Ugh.

[synapticjava]

Back in the bad place. Tonight, went out to dinner with the 'rents and the brat. We went to Applebees, and we sit down, and as I'm taking off my coat, I look at the table next to ours, and sitting right there, looking directly at me, is Carlos. My ex from a long, long time ago. An ex who hurt me pretty bad. Granted, I understand that this is the Quad Cities, and there's only so many places to go out to eat on a Sunday night, but jeeze. At first I wasn't completely sure it was him, but I looked again a bit later, and he was still staring directly at me, while talking to the two friends he was with. And me, being the ass that I am, pretended like I had no idea it was him. No acknowledgement, no eyecontact, no smile, not even a nod. He left before we did, and I saw him get up. He stood there for a few seconds, and I could see out the corner of my eye that he was looking at me, like he was waiting for me to say something.

See, this is why the QC's are bad for me. All my exes live here, save for one who is in Florida. I don't know what he expected, he could tell I was with my family. Granted, I should have at least said hello, but I was all panicky and boom-booming inside and I just found it easier to pretend I wasn't me and he wasn't him. God I'm such a bastard. But, on the other hand, this perfectly summarizes our entire relationship - It's been at least three years, maybe four, since we broke up, and he still makes me feel like everything's my fault.

I feel like such shit right now, I want to crawl into a hole and die.

Comments

[blinding-sight.livejournal.com]

Oh, you poor thing. You made my heart hurt. I would pet you and give you hugs if you were closer.

Feel better, babe. :\

Kisses,
Mandie

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks. *hugs*

Actually, I *am* feeling better today:D

[nimmy.livejournal.com]

I was gonna say just what Mandie said. You poor baby, that must have been sooo (!) horrible for you. I think you need to read some happy smut to get you out of this rut! So go do it (in my most motherly voice).

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Thanks:D Actually I did the opposite, I read kyriene's Quietly Into The Night. Made me feel better ;)

Thanks, hon!

[fishbutt.livejournal.com]

Are you from the Quad Cities? My fiance is from East Moline.

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

I surely am. Was born in Silvis, lived in Rock Island a couple years, but grew up out here in Coal Valley. *cringe* Smart move on your fiance's (wait, husband?) part to move away. Far. far. away.

Oh! Did you get your icon? I posted it!

[fishbutt.livejournal.com]

Sorry, you're right. Husband. OOPS! He was born in Silvis as well. Used to hang out in Rock Island.

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

Weeeeeeeird. Small world, eh?

[fishbutt.livejournal.com]

YES! Thank you!