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Okay, so my Thanksgiving (a few days left). It went well. I actually liked being home. It's never felt more like a family. It was truly odd. I can't explain it, it felt like that was like it was supposed to be. Ever had one of those moments? When you're overpowered by a sense of rightness? That's what it was. I was so confused. I don't think I've ever been so happy with just being with my family. We didn't argue, we just...it was so strange. It kind of makes me miss them. Hmm, what do you know? Even Mark's family was nice to me. They all told me that they loved me and hope I'm doing well in school. They all hugged me and generally talked to me. It's never happened before. Sally and Grandma said they were proud of me. I can't convey what it felt, what it meant to me. Anyway, long story short, it was the best visit and thanksgiving I've ever had. It was...nice. Never wanna see another turkey as long as I live though. Bleck.
While I was there I stopped by Burger King to chat up some old friends of mine who worked there when I was there. Literally no one is there anymore that was there when I was. I found out that the day I after I left they either promoted, moved, or fired everyone that was there and brought in a whole new crew. I don't know why, but it was upsetting and yet finalizing for me. I don't have that to fall back on anymore. Oddly disturbing. Who knew. But, its kind of gratifying for some reason. Go figure.
I've been in a pretty good mood lately, well, until tonight. I really want to write, but I can't think of a way to put how I'm feeling down into words. I wanna expand the paper I wrote for Bradshaw and turn it into an auto-biographical thing. But now that I don't have to write it, I can't seem to put my thoughts down. Anyway, old moods settling in. Winter. Holidays. Alone. No Chris. It's really crappy feeling like this. I feel like I should be over it now, but I can't seem to be. I'm not looking to be with anyone really. I miss having someone there. I miss being held. I miss having someone listen to me no matter what I say and not judging me. I miss being able to just cry and cry and cry in front of someone, but being too stuborn to actually do it. In all respects, I just want to be done with it. Not forget him, but move on. I don't know how to though, so I feel cheated. I'm in one of those moods that it seems like *everyone* has someone except me, everyone knows how that is. It comes and it goes. I think I just want to be completely alone sometimes, then other times I hate it. So I've been listening to a lot of Tori and Cher and yes...country. Reading this damn fic isn't helping me any either. Than again, neither are Tori, Cher and various country people. But still, you know what I mean. I'm just kinda going through the motions lately. It needs to be next quarter now. Barat's quiet, which is nice. It's a little too quiet though. LOL. Hmm, maybe I am a people person...just not stupid people. Oh, I'm going to post a sort-of prose typeish thing I wrote a long time ago, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
While I was there I stopped by Burger King to chat up some old friends of mine who worked there when I was there. Literally no one is there anymore that was there when I was. I found out that the day I after I left they either promoted, moved, or fired everyone that was there and brought in a whole new crew. I don't know why, but it was upsetting and yet finalizing for me. I don't have that to fall back on anymore. Oddly disturbing. Who knew. But, its kind of gratifying for some reason. Go figure.
I've been in a pretty good mood lately, well, until tonight. I really want to write, but I can't think of a way to put how I'm feeling down into words. I wanna expand the paper I wrote for Bradshaw and turn it into an auto-biographical thing. But now that I don't have to write it, I can't seem to put my thoughts down. Anyway, old moods settling in. Winter. Holidays. Alone. No Chris. It's really crappy feeling like this. I feel like I should be over it now, but I can't seem to be. I'm not looking to be with anyone really. I miss having someone there. I miss being held. I miss having someone listen to me no matter what I say and not judging me. I miss being able to just cry and cry and cry in front of someone, but being too stuborn to actually do it. In all respects, I just want to be done with it. Not forget him, but move on. I don't know how to though, so I feel cheated. I'm in one of those moods that it seems like *everyone* has someone except me, everyone knows how that is. It comes and it goes. I think I just want to be completely alone sometimes, then other times I hate it. So I've been listening to a lot of Tori and Cher and yes...country. Reading this damn fic isn't helping me any either. Than again, neither are Tori, Cher and various country people. But still, you know what I mean. I'm just kinda going through the motions lately. It needs to be next quarter now. Barat's quiet, which is nice. It's a little too quiet though. LOL. Hmm, maybe I am a people person...just not stupid people. Oh, I'm going to post a sort-of prose typeish thing I wrote a long time ago, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
