Set this cruise-control for crash...

[synapticjava]

Getting ready for bed, after a nice long hot shower. Got all moved in, and am still in the (seemingly) never-ending task of unpacking. So far I've got every room set up how I like it, I just need to find places for everything, etc. Tom's pretty good at that, maybe I'll leave some for him to do. He brought down a bunch of stuff from his dorm room. Clothes, slippers, some games and whatnot. Every day with him it feels more and more real. I finally told him last night how terrified I am that his parents will find out (about his sexuality, about me) and force him to choose between me or them. It was a pretty hearty - not to mention healthy - conversation. I just wish there were words to describe how he makes me feel...how much better everything seems when he smiles at me, kisses me. How connected I feel when he holds my hand with his so that our rings click against each other. I'm having those abdominal pains again, so this weekend I wasn't able to be very physical with him, and instead of being dissapointed or mad or frustrated...he asked if there was anything he could do - told me that he's calling the doctor FOR me if I don't call one myself because "your health is the most important thing to me." Is this the way it's supposed to be? The way this should feel? I keep asking myself, and though I don't know the answer, I do know that I love this, love him, love us and how and who we are together. There are so many new things in my life. I'm not afraid of that anymore. I wasn't the least bit nervous or anxious moving into this apartment. I don't have the slightest doubt about this relationship. It's been quite a while now, and I still feel this overwhelming feeling of hapiness and rightness. I can't explain it any better than that.