Hyper Little Thoughts

Crackling static dribbles from the stereo speakers;
the crashing wind screams and freezes through the cracked window
as I slice through the night on burning rubber.
The lights of the city glow like embers against the twilight sky behind me.
My slick palms grip the wheel, knuckles white and aching.
Every piece of me is throbbing, exhaling, humming, singing.
Laughter is pressed against my lips,
my tongue rolling against my teeth in a silent grin.
I cannot keep still the thoughts and fantasies that hopscotch through my mind,
the daydreams and longings that pierce this newly unlocked vault that is my heart,
my soul.
Even as my shoe mashes the iron pedal against the synthetic floor
I feel myself drifting, floating, sailing slowly and steadily
towards a place I feel safe, towards a place I feel normal again.
To you.

This is but one memory of a thousand
which would that I could be rid of.
Only one of a thousand sleepless nights remembering rememberings
which I only wish to forget.

Four different people just texted me asking me to come out tonight, and two of them told me to come in costume. For the life of me, I could not understand why.

Right. halloween.

When the hell did it get to be halloween? Where did this year go?

boo. work stucks.

I think today is an "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" day. i haven't watched that since i moved, and i think i need to correct that.

yay, tonight! going out, me and cari are heading for kareokee and our respective poisons. sounds like fun to me.

but first, i nap.

Well I guess there is something to be said for affirming life.

*skips tiredly off to bed*

I really have this incredible urge to just pack up my car with a few changes of clothes and just keep driving until I can't anymore.

What do you do when your mom calls you and tells you that now they've found several large lumps in her breast. And that if the biopsy comes back positive for breast cancer, she'll forgoe treatment. What do you do when she tells you that six months to live is a blessing?

I think I'm becoming an anti-capitalist.

Money sucks.

I was wondering if any of you SPN fans happen to know a good SPN song/soundtrack/playlist website out there, or have one? I love the music, but don't know classic rock very well at all.

My trip home was a fairly decent one. Spent it mostly with my family, hung out with a few friends I haven't seen for a long while. My nephew is, obviously, adorable. My brother's going to be a really good dad. And now, he's married. It's very strange for me. I was always so ashamed of him, and now I'm really proud of him, a little jealous, even. Mostly proud. And his wife's a good woman, too.

Genevieve called, and we talked. I knew it would happen someday, but truth be told I thought it would take longer. She's leaving Chicago, and she was explaining to me why, and it was all the same things I said when I left. She said she finally understands why I left. This is also very strange. I'm finally settling into this completely on my own / alone feeling, and all these old friends are coming out of the woodwork. I don't know if I'm ready to have so much of my past back in my life.

Everything's so encredibly different, but also so much the same. I feel like I've gone through a lot of changes but it's not enough.

Coming at you from my new laptop. Squee. I can even deal with the mental terrorism my parents put me through to get it. They bought it for me, but only on the condition that I'm back in school inside of a year. It doesn't sound as bad as it actually was.

The trip home, so far, has been...interesting to say the least. Some highlights are that my mom has become a raving loon, my sister is a cokehead, my dad is clueless or at least pretends to be, and my brother's wife decided she doesn't really like our family so much and is somewhat playing keepaway with the baby - at least that's what my mom thinks. Personally, I think Ethan is only a week old, has a broken shoulder (they had to break it to get him out), and a first time father on his heels, so it seems only natural that they are kind of hiding him away for a bit. Plus, it's not like we can't see him - we just have to drive out to where he is to do so, which I don't think is all that unreasonable. I'm going out today to actually see and hold him. But, I managed to get some pictures of him. The first in a series of nephew pic!spam: