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Well, everyone told me I'd meet some interesting people living in the city - they didn't lie. Why don't we take a tour of the last few days of Brad's life, shall we?
Saturday night, I worked a wedding for a very prominant member of Chicago society (not to mention the mob) (as if that wasn't enough corruption, the mayor showed up). One of my coworkers that night was someone I hadn't worked with before. Named Rodi. Throughout the night, he'd been making little comments and gestures and whatnot - standing too close or touching a little too much. Towards the end of the night, he gave me his card - he's a tattoo artist by day, apparently. And he says the words "If you ever need your ass done, I'd be happy to oblige." I was so dumbfounded I just put the card in my wallet and avoided him the rest of the night.
Sunday night I worked another wedding at the Nature Museum. Guess who else is working? Yeah, same guy. So the rest of the night, he's totally flirting with me and whatnot. Well, towards the end of the night, we're loading the truck up so we can get out of there, and someone asks me which bars I go to. So I go into my anti-pretty boy schpeal and how I don't like bars populated by stuck up queens who think they're god's gift to men. I said something to the effect of "I don't enjoy going to a bar where I ask someone if I can buy them a drink and they immediately turn around and dish shit to their friends". The florist who was there taking their stuff down walks by, grabs my ass, plants a kiss on me and says "you can buy me a drink anytime, cutie." And then he walks away, leaving me doing a pretty good impression of a big-mouth bass. Again, I was so stunned that I didn't have time to say or do anything. Meanwhile, everyone else is laughing and cheering at me. Rodi comes up, smacks me on the butt, and goes home. Someone else asked me what that was about, and I explained everything. Then she tells me he's not 19, which he looks, but 31 and married three times over. WTF?
So LAST night, after doing my weekly facial/skin regime, I decided I was feeling too good to stay in, so I put on my hotpants, green suede adidas and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt, and head to Sidetrack, the video bar a few blocks away. As usual, it was show tunes and movie clips with gay themes. I'm sitting there drinking my beer (because it's $4 for a BEER and I'm so not going to spend more that $5 on a drink if I can get away with it), and this guy comes up and taps me on the shoulder and says "I don't know you or anything about you, I just wanted to tell you I'm a huge fan of TMNT (he actually uses the initials). My name's Brian, and it's just wierd that you're wearing that shirt because I was just talking to my friends about how the cartoon needs to come out on DVD." So, I'm thinking - how cute, a little geeky, but in an adorable way. So we talk for a few minutes, and he says he has to get back to his friends and that he hopes to see me again sometime. A half hour later, they show clips from RENT and I'm singing along (because, well, duh), and this group of girls sees that I know the words and comes over and make me join them in ACTING it out. Was fun times. They bought me a drink, and we talked for a while. By then it was so packed, it was hard to move, so I headed to Gentry, the piano bar. I get there and Paul, the singer, is singing Judy (again - he sings the same song EVERY NIGHT). So I take a seat, start a tab, and have a couple Raz and 7's, and this guy sits down at my table and introduces himself as Fernando. We talk for a while, smoke a few cigarettes, and he decides to circulate the room, but "hope to run into you again" comes up.
Almost as soon as he's gone, the Creepy Old DudeTM sits down and immediately starts talking about how gorgeous I am (at first it was really sweet, but it kind of got old once I figured out where he was going with it). He starts asking me incredibly personal questions, like what am I "into" and how "big" am I? And then he's like "so when you were a boy, did you play with other boys". That should have been a red flag, but I didn't really put it all together for a bit. So I'm trying to steer the conversation into more comfortable topics, and he keeps going back to "I'd be so lucky to have a chance with you, you wouldn't regret it." At this point I'm starting to get not only fed up but a little pissed off. I mean, I'm not trying to be mean and rude to the guy, so I keep talking to him, but you'd think he'd get the hint that I'm not interested. So then he tells me he's got a lover of 10 years. 10 minutes later the story changes to Married - that's when I noticed the wedding ring. And THEN he tells me I look like one of his sons. At this point in the plot, I ask for my bill and make the motions to get the hell out of there, rude or not. And that's when he offered me $150 to blow me. So I said, a little loud because some people turned around, that I am NOT a whore, and that maybe he should try the corner down the street if that's what he's looking for. I paid the bill and left, and that's when I made the phone post last night. It took all the strenght I had not to throw my drink in his face. As it was, I *left* half a glass of vodka on the table - something I've NEVER done before.
So, that was my experience over the last couple of days with various nutjobs. I really should write a book.
Saturday night, I worked a wedding for a very prominant member of Chicago society (not to mention the mob) (as if that wasn't enough corruption, the mayor showed up). One of my coworkers that night was someone I hadn't worked with before. Named Rodi. Throughout the night, he'd been making little comments and gestures and whatnot - standing too close or touching a little too much. Towards the end of the night, he gave me his card - he's a tattoo artist by day, apparently. And he says the words "If you ever need your ass done, I'd be happy to oblige." I was so dumbfounded I just put the card in my wallet and avoided him the rest of the night.
Sunday night I worked another wedding at the Nature Museum. Guess who else is working? Yeah, same guy. So the rest of the night, he's totally flirting with me and whatnot. Well, towards the end of the night, we're loading the truck up so we can get out of there, and someone asks me which bars I go to. So I go into my anti-pretty boy schpeal and how I don't like bars populated by stuck up queens who think they're god's gift to men. I said something to the effect of "I don't enjoy going to a bar where I ask someone if I can buy them a drink and they immediately turn around and dish shit to their friends". The florist who was there taking their stuff down walks by, grabs my ass, plants a kiss on me and says "you can buy me a drink anytime, cutie." And then he walks away, leaving me doing a pretty good impression of a big-mouth bass. Again, I was so stunned that I didn't have time to say or do anything. Meanwhile, everyone else is laughing and cheering at me. Rodi comes up, smacks me on the butt, and goes home. Someone else asked me what that was about, and I explained everything. Then she tells me he's not 19, which he looks, but 31 and married three times over. WTF?
So LAST night, after doing my weekly facial/skin regime, I decided I was feeling too good to stay in, so I put on my hotpants, green suede adidas and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt, and head to Sidetrack, the video bar a few blocks away. As usual, it was show tunes and movie clips with gay themes. I'm sitting there drinking my beer (because it's $4 for a BEER and I'm so not going to spend more that $5 on a drink if I can get away with it), and this guy comes up and taps me on the shoulder and says "I don't know you or anything about you, I just wanted to tell you I'm a huge fan of TMNT (he actually uses the initials). My name's Brian, and it's just wierd that you're wearing that shirt because I was just talking to my friends about how the cartoon needs to come out on DVD." So, I'm thinking - how cute, a little geeky, but in an adorable way. So we talk for a few minutes, and he says he has to get back to his friends and that he hopes to see me again sometime. A half hour later, they show clips from RENT and I'm singing along (because, well, duh), and this group of girls sees that I know the words and comes over and make me join them in ACTING it out. Was fun times. They bought me a drink, and we talked for a while. By then it was so packed, it was hard to move, so I headed to Gentry, the piano bar. I get there and Paul, the singer, is singing Judy (again - he sings the same song EVERY NIGHT). So I take a seat, start a tab, and have a couple Raz and 7's, and this guy sits down at my table and introduces himself as Fernando. We talk for a while, smoke a few cigarettes, and he decides to circulate the room, but "hope to run into you again" comes up.
Almost as soon as he's gone, the Creepy Old Dude
So, that was my experience over the last couple of days with various nutjobs. I really should write a book.
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Nice of the florist though. That sounds like it was a good moment.
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But I do so love the commercials.
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"Hi, you look like my kid--did I mention I'm a big fat closet case?--and I would like to bang you." NICE.
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*cringe*
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Yeah, t'was fun playing around, but that last one creeped me the hell out.
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Marie
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