Anger

[synapticjava]

Extreme, violent, combustive anger.  That's where I'm at right now.  So angry that I really just want to punch him in the face.  Angry enough that I want to take my car for a spin at 120mph down the county highway until I cream myself against a cow or blow a tire and flip.

I'm angry that now I know he talked about this to Troy. 

I'm angry because I feel used and betrayed.  Whether he meant to or not, or even knew he was doing it, he used me to get over him.

I'm angry because I see he's already changed his status to "single" on everything.

I'm angry because he doesn't feel as miserable and as hurt and as lost as I do.

More than anything I'm angry at myself.  I allowed this to happen.  I allowed myself to be blinded, allowed myself to trust someone so completely, let them in.  I'm angry at myself because now I am alone and everything is messed up again and I can't fix it.  I don't know how to fix this.  I'm angry because I allowed myself to become this.

Comments

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

This is the better thing about me being able to vent, via LJ particularily - it keeps me from actually acting on impulses like that. Don't worry. I'll be good:)

[caviling]

Ain't that the truth. I often worry people think I'm even crankier and more destructive than I really am. All hail LJ and it's magical cathartic properties.