I need to wake up

[synapticjava]

I occaisionally make pretty stupid mistakes. This whole Todd fiasco has kinda made me come around and kick myself in the ass. I guess it's true what I always tell people - communication is key, especially in relationships. The whole situation came about because I was having problems and issues, and rather than bring them up and discuss them with him, I bottled it up and kept ignoring it. And then, after getting upset at him one more time, ran to my alkie tendancies. That was the nail in the coffin.

So two problems have come up and slapped me in the face that I need to deal with. The first one - my tendancy to, as both Vive and Phillip have pointed out, focus on everyone but myself. Maybe if I'd been honest with myself and stuck up for myself, none of this would have happened. The second issue is my tendancy towards escapism. I dread confrontation. Just thinking about it makes my stomach do that flippy thing. And, unfortunetely, I've noticed that my escapism is more and more becoming booze. I certainly don't think I'm an alchoholic - but that's what alcoholics say. So, I think the best thing for me to do is to go a while without drinking at all, just to prove to myself I can do it, that I'm not dependant on it.

I have, probably, about 20,000 things to do before 9am, and I really don't want to do any of them. i would much rather sit here in my chair in my hoody and watch TV alone in the dark.

But hey, some good news: I've decided to resign from iRi - believe me, this is a good thing. Also, Vive said she'd put my resume in with her company as an admin, which I think i've got a pretty good chance at getting. I so want to be on the right track here.

AND we're going to Nashville for our birthdays - the weekend before. That'll be a lot of fun. I've never been, and her family is all down there.

Comments

[kitty-poker1.livejournal.com]

Moving away from the booze sounds like a good idea, Brad. I have a tendency to escape into the bottle myself when things go wrong, but it doesn't work. The problems are still there when I sober up and in the meantime, I've said and done silly and hurtful things.

Good luck with the job application and have fun in Nashville. :)

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Thanks, babe.