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Hmm...I don't know what my problem is today. I feel really out of it, and like I'm lost or something. I'm very scared about the future. I'm very unhappy with the past. And I'm dissapointed with the present. I just don't feel like I'm on the right path. But I don't know how to get to where I'm supposed to be. Maybe it's just this damn birthday. It shouldn't be a big deal. It's just another day. It's not even that it's a big birthday either. It's just 20. But why do I feel like everything is changing? Why do I feel like I'm losing something? Why do I feel like I'm not myself anymore?
I wish these dreams would stop. For the past couple of weeks, I've been woken up every night by either nightmares or really wierd dreams that freak me out. And I've been waking up in the morning more tired than I was when I went to bed, and the bed's all messed up and I'm in an entirely different position. I just want them to stop. There's a couple that I've had every night, and they scares the hell out of me, though I know they shouldn't.
All I can ever remember, is for some reason I'm parking my car in this little ally drive way, and waiting in the car. I know I'm waiting for someone. From where I am, I have a view of the back of a house, and through a window a bathroom or kitchen or something. I happen to look through the window, and notice a really gross nasty looking guy with long stringy nappy blonde hair and a dirty face. In his hand is a rather large bag of white powder. I know I shouldn't look, it's none of my business. But I keep looking while he takes some out and puts it on his hand and snorts it. I'm so disgusted, I have to look away. For whatever reason, I look up and he catches my eye and I know he knows that I know what's going on. I quickly look away and pretend I didn't see anything, but I grab my cell phone and dial 911. Just as the opperator picks up, I hear a sound outside my car. So I look up, and the guy is standing right outside my car, on the driver's side. I drop my cell phone on the floor, and go to start the car and get out of there fast, when I notice he has a gun in his hand. Before I can do anything, he fires. I see the bullet, in slow motion, fire out of the chamber before I actually hear it. I see it penetrate the glass, followed by the sound of the glass shattering. I hear the 911 person shouting from the phone wanting to know what's going on. Then everything goes black, and I wake up.
The other one is I'm a little kid again, and it's summer time and I'm back at Camp Abe Lincoln, the summer camp I went to when I was younger. One year, we had this deaf mentally challenged kid there, I think his name was Stew or something like that. But one night, after a bunch of the guys were teasing him, he ran away after lights out. They had all of us out looking for him in the woods and on the trails and all over. That's where the dream picks up. Somehow, I get seperated from the other guys, but I have a flashlight. Now, there's this cabin way back in the woods that was supposedly haunted, and no one ever went near it. But there was a trail that led to the lake, and it went by this cabin. As I was walking by it, I heard a bunch of noise coming from the cabin, and I heard someone scream that sounds like Stew. So, I ran to the cabin and I go inside, and it's really brightly lit by a fire in the firepit in the middle. But when I get inside, the door slams shut, and I turn around, and there's this guy. Looks like he was in his early 30's. In one hand, he has a really big knife, and in his other, he is dragging Stew's body behind him. He tosses the body into the fire, and before I can react to anything, he shoves the knife into my stomache. It doesn't kill me, but I remember that it hurt so bad, I couldn't feel anything but the blade. I don't remember this part, but somehow I get away and I start running back to camp, only to find that it's deserted, so I'm running all over trying to find help. I don't think the guy is following me, but my stomache is bleeding really bad and it really really hurts. I finally get to the main lodge and find everyone sitting in the dining hall around their tables. But they're all dead. And then I look around, and it's daylight again, and everything's normal, no dead people. So I leave the dining hall to find someone and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror - it's me grown up, like I am now. I don't take time to notice how wierd that is. I go outside, and suddenly I'm at the lake. I turn around, and nothing's there, no lodge or dining hall or anything. Just the lake and the woods, and it's dark again. I get a little spooked, but I don't know why because I've forgotten everything that happened. So I start heading back to camp, through the woods with no flashlight, but I can see because of the moon. Way too sooner than it should have happened, I'm passing the haunted cabin again and I see light come through the shutters on the windows, and I notice that the door is open. I get curious, and decide to see what is going on. So I go into the cabin. Once again, the door slams shut and I turn around and the guy from the other dream is there. In one hand he has a knife, and in the other one is the body of the guy before. Before my eyes, the dead guy turns into a beating heart. I look down and there is a hole in my chest. I don't feel anything, but I know that the heart is mine. I look up, and the guy just smiles and laughs and his eyes turn fire red. I can't feel anything, and the room spins, and I'm back at the beginning with the original guy right after he threw Stew into the fire. I notice that he has my heart in the same hand. He plunges the knife, but this time into my throat. I should be dead but I'm not. He draws the knife out of my throat and throws my heart into the fire. Then everything goes black, and I wake up.
So yeah, bad bad dreams. There's others, but those are two that I have every night. I just wish they would stop. I feel like such a child when I wake up and have the urge just to bawl. I really hope they'll stop soon.
Life is funny, isn't it?
I wish these dreams would stop. For the past couple of weeks, I've been woken up every night by either nightmares or really wierd dreams that freak me out. And I've been waking up in the morning more tired than I was when I went to bed, and the bed's all messed up and I'm in an entirely different position. I just want them to stop. There's a couple that I've had every night, and they scares the hell out of me, though I know they shouldn't.
All I can ever remember, is for some reason I'm parking my car in this little ally drive way, and waiting in the car. I know I'm waiting for someone. From where I am, I have a view of the back of a house, and through a window a bathroom or kitchen or something. I happen to look through the window, and notice a really gross nasty looking guy with long stringy nappy blonde hair and a dirty face. In his hand is a rather large bag of white powder. I know I shouldn't look, it's none of my business. But I keep looking while he takes some out and puts it on his hand and snorts it. I'm so disgusted, I have to look away. For whatever reason, I look up and he catches my eye and I know he knows that I know what's going on. I quickly look away and pretend I didn't see anything, but I grab my cell phone and dial 911. Just as the opperator picks up, I hear a sound outside my car. So I look up, and the guy is standing right outside my car, on the driver's side. I drop my cell phone on the floor, and go to start the car and get out of there fast, when I notice he has a gun in his hand. Before I can do anything, he fires. I see the bullet, in slow motion, fire out of the chamber before I actually hear it. I see it penetrate the glass, followed by the sound of the glass shattering. I hear the 911 person shouting from the phone wanting to know what's going on. Then everything goes black, and I wake up.
The other one is I'm a little kid again, and it's summer time and I'm back at Camp Abe Lincoln, the summer camp I went to when I was younger. One year, we had this deaf mentally challenged kid there, I think his name was Stew or something like that. But one night, after a bunch of the guys were teasing him, he ran away after lights out. They had all of us out looking for him in the woods and on the trails and all over. That's where the dream picks up. Somehow, I get seperated from the other guys, but I have a flashlight. Now, there's this cabin way back in the woods that was supposedly haunted, and no one ever went near it. But there was a trail that led to the lake, and it went by this cabin. As I was walking by it, I heard a bunch of noise coming from the cabin, and I heard someone scream that sounds like Stew. So, I ran to the cabin and I go inside, and it's really brightly lit by a fire in the firepit in the middle. But when I get inside, the door slams shut, and I turn around, and there's this guy. Looks like he was in his early 30's. In one hand, he has a really big knife, and in his other, he is dragging Stew's body behind him. He tosses the body into the fire, and before I can react to anything, he shoves the knife into my stomache. It doesn't kill me, but I remember that it hurt so bad, I couldn't feel anything but the blade. I don't remember this part, but somehow I get away and I start running back to camp, only to find that it's deserted, so I'm running all over trying to find help. I don't think the guy is following me, but my stomache is bleeding really bad and it really really hurts. I finally get to the main lodge and find everyone sitting in the dining hall around their tables. But they're all dead. And then I look around, and it's daylight again, and everything's normal, no dead people. So I leave the dining hall to find someone and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror - it's me grown up, like I am now. I don't take time to notice how wierd that is. I go outside, and suddenly I'm at the lake. I turn around, and nothing's there, no lodge or dining hall or anything. Just the lake and the woods, and it's dark again. I get a little spooked, but I don't know why because I've forgotten everything that happened. So I start heading back to camp, through the woods with no flashlight, but I can see because of the moon. Way too sooner than it should have happened, I'm passing the haunted cabin again and I see light come through the shutters on the windows, and I notice that the door is open. I get curious, and decide to see what is going on. So I go into the cabin. Once again, the door slams shut and I turn around and the guy from the other dream is there. In one hand he has a knife, and in the other one is the body of the guy before. Before my eyes, the dead guy turns into a beating heart. I look down and there is a hole in my chest. I don't feel anything, but I know that the heart is mine. I look up, and the guy just smiles and laughs and his eyes turn fire red. I can't feel anything, and the room spins, and I'm back at the beginning with the original guy right after he threw Stew into the fire. I notice that he has my heart in the same hand. He plunges the knife, but this time into my throat. I should be dead but I'm not. He draws the knife out of my throat and throws my heart into the fire. Then everything goes black, and I wake up.
So yeah, bad bad dreams. There's others, but those are two that I have every night. I just wish they would stop. I feel like such a child when I wake up and have the urge just to bawl. I really hope they'll stop soon.
Life is funny, isn't it?
