Anger

[synapticjava]

Extreme, violent, combustive anger.  That's where I'm at right now.  So angry that I really just want to punch him in the face.  Angry enough that I want to take my car for a spin at 120mph down the county highway until I cream myself against a cow or blow a tire and flip.

I'm angry that now I know he talked about this to Troy. 

I'm angry because I feel used and betrayed.  Whether he meant to or not, or even knew he was doing it, he used me to get over him.

I'm angry because I see he's already changed his status to "single" on everything.

I'm angry because he doesn't feel as miserable and as hurt and as lost as I do.

More than anything I'm angry at myself.  I allowed this to happen.  I allowed myself to be blinded, allowed myself to trust someone so completely, let them in.  I'm angry at myself because now I am alone and everything is messed up again and I can't fix it.  I don't know how to fix this.  I'm angry because I allowed myself to become this.

Comments

[caviling]

While you have every right in the world to be angry at him (especially for using you to get over someone named "Troy") please don't be angry at yourself for trusting someone completely. Don't drive at 120 mph either. Other than that you have my clearance for anything and everything that will help you get over it, as long as it doesn't get you arrested.

[chocgood84.livejournal.com]

This is the better thing about me being able to vent, via LJ particularily - it keeps me from actually acting on impulses like that. Don't worry. I'll be good:)

[caviling]

Ain't that the truth. I often worry people think I'm even crankier and more destructive than I really am. All hail LJ and it's magical cathartic properties.

[(Anonymous)]

Although remaining 'Friends' after a break-up is an honorable goal you may need to think about removing yourself from this situation. It may be though but it probably would be better to do so now before your anger becomes unmanageable or before he moves on as he apparently is intending.