Xmas is all about prozac and keeping sharp, pointy objects out of range.

[synapticjava]

Actually it wasn't that bad, this time. No big arguments, no yelling or screaming, just random disfuncionality.


This time was definetely bittersweet, for me. Let me explain: Dr. Anderson, when talking about family systems, explains it as a dance. Every family has a specific dance they do, and each member participates. But when one member leaves, or the structure changes at all, the family has to accomadate that change, and therefore the dance changes. Well, my family's learned a new dance, and I'm not really apart of it. They've finally come to the understanding that I live in Chicago now, and it isn't a temporary thing. Which, cool. It was just really wierd to be there but only be a fly on the wall, you know? I guess I'm not even that upset about it, it just made me feel kind of...odd, like I didn't belong there. Add that to the fact that I detest where I'm from, and you've got a boring hateful holiday.

Also, I'm really worried about my grandpa. He's not doing well at all. And he told me, repeatedly, that he's not good for anything anymore, and we should just put him out to pasture. It scares me to death, because I don't want anything to happen to him. It would kill my grandma - they've been married 57 years. I just feel so sorry for him. He can't really do anything. He needs help to stand up, walk, go to the bathroom, everything. And for a self-sufficiant farmer who grew up in the era he did, that really is like no one needs him - to him, at least. I'm just scared I'm going to get a phone call in the next few months. I don't know what I would do. It's really hard for me, too, because until I moved up here, I was the person they called when they needed anything. Now, they can't do that. So I've got the whole "I deserted them" thing going on, which - don't worry - I know it isn't true. Just hard to deal with sometimes.



It was truly a redneck christmas for me. I got a carton of smokes, a bottle of wine, a case of beer, and some cold hard cash. I also got dish towels and kitchen utensils. wilde_moon bought me Polar Express on DVD which I watched last night. *sigh* I love that movie. I also got candles by the dozens (teehee!) and a couple of cute shirts. Good times.


More or less, my holiday was uneventful, but exhausting. It seems that the longer I live in Chicago, the more anxious I get when I'm away for an extended period of time. But again - that could be just that I don't like the QC's. *shrugs*


And also, I miss Matt.

Comments

[caviling]

I'm sorry about your grandpa. It's always difficult to see awesome old people go into a decline. I hope there are people around willing to remind him that he's not useless. He's lucky to have you!

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Heh. Thanks.

[tsavoritegarnet.livejournal.com]

one thing I did as my grandpa got older, was to be more in touch with him. He and I got to be good friends after I was an adult, and as his health and abilities failed him more and more, we began to talk on the phone regularly. Sometimes it was just the same conversation over and over, other times I was able to ask for advice or information and we'd have a great talk.

If you've got the option, be more intouch with your grandpa -- whatever common ground you can find. It might give him something to feel more useful for, not to mention being pleasant for both of you.

You and Matt are just hitting all the 'cute' buttons. Awwww.

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear about your granddad. *hugs*

Glad you had a great holiday, sweetie