I want you to want me.

Wow...totally a blast from the past, this song. First song I ever danced with a boyfriend to. First song me and my first real boyfriend danced to. God, that was four years ago. Crap.

Going through my CDs, and I'm again reminded how important to me music is. I just love it. Even lately, I've started liking a few rap/r&b/hiphop whatnot. Always hated it, but for some reason, lately there's a few songs I like.

I'm amazed all over again at what exactly music does to me. It's so awesome, being caught up in a song. And even if I'm completely tone deaf now and can't sing worth poo anymore, I love the feeling of letting yourself go and singing along at the top of your lungs. That freedom that just resounds through every fiber, filling and changing and twisting you. I just love it.

Anyway, after a not-pleasent porcelien prayer and a skin-peelingly hot shower with scented oils and candles burning, I'm feeling back at about 99.5%. So yay for that.

I was going to post something. I had a reason, but I can't remember what it is. Although, I would like to point out that I have a great list of talented lj friends. From the fic writers through just the people that for some reason enjoy reading my rants and rambles, they're all there. It's wierd to me to have so many people watching and reading and being interested in my life. It's a great feeling, but even after all this time, it strikes me as...unknown.

I've decided it's time to make some changes. Er, more changes. I need to...open up more, loosen up. Need to learn how to let people in. I'm at that place again where I feel like something huge is coming, and I want to be ready for it. Whether it's good or bad, I just know it's coming.

Hmph. Maybe the xmas spirit has paid a visit, no? Just been reinfused with positive energy. Nice stuff, they should bottle it.

Huh...

Just went thorugh the two bags and large box I brought home from school, full of papers.

Turns out it's all old writing. Poetry, plays, short stories, long fiction. I even found the remnants of the two novels I started writing. One had a little over 100 pages written, the other one had about 40. Gay romance novels, naturally. To think, I started those in High School. Wierd to me, somehow. Back then I thought one day I'd be this big famous author. I'd write screenplays for oscar-winning movies, my novels and autobiography would be on the best-sellers charts for months, and I'd win awards for my poetry.

So at the moment, I'm not sure what to do. I don't really need the stuff, so it's kind of stupid to keep it. But at the same time, I have a hankering to go through and completely facelift everything, edit it and try and finish the two novels. But also, don't really know if I should even bother.

Just wierd the things I hold on to, and the things I remember when I go through old stuff.

Pretteh

Instead of writing tonight, I opted to make some prettehs. One of which is a wallpaper, which I myself am pertty proud of because it's teh pretteh. *nods*. Just let me know if you take:)

( Preview and link to it behind the cut. )

And aslo a few non sequiters.

1) Funniest thing I've seen all vacation - walking into Oak Glenn (it's county owned, so it's not the best home in the world), walking through the main lobby and seeing about thirty 80+yo women in wheel chairs watching Smallville.

2) NOT COOL to have pop-ups in which cockroaches run around it. NOT COOL AT ALL. Now I'm gonna be itchy and paranoid all night long.

3) People are a. crazy, and b. stupid. Yup, that's right, had to make a trip to the mall tonight *cringe*.

4) Less than two weeks till I go back to school. *bounce bounce*

5) There may possibly sort of just *might* me a WIP underway. Maybe. *whistles innocently*

6) Someone take away my CDs please. I've been listening to N'Sync for oh, about two hours now.

7) Poo!