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Man, I've become addicted to Hard Candy the past couple of days. It's really wierd. I bought the album when it first came out, after their tour. At first I liked, but not any more than anything else I own. But now I've got it on constant repeat. Well, the slower songs anyway. Carraige, Black and Blue, Holiday in Spain. Right now those songs are my air. They're just such reflection of things I'm dealing with right now. Not bad, just kind of a mellow time. I honestly feel like I'm rejuvinating and reinventing myself. This weekend has been really good for me. No one around, Grace in Canada. I've been almost completely and utterly alone with my thoughts and feelings. I think I know myself even just a little bit better. And as we all know, Brad needs a soundtrack to his life. So right now it's Counting Crows. Maybe I'll do that sometime, compile a list of songs that are my soundtrack. That's how I plan to write my book.
Anyway, in an odd but not unpleasent place right now. I got my music, I got my cigarettes, and I got myself. What more can a boy need? Well aside from a few other things. I don't know what's going on with Brandon. He hasn't called me for like a week, doesn't IM me. I've called him once but got his voicemail. I don't know. I'm kind of dissapointed, but like I said before, there's no reason getting your hopes up becasue boys suck and you'll get let down every time. Ah well. I think I'm going to hold off on even thinking about romanticism for a while. While I really really want it and think that it would do me a world of good right now, I definetely get that you can't rush these things. They'll happen naturally. I'm a good person. I'm kind and caring. And funny and charming. Someone will come along that appreciates me for who I am, not what I am or what I can do for them. I have to hold on to that. It just gets kind of old seeing the spring couples (you know the ones I'm talking about-spring fever) walking around and being all googly eyed at their s.o.s. Sometimes it makes me lonely but usually, especially lately, it just makes me so tremendously happy that people are feeling that, and it makes me smile and laugh and be happy for them.
You know, it's funny. For the longest time, I watched everyone else around me change and transform and grow into themselves and I always wondered why it wasn't happeneing to me yet. I think now I know. I had things I had to finish before that could happen to me. I had to experience more in order to fully accept it and embrace it. I'm ready now. God I love this!
Anyway, in an odd but not unpleasent place right now. I got my music, I got my cigarettes, and I got myself. What more can a boy need? Well aside from a few other things. I don't know what's going on with Brandon. He hasn't called me for like a week, doesn't IM me. I've called him once but got his voicemail. I don't know. I'm kind of dissapointed, but like I said before, there's no reason getting your hopes up becasue boys suck and you'll get let down every time. Ah well. I think I'm going to hold off on even thinking about romanticism for a while. While I really really want it and think that it would do me a world of good right now, I definetely get that you can't rush these things. They'll happen naturally. I'm a good person. I'm kind and caring. And funny and charming. Someone will come along that appreciates me for who I am, not what I am or what I can do for them. I have to hold on to that. It just gets kind of old seeing the spring couples (you know the ones I'm talking about-spring fever) walking around and being all googly eyed at their s.o.s. Sometimes it makes me lonely but usually, especially lately, it just makes me so tremendously happy that people are feeling that, and it makes me smile and laugh and be happy for them.
You know, it's funny. For the longest time, I watched everyone else around me change and transform and grow into themselves and I always wondered why it wasn't happeneing to me yet. I think now I know. I had things I had to finish before that could happen to me. I had to experience more in order to fully accept it and embrace it. I'm ready now. God I love this!
