a little bit better. Mostly because for the first time in my life, I've decided to shut my mouth, keep my head down, and do what I'm told.
Also, my nephew is due any day now, so that's exciting.
And now to get my day off started with a bang. Guitar Hero's calling my name.
On the flip side, work is a little bit better. Mostly because for the first time in my life, I've decided to shut my mouth, keep my head down, and do what I'm told.
Also, my nephew is due any day now, so that's exciting.
And now to get my day off started with a bang. Guitar Hero's calling my name.
I'm bad
So. Hi, bandwagon. My name's Brad. Nice to see you all again.
Someone - though I couldn't say who - just bought the 80gig iPod. *whistles innocently*
in black.
I this person has over 3,000 songs, alone, in my their iTunes library. This could take days to sync. sigh.
la la la. I guess I'll go watch Supernatural while my NEW IPOD syncs. ahem.
Yeah, it's mine. sheesh.
Someone - though I couldn't say who - just bought the 80gig iPod. *whistles innocently*
in black.
la la la. I guess I'll go watch Supernatural while my NEW IPOD syncs. ahem.
Yeah, it's mine. sheesh.
There's something in a Sunday
There really is something about waking up at sunrise, making a pot of coffee and watching the sun come up over the houses to the east. The house is cold - fall is really settling in Sheridan. The tree in the backyard is shedding already.
I'm feeling artistic this morning. I want to paint or sing or write something. Anyone have any prompts?
Yesterday I got paid, and wanted to spend a little money, do a spot of shopping like I used to do. Mostly, I'm on track, and can afford a little something here and there. I've been dreaming of a pair of jeans that actually fit. And there's a new mp3 player I want. So I spent about two hours after work yesterday going in and out of stores, browsing, fondling. I came home with a cold pepsi (my frige is still busted) and a tooth brush.
Yeah, that's right - this material boy is material no more, apparently. Seems like everything I looked at felt like it cost too much, or I talked myself out of it. I just find that so strange. I used to shop like crazy, spending money I didn't even have, on things I didn't need. Now it's like pulling teeth to get me to buy something I actually *do* need. Weird.
So anyway, today I'm going to go out and I'm not coming home until I have a pair of jeans and my mp3 player. I worked hard for this extra chunk of change on my paycheck. I deserve some new stuff.
I'm feeling artistic this morning. I want to paint or sing or write something. Anyone have any prompts?
Yesterday I got paid, and wanted to spend a little money, do a spot of shopping like I used to do. Mostly, I'm on track, and can afford a little something here and there. I've been dreaming of a pair of jeans that actually fit. And there's a new mp3 player I want. So I spent about two hours after work yesterday going in and out of stores, browsing, fondling. I came home with a cold pepsi (my frige is still busted) and a tooth brush.
Yeah, that's right - this material boy is material no more, apparently. Seems like everything I looked at felt like it cost too much, or I talked myself out of it. I just find that so strange. I used to shop like crazy, spending money I didn't even have, on things I didn't need. Now it's like pulling teeth to get me to buy something I actually *do* need. Weird.
So anyway, today I'm going to go out and I'm not coming home until I have a pair of jeans and my mp3 player. I worked hard for this extra chunk of change on my paycheck. I deserve some new stuff.
Much better day
Work still sucks, but one thing that isnice about having a mind-numbing job is that you can totally zone out and think about absolutely nothing while doing it. My stress level dropped about a hundred points - the boss is out for the week. Still no word from the landlord. If I don't hear back/get ahold of him by friday, I'm calling a repair man and sending the bill to him. Of course, he never got back to me about the hole in the bathroom cieling that becomes a waterfall when it rains, either. That's one way of doing it, I guess.
I came home today, played a little GH (I've gotten so much better - proud of myself, I am), read for a bit, and crashed for a couple of hours. Means I probably won't fall asleep till really late tonight, but it's worth it. It's not like my life requires me to be on a "normal" sleep schedule. It's not as if my life requires a normal anything. I don't have any rules to live by, no one else to think of but myself. All I really have to do is work and pay bills - the rest, I guess, is up to me. So I think it's back to GH, then the book, then maybe a nice long bath.
Also, it's been a gorgeous day. It was cold and gray all morning just the way I like it, and then when I got off work the sun came out *glare*. Not too bad though, it's finally like fall weather. It's nice and chilly. Makes me wanna curl up with some cider. mmm. I think I'm gonna check with some friends and maybe organize a camping/fishing trip. That sounds like SO MUCH fun to me right now.
I came home today, played a little GH (I've gotten so much better - proud of myself, I am), read for a bit, and crashed for a couple of hours. Means I probably won't fall asleep till really late tonight, but it's worth it. It's not like my life requires me to be on a "normal" sleep schedule. It's not as if my life requires a normal anything. I don't have any rules to live by, no one else to think of but myself. All I really have to do is work and pay bills - the rest, I guess, is up to me. So I think it's back to GH, then the book, then maybe a nice long bath.
Also, it's been a gorgeous day. It was cold and gray all morning just the way I like it, and then when I got off work the sun came out *glare*. Not too bad though, it's finally like fall weather. It's nice and chilly. Makes me wanna curl up with some cider. mmm. I think I'm gonna check with some friends and maybe organize a camping/fishing trip. That sounds like SO MUCH fun to me right now.
Entry tags:
Thanks, ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tabaqui!
Somehow this is my response to tabaqui's prompts of "green, anise, wool." I think maybe I'm a little rusty.
( A stolen moment. )
tabaqui's prompts of "green, anise, wool." I think maybe I'm a little rusty.( A stolen moment. )
Cutting
Hate to do this - don't think i've ever done it before. But I need to cut some people off my flist - I just don't really read everyone, and there's a lot to read as it is!
BUT if I cut you and you don't want to be, just leave a comment and I'll re-add you.
BUT if I cut you and you don't want to be, just leave a comment and I'll re-add you.
Shock of all shocks
It's true. Despite my hatred of reality TV...
I'm in love with the Kathy Griffin show.
She cracks m up.
I'm in love with the Kathy Griffin show.
She cracks m up.