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Wow am I in a creative mood tonight. I have this urge to write and draw and edit images and all kinds of wierd stuff. I just have so many things going through my head. Oh, for those that are interested (and I know you're just on the edge of your seat), Brandon didn't come over tonight because he has a test tomorrow morning he forgot about. Maybe this weekend or something. *shrugs* Probly best because I'm not in such a hot mood (nah, not like depressing wah wah wah I want to die kind of mood). It's just that lately I've been questioning the reality and meaning of friendship, or relationships in general. They're so trivial. Why do we put ourselves through them? I don't know, as you probly know if you read, I'm trying to move my life to a better more positive place, and to do that I'm trying to weed out all of the things that I don't need or things that are holding me back. And I'm finding out there are a lot of things in my life that are just dead weight. A lot of people too.
It's really wierd. Like, just an example, I know that Grace loves me and that she is my friend. Sometimes I feel as if she's the only person in the world that I can trust and who knows the real me. But sometimes I feel that she is very critical. No, not critical because Grace isn't really that judgemental a person. But I feel as if she holds expectations of me that are difficult to meet. And, in examing my life, I find that all my relationships are somehow true in this. It sometimes feels as if everyone in my life is trying to get something or take something from me. And I don't like that feeling. I don't feel as if most of my friends even care about my thoughts and feelings. That really hurts.
I'm going to gamble with the off chance that she will not see this, but whether or not, I need to talk about ( this. )
See, it's things like this that keep pulling me down. I need to be able to grow on my own without worrying about what people think. I need to have room to expand myself and be the person that I am and who I want to be. I need to become myself without feeling as if I am dissapointing someone or making a mistake. I need my freedom from feelings of entrapment. And I don't know how to get that.
It's really wierd. Like, just an example, I know that Grace loves me and that she is my friend. Sometimes I feel as if she's the only person in the world that I can trust and who knows the real me. But sometimes I feel that she is very critical. No, not critical because Grace isn't really that judgemental a person. But I feel as if she holds expectations of me that are difficult to meet. And, in examing my life, I find that all my relationships are somehow true in this. It sometimes feels as if everyone in my life is trying to get something or take something from me. And I don't like that feeling. I don't feel as if most of my friends even care about my thoughts and feelings. That really hurts.
I'm going to gamble with the off chance that she will not see this, but whether or not, I need to talk about ( this. )
See, it's things like this that keep pulling me down. I need to be able to grow on my own without worrying about what people think. I need to have room to expand myself and be the person that I am and who I want to be. I need to become myself without feeling as if I am dissapointing someone or making a mistake. I need my freedom from feelings of entrapment. And I don't know how to get that.
I knicked this from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
saowin. I've seen it before and I find it really interesting, so I thought I would post it.
Do not look behind the cut until you have completed this because it will ruin it.
(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference: Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig.
(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following: Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.
(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, that you can relate them to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color: Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of the week.
( Look at the interpretations below: )
saowin. I've seen it before and I find it really interesting, so I thought I would post it.Do not look behind the cut until you have completed this because it will ruin it.
(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference: Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig.
(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following: Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.
(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, that you can relate them to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color: Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of the week.
( Look at the interpretations below: )
.