So the past week has been a fairly eclectic one. I started my new job at Avis, which I already really like. The shifts are long, and the work is pretty intense. But already, I like the people I work with. My boss, Pati, is a loveable oddball who's been with the company over 30 years. My coworkers are a sarcastic bunch and I seem to fit in pretty well with them. And the employees all seem to have built-in respect for authority so that even though I'm the rookie manager, immediately after teaching me something new they look to me to direct them. It's a very unusual place to work because almost everyone seems very happy with their job. What's more is that I've heard a hundred times over the past week how excited people are to meet me and have me on board, and for the first time the employees are talking to each other about my strengths and the things they like about me, not the negatives. Over all, I'm really confidant about this job.
But with every up there's a down. This past week, my mom attempted suicide for the third time in under a year and was committed, again. This time, though, they released her with the seal of insanity stamped on her medical files. So now she is officially, certafiably insane. When I spoke to her on the phone she just kept singing the "sometimes I feel like a nut" jingle, rattling on about how she can't decide which kind of nut she wants to be and that now she can not only ride but drive the special bus. Though I'm sure she was trying to be funny, it was a pretty uncomfortable conversation and I kept looking for the escape hatch. I'm not entirely sure how this effects me, mostly because it just means that my suspicions over the past few years have only proven to be true. It does, however, entirely make me question my commitment to my family. Never before have I had to such an extent this overwhelming urge to just cut all ties. In all seriousness, I don't want to know what's going on there. I don't want the phone calls, I don't want the knowledge, I don't want to keep being pulled in. I'm certainly postponing the visit I was planning, indefinetely. And if I have my way, Tom will never meet them. Though I doubt it would change things between him and I, I don't want his life to be effected by my family, which left unchecked, is inevitable.
Honestly, I'm in a pretty good state of mind and feel calmer and clearer than I have in months. I think I'll spend the weekend getting caught up with friends I haven't spoken to for a while and relaxing.
But with every up there's a down. This past week, my mom attempted suicide for the third time in under a year and was committed, again. This time, though, they released her with the seal of insanity stamped on her medical files. So now she is officially, certafiably insane. When I spoke to her on the phone she just kept singing the "sometimes I feel like a nut" jingle, rattling on about how she can't decide which kind of nut she wants to be and that now she can not only ride but drive the special bus. Though I'm sure she was trying to be funny, it was a pretty uncomfortable conversation and I kept looking for the escape hatch. I'm not entirely sure how this effects me, mostly because it just means that my suspicions over the past few years have only proven to be true. It does, however, entirely make me question my commitment to my family. Never before have I had to such an extent this overwhelming urge to just cut all ties. In all seriousness, I don't want to know what's going on there. I don't want the phone calls, I don't want the knowledge, I don't want to keep being pulled in. I'm certainly postponing the visit I was planning, indefinetely. And if I have my way, Tom will never meet them. Though I doubt it would change things between him and I, I don't want his life to be effected by my family, which left unchecked, is inevitable.
Honestly, I'm in a pretty good state of mind and feel calmer and clearer than I have in months. I think I'll spend the weekend getting caught up with friends I haven't spoken to for a while and relaxing.