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synapticjava Sep. 10th, 2004 12:07 am)
synapticjava Sep. 10th, 2004 12:07 am)Bah. Yup. In a big old fat ugly mood.
Feeling ugly and poor and alone and sad.
Grrr. Well, I suppose it's been a while. And I've been pretty happy the last week or so. Everything is just hitting me at once - I hate that! Ah, old baggage dies hard. *le sigh* But I'm trying! So that's something, eh? You can't just drop everything. Maybe it's just my apprehension about the coming year. Because, seriously, I'm really actually on my own for the very first time. Grace and Vive aren't here. Hell, none of my friends are. And LPC didn't help much today either. I love the atmosphere down there, a lot of people just wanting to suck up the knowledge, and for the first time in my life I felt *dumb*. It was a lot different from my usual "i'm deaf and didn't catch that so I'm just going to look at you like i'm stupid and don't know anything so you explain it and i catch what you mean". I got used to that a *long* time ago. Maybe once I get used to such a huge change I'll start going with the flow, but right now I'm scared I'm not going to be good enough. Doubtful everything I want will be achieved. But, I got this far so that's something, right? Don't know. Like I said - big fat ugly old mood.
Feeling ugly and poor and alone and sad.
Grrr. Well, I suppose it's been a while. And I've been pretty happy the last week or so. Everything is just hitting me at once - I hate that! Ah, old baggage dies hard. *le sigh* But I'm trying! So that's something, eh? You can't just drop everything. Maybe it's just my apprehension about the coming year. Because, seriously, I'm really actually on my own for the very first time. Grace and Vive aren't here. Hell, none of my friends are. And LPC didn't help much today either. I love the atmosphere down there, a lot of people just wanting to suck up the knowledge, and for the first time in my life I felt *dumb*. It was a lot different from my usual "i'm deaf and didn't catch that so I'm just going to look at you like i'm stupid and don't know anything so you explain it and i catch what you mean". I got used to that a *long* time ago. Maybe once I get used to such a huge change I'll start going with the flow, but right now I'm scared I'm not going to be good enough. Doubtful everything I want will be achieved. But, I got this far so that's something, right? Don't know. Like I said - big fat ugly old mood.
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& Cheer up. Believe me there are times when I get in that mood but you'll be ok Brad. *hug*
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