sigh

[synapticjava]

The same. Bad day at work. Thinking about things I shouldn't be. Wanting a drink so bad I can taste it.

And so, I write.

Poem. Entitled

I hate.
I hate you.
I hate that I think of you
and that when I do
it scorches me
like a torch through tin.
I hate that I cry
because of you,
for you,
wanting you.
I hate these memories
because even the good
make my mind ache
like it’s encased in ice.
I hate that the best moment of my life
belongs to you,
that it only became
because of you.
I hate that you are still the last thing I think of
before I sleep
and the first thing I think of
when I wake.
I hate that the only time I’ve ever truly smiled
was when I was with you,
when I smiled for you,
when you gave me reason.
I hate that I trusted you
when I’ve never known
what trusting really meant,
and did it so completely.
I hate that I showed you myself
that now you know I am no one;
you made me believe
that I am something, someone.
I hate that you are the only one
who can still and always hurt me
even after everyone, everything,
has left me.
I hate that I can’t hate you -
not without loving you,
still.
Gods,
But I hate you.