Okay okay, so
bloodroses27 pointed out in the past week or so several things that supposedly I never did before me and Chris. But now I'm doing and saying stuff that Chris did. I really just want to be done with it. I want to be over him, and move on. Not that I want to hop into a relationship or anything. I really want to have him back, but at the same time I don't. But honestly, I'm not feeling anything about the whole thing. Maybe I'm not letting myself feel anything; hence the busyness? I don't know. All I know is that I do miss Chris. I miss waking up to him thrashing in his sleep. I miss being able to talk to him. I miss being able to hold him and touch him, and yes...I do miss making love to him. A lot. We had such a connection to each other. I've never felt that close to anyone in my life. I feel kind of empty, or rather, not whole. Here comes the cliche, folks. I feel like a part of me is missing. I suppose it doesn't really help either that half the people I talk to ask me how he's doing and I have to explain that we don't ever talk to each other, and that we broke up. And the other half of the people I talk to are all cautious about what they say, like I'm glass or something. I feel kind of like I'm caught in a whirlpool and am being sucked down. I wish there was something we could do, some way we could be together. But at the same time, I want to experience things for myself. I need to. I need to be just me for a while. Otherwise I'll never know myself. Kind of a sucky place to be. So anyway, yeah, I miss him still. 20 days until what would have been our year anniversary:(
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