Musings

[synapticjava]

From A.E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad, XLVIII:

"Now, and I muse for why and never find the reason,
I pace the earth, and drink the air, and feel the sun.
Be still, be still, my soul; it is but for a season:
Let us endure an hour and see injustice done."


Stupid weather. It's making me feel all morose and lonely. Have you ever noticed that, or is just me? Cold weather makes me feel all kinds of alone - isolated. When I was younger, I loved it. I don't anymore, and I want spring to be here. To be here and to stay here. It snowed earlier today. Supposed to flurry throughout the night. I'm so tired of being cold; tired of feeling cold. Seeing it grey outside makes me reflect it in my mood. Seeing my breath in front of my face makes me remember that too many things linger when they need to move on.

I'm in a bitter mood right now - it only just now hit me. I'm just feeling everything right now, and it bites. But on the other hand, it's given me a great idea for a short story - except I feel like I've read it before. I really would like to write it though, so maybe I will. It's been a really long time since I've written anything that isn't fandom-related or for school. Then again, the last time I read a book for pleasure that wasn't online was a few months ago. Maybe I should write it - see if I've still got it. I wonder about that a lot - if I can still write original stuff. Kind of afraid to find out. Oh, now I remember where I saw that short story - it was acted out in QAF S4.

I'm starting to get stressed out again. It's cruch time - we're going into midterms, and you know what that means - from this point on, Brad = crazy. Its at this point in the quarter where I just want to throw myself on the ground, kicking, screaming, and bawling. I am so not cut out for school. If it weren't for the fact that I've only got a year left (god willing), I would seriously consider dropping out and moving to some shit little town to be a truck driver. Or possibly a Carnie. I think I'm going to go stare at the TV screen for a while - at least there's human contact (even if it is synthetic) there. *yawn* Then maybe I'll go to bed. Sleeping is always nice.

Told you it was a bitter mood. Don't worry - I'll be back to being my other self tomorrow. But today I just want to be somber.

Comments

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

It finally got a little chilly here, almost like fall, and fall weather makes me nostalgic. It always takes me back to my freshman year in college and I remember all the friends I don't have any more and how everything's changed in that eight years. It's more a bittersweet than bitter feeling though.

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Yeah; that. For some reason, nostalgia always brings depression with it.

[imaginaryimages.livejournal.com]

There is a term for being affected by the weather that way, Seasonal Affective Disorder. I've read a little bit about it recently. I think if it's real, I have it. I used to live in Western NY, Buffalo to be exact. The last winter I lived there I could barely take it. I finally said, enough is enough and now live near D.C. To go 89 days with no sun, or two-three weeks straight with sub zero weather, VERY depressing so I completely understand. After OH, SIX months, winter needs to friggin go away. I still get that way a little here, when it's been dreary, wet, cold and gray too long, but it's better now than when I used to live up north. I still notice it when the weather takes a severe turn in either direction though. Hang in there, the sun WILL eventually come out.

[rivulet027.livejournal.com]

It's for real, I know I man who suffers from it. He has a special light he uses in the winter months.

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

SAD is actually headed in some very interesting research directions. We studied it in one of my psych classes, and every field of psychology has come to support the idea that seasons effect mood. It's actually a biological and chemical interaction within the brain. There, look at that - born to be a psychologist *rolls eyes*.

Anyway, I do know what you're talking about:)

And, thanks. *hugs*

[rivulet027.livejournal.com]

If it helps, it snowed here today too. Is wacky cause it was low eighties earlier in the week. Spring will be here soon. Sorry you're feeling so down. Totally understand where you're coming from on on the orginal piece thing. What part of QaF? It's your right to be bitter.

*hug*

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

It's when Justin gets involved with the radical movement and almost gets himself killed and/or jailed.

[reddwarf75.livejournal.com]

Hope u'll feel better soonish...want a hug??
Marie

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Thanks hun - *hugs ya*