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So, I've decided to kinda make this a regular thing:) At least twice a week I'm gonna come down here to the cafe and order a coffee (it's $1.25) and sit here and be online again. It's nice, having this back a little bit. Especially since it kinda seems like other things are on-track-worthy. Not wanting to jinx myself, though. And also not gonna give myself a happy high, because then its bad too. But I'd have to say that for now...I'm content. I've got this great guy in my life that I can't stop thinking about. Starting monday, I'll have this new job that I might hate but I'll be making more money than ever. I'm writing again. I'm mostly back in the world, but under my terms. Getting some new friends, even. Gabriel from HD and I are going to hang out Halloween with our respective boyfriends and watch the parade if I get home from work early enough. And Philip will be back from Europe in a couple days! You know it's funny considering how we grew to be such good friends.
And for the best news yet: My dad's being released from the nursing home! He's being released under my grandmother's care because there aren't any stairs at her place. My mom's a little upset about that, that she still can't have him home. But they decided it's the best decision. He's not allowed to put any weight on his bad leg, he can't climb stairs, and they pretty much told him he's never going to work again outside of an office. But he's alive, he can walk. They hired someone to replace him as main contractor, so now he can focus on running the business.
You know, I just finished reading Dean Koontz's From The Corner of his Eye. Fundamentally, it's a book about quantum physics and the saint, Barthalomew, and how the lesson of his life is the chain of reactions ripples through everything, so that even a bird taking flight in China could cause a tornado here. I guess through all of this......I've been looking up with open eyes a lot more. While I'm not ready to admit there is a supreme God with some ingenious plan for the world, I'm starting to see the network of overlapping events and chains of sequences that bring us to where we are. I've always believed that who a person really is is the result of experience, everything that happens to them shapes who they become. What happened to me in high school, and subsequently college and after college, has all shaped me to be the man that I am. We're never done "being shaped," because our lives are continous experience (incidentally this informs my answer to the "why are we here?" question - to experience). The last few months have been harder than I ever could have thought possible. At the top of the list, my dad, and what a blow to our family it was. Then there was losing my job, dating a jerk, having my computer stolen, and all of the tons of things that happen every day that make each day seem like it is the worst day ever!
What I'm saying, though, is that I've begun to see the little links everywhere. Maybe what happened to my dad, though horrible and assuredly accidental, happened to bring our family closer and remind me that they are more important to me than I wanted to admit. Maybe getting fired happened so that I could feel free to move on to bigger and better things, starting with Home Depot, where I've met a great new friend. Maybe dating Sam and the disaster it was happened so that I would meet Neil.
I've been thinking about this stuff for the past few months, and I guess I'm starting to find my way back to spirituality, because I can see how everything is connected. It's something I haven't felt/seen in a very long time, and it's actually very comforting. While I doubt I'll ever return to a church or conventionism, I can see now that maybe this is important in my life. I kind of like it.
Anyway, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Sunny, warming up (though still fall crispy), and I have to go to work. Last day, though, because I think I'm calling in tomorrow to spend with my baby. He gets back tonight and is supposed to call me. See...if you could see, I've got this huge smile on.
And for the best news yet: My dad's being released from the nursing home! He's being released under my grandmother's care because there aren't any stairs at her place. My mom's a little upset about that, that she still can't have him home. But they decided it's the best decision. He's not allowed to put any weight on his bad leg, he can't climb stairs, and they pretty much told him he's never going to work again outside of an office. But he's alive, he can walk. They hired someone to replace him as main contractor, so now he can focus on running the business.
You know, I just finished reading Dean Koontz's From The Corner of his Eye. Fundamentally, it's a book about quantum physics and the saint, Barthalomew, and how the lesson of his life is the chain of reactions ripples through everything, so that even a bird taking flight in China could cause a tornado here. I guess through all of this......I've been looking up with open eyes a lot more. While I'm not ready to admit there is a supreme God with some ingenious plan for the world, I'm starting to see the network of overlapping events and chains of sequences that bring us to where we are. I've always believed that who a person really is is the result of experience, everything that happens to them shapes who they become. What happened to me in high school, and subsequently college and after college, has all shaped me to be the man that I am. We're never done "being shaped," because our lives are continous experience (incidentally this informs my answer to the "why are we here?" question - to experience). The last few months have been harder than I ever could have thought possible. At the top of the list, my dad, and what a blow to our family it was. Then there was losing my job, dating a jerk, having my computer stolen, and all of the tons of things that happen every day that make each day seem like it is the worst day ever!
What I'm saying, though, is that I've begun to see the little links everywhere. Maybe what happened to my dad, though horrible and assuredly accidental, happened to bring our family closer and remind me that they are more important to me than I wanted to admit. Maybe getting fired happened so that I could feel free to move on to bigger and better things, starting with Home Depot, where I've met a great new friend. Maybe dating Sam and the disaster it was happened so that I would meet Neil.
I've been thinking about this stuff for the past few months, and I guess I'm starting to find my way back to spirituality, because I can see how everything is connected. It's something I haven't felt/seen in a very long time, and it's actually very comforting. While I doubt I'll ever return to a church or conventionism, I can see now that maybe this is important in my life. I kind of like it.
Anyway, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Sunny, warming up (though still fall crispy), and I have to go to work. Last day, though, because I think I'm calling in tomorrow to spend with my baby. He gets back tonight and is supposed to call me. See...if you could see, I've got this huge smile on.
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