Do you think that the two of you should just...say...take a break? Say - look, you've got stuff on your mind, you can't or don't want to share them right now, let's just not talk or worry about each other for a couple of weeks, pretend we don't *have* any responsibility to the other person... I dunno. On the one hand, i am utterly phobic of people who can't be alone. My SO is like that, and it drives me nuts. I can happily go for *days* and not talk to anyone, even him. Hell, not talk at *all*. If he dropped dead tomorrow, i'd never date again, or remarry. I like being alone.
On the other hand, some people - my SO - hate being alone. They like to chat all the time. My bro-in-law and his wife call each other like ten times a day. I boggle. WTF do they have to say? Nothing changes in an hour. I can't even imagine. But it works for them.
Maybe you guys can find a balance of communication and closeness and need. Maybe you'd hate that and it would suck and 'no way', maybe it would make him want to be closer, maybe nothing would change, i dunno. But just because, like you say up there, 'a partner is for sharing things'....but when my dad died, i didn't want to talk about with my SO. I didn't want to cry in his arms. I wanted to go away by myself until i had it all under control. He felt really bad about not being there the day my dad died, no being in the hospital with us, but...i didn't really want him there. It was easier for me to be just with my family and not have to worry about making him feel better or responding to him, you know?
Not trying to excuse Tom, or say you should just 'suck it up'. Just saying people deal differently, and maybe if you can find a compromise, you can work this all out. Don't give up hope, bay-bee. *hugs*
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Do you think that the two of you should just...say...take a break? Say - look, you've got stuff on your mind, you can't or don't want to share them right now, let's just not talk or worry about each other for a couple of weeks, pretend we don't *have* any responsibility to the other person... I dunno. On the one hand, i am utterly phobic of people who can't be alone. My SO is like that, and it drives me nuts. I can happily go for *days* and not talk to anyone, even him. Hell, not talk at *all*. If he dropped dead tomorrow, i'd never date again, or remarry. I like being alone.
On the other hand, some people - my SO - hate being alone. They like to chat all the time. My bro-in-law and his wife call each other like ten times a day. I boggle. WTF do they have to say? Nothing changes in an hour. I can't even imagine. But it works for them.
Maybe you guys can find a balance of communication and closeness and need. Maybe you'd hate that and it would suck and 'no way', maybe it would make him want to be closer, maybe nothing would change, i dunno. But just because, like you say up there, 'a partner is for sharing things'....but when my dad died, i didn't want to talk about with my SO. I didn't want to cry in his arms. I wanted to go away by myself until i had it all under control. He felt really bad about not being there the day my dad died, no being in the hospital with us, but...i didn't really want him there. It was easier for me to be just with my family and not have to worry about making him feel better or responding to him, you know?
Not trying to excuse Tom, or say you should just 'suck it up'. Just saying people deal differently, and maybe if you can find a compromise, you can work this all out. Don't give up hope, bay-bee.
*hugs*