I've tarnished all our memories but there'll always be a trace of you...

Well, I sure did it. Against my (and countless others') better judgement, I decided to suck it up and go to Justin & Cari's for dinner tonight afterall. I thought, in the end, it would be good for me and a right step in the getting-back-to-me zone. ( I was wrong. )

I wound up buying another pack of cigarettes on the way home and I've smoked about half of it, one after the other. I just flushed what was left. Today didn't go so well, but tomorrow's another day.

All the races you lost, all the love lists that cost you the heart on your sleeve ...

Crisis is seemingly adverted for now. Today is a new day, and it's shaping up to be a good one so far. Training this morning went well, and the nurse (this was medical training) teaching the course said I did better than most at their first class. And this is the nurse I've always suspected hated me. Turns out she's just a little rough around the edges. Anyway I was pretty happy with that.

Then on the way home I stopped off and picked up some stuff to change the apartment a little. Some new shelves and pillows for the living room, a cabinet for the bathroom, and mucho cleaning supplies because here in a bit I'm going on a scrubbing spree. Taking down some of the stupid reminders and making it mine all over again seems to help. And cleaning always makes me feel better.

So I've managed to bring it back a little and after practicing some meditation excersises I researched this morning before training, I'm feeling a lot calmer. My problem, it seems, is that I still let things sneak up and then overwhelm me. For all of you not-crazy people out there - how do you do that?