Man, if you don't shell out for the candy and flowers and diamonds (especially diamonds) your girlfriend is going to be pissed.

One of the many reasons I'm annoyed/amused by Valentines' Day is the implication that men have to shell out money for elaborate presents for their wimmin...but I could get Jason a pink gorilla wearing a "you drive me bananas, valentine!" tee-shirt and maybe a card and I'm good. But if he doesn't realize I'm lying when I say Valentines' Day doesn't matter to me, and come through with a pile of roses and some Belgian chocolates anyway...no sex for him! The whole attitude makes me sick. Anyway.

Poison someone's drink for me tonight, 'kay?