As promised and expected, it's a little better than yesterday. I still can't stand the taste of any food, and quite frankly, it makes my stomach hurl anytime I eat so I've pretty much been eating only when I know I should be. Cigarettes and Pepsi are pretty much my main source of nutrition right now, which don't glare at me - I'm nothing if not consistent.
Shelly and Evan (the neighbor and her son) came by yesterday to check on me, which was nice, but I'm not completely in the "i'm ready to see friends" kind of place yet. I'm more in the "stay at home in my old comfy ratty clothes and lay on the couch watching Roseanne and Reba reruns in the dark" kind of place. Luckily we have the Oxygen channel (how gay) and there's a marathon on every morning and night.
Today my mind is in two places. One place is the "could I have done anything different to change this?" place, which of course is foolish and I know the answer. The truth is that the was the first relationship I've ever had in which I didn't feel the need to be anything or anyone other than myself. (never mind that also at the back of this space someone is saying: that's exactly why it didn't work - I keep kicking them to shut 'em up).
The other place is more of a "what next?" place. We're still friends, and we're still roommates, but I don't really know where to go with this, this is new territory for me. You can ask anyone: I just don't become friends with exes, and I've never lived with anyone before now, so the only roommate experience I have is with my (now)ex boyfriend. I'm just wondering how this is all going to work. We said about 10 words to each other yesterday, which didn't seem too weird - but it still felt different, kinda wrong somehow.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm feeling at least a little lost right now. But I know I'll find myself again, and be even better than before. At least my life has taught me to bounce back fast.
Somewhere in here there is a sitcom just waiting to be written. Unfortunately it would only be seen on that crappy gay channel.
Shelly and Evan (the neighbor and her son) came by yesterday to check on me, which was nice, but I'm not completely in the "i'm ready to see friends" kind of place yet. I'm more in the "stay at home in my old comfy ratty clothes and lay on the couch watching Roseanne and Reba reruns in the dark" kind of place. Luckily we have the Oxygen channel (how gay) and there's a marathon on every morning and night.
Today my mind is in two places. One place is the "could I have done anything different to change this?" place, which of course is foolish and I know the answer. The truth is that the was the first relationship I've ever had in which I didn't feel the need to be anything or anyone other than myself. (never mind that also at the back of this space someone is saying: that's exactly why it didn't work - I keep kicking them to shut 'em up).
The other place is more of a "what next?" place. We're still friends, and we're still roommates, but I don't really know where to go with this, this is new territory for me. You can ask anyone: I just don't become friends with exes, and I've never lived with anyone before now, so the only roommate experience I have is with my (now)ex boyfriend. I'm just wondering how this is all going to work. We said about 10 words to each other yesterday, which didn't seem too weird - but it still felt different, kinda wrong somehow.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm feeling at least a little lost right now. But I know I'll find myself again, and be even better than before. At least my life has taught me to bounce back fast.
Somewhere in here there is a sitcom just waiting to be written. Unfortunately it would only be seen on that crappy gay channel.