Derailment

[synapticjava]

Well, tomorrow night I guess I'll know if me and Tom are still going to be together. The past couple of weeks, we've been having issues and fighting nonstop. We haven't really spoken to each other for this whole past week. So I booked a hotel in Marion tomorrow night, and we're going to go and talk, on neutral ground. It's killing me that we might be breaking up, it makes me physically sick to my stomache to think of not being with him. I do love him, am still in love with him. But these problems...they're big. Our differences - which brought us together - are dividing us more and more every time we talk. It's almost like we've forgotten why we even liked each other to begin with. We're just in such different places in our lives, I don't know if we can make it work no matter how hard we both try. And right now, we're not even trying. When I haven't heard from him for three days and call only to find out he's hanging out with his friends...how should I feel? It reminds me of that reba song "Lonely Alone," and the lyrics are mostly if i have to be lonely, i'd rather be lonely alone. he says he's just been busy and going through some stuff, but isn't that what a partner is for - to share those things with? Busy, I get - I was in college once. But too busy to pick up the phone and say "Hey, I'm busy, but thinking about you?" He just doesn't look at me the same way he used to...It's like I'm just not important to him anymore. And I can't keep ignoring it, and taking the excuses. It's not fair, to either one of us.

I just wish I knew what to do. I can't stand the thought of another break up - of breaking up with him. I want to work things out, but...what if we can't? Then a year...another fucking year is just gone. I mean, it's not like I'm worried that I'll never find someone, because that's never true. The point is...I want it to be him. I'm just afraid that life has other things in store.

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear this is not going well for you.

[reddwarf75.livejournal.com]

I don't have any solutions or even any advice, but I do hope everything works out for u two... Can I offer a *hug*?
Marie

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry sweetheart.

[tabaqui]

Ah, man. Okay....

Do you think that the two of you should just...say...take a break? Say - look, you've got stuff on your mind, you can't or don't want to share them right now, let's just not talk or worry about each other for a couple of weeks, pretend we don't *have* any responsibility to the other person... I dunno. On the one hand, i am utterly phobic of people who can't be alone. My SO is like that, and it drives me nuts. I can happily go for *days* and not talk to anyone, even him. Hell, not talk at *all*. If he dropped dead tomorrow, i'd never date again, or remarry. I like being alone.

On the other hand, some people - my SO - hate being alone. They like to chat all the time. My bro-in-law and his wife call each other like ten times a day. I boggle. WTF do they have to say? Nothing changes in an hour. I can't even imagine. But it works for them.

Maybe you guys can find a balance of communication and closeness and need. Maybe you'd hate that and it would suck and 'no way', maybe it would make him want to be closer, maybe nothing would change, i dunno. But just because, like you say up there, 'a partner is for sharing things'....but when my dad died, i didn't want to talk about with my SO. I didn't want to cry in his arms. I wanted to go away by myself until i had it all under control. He felt really bad about not being there the day my dad died, no being in the hospital with us, but...i didn't really want him there. It was easier for me to be just with my family and not have to worry about making him feel better or responding to him, you know?

Not trying to excuse Tom, or say you should just 'suck it up'. Just saying people deal differently, and maybe if you can find a compromise, you can work this all out. Don't give up hope, bay-bee.
*hugs*