but it needs me...

[synapticjava]

I'm very tempted to watch Charlie Brown's Christmas right now. That movie always cheers me up. I'm not sad or in a bad mood or anything, I just feel kinda blah. It's probly cuz I'm freaking tired. I have absolutely no energy right now. I'm having mixed emotions about going home. I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time I'm dreading it like death. I want to be not-here, but I also want to be not-there. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe mark's family will actually be civil this year, and maybe my grandmother won't ask me if I've met any girls or try to get me to go to church. And maybe, just maybe, I'll enjoy my stay at "home". Maybe... Yeah right. Oh, in other news, Chris left Friday for Florida. Yeah, he's gone. Not really sure how I feel about that, but I think I'm fine. At least now I finally have a sense of finality. Grr...I don't want to do anything.