Hey sweetie, this is me *finally* getting around to being a half-decent friend. Better late than never, right? *cough*
You've done a great job in hooking the reader into this story with this beginning. I'm dying to know what's up with Xander. Is he really seeing Jesse or is he just hallucinating? What long term effects will this have? How is Spike going to react? I'm just full of questions. :D
For the most part your character voices are good, but I think you're relying a little too much on cliche phrases to make them sound like Spike and Xander. I find it a teeny it jarring. All the characters on Buffy have a specific speech pattern - try to follow that and let it flow instead of focusing on specific words that sound like the characters. If that makes sense.
So is this going to be a h/c fic, because I do have a soft spot for them. Especially the comfort. Heh. One wee thing I would change in this part though - I think Spike is too eager to help Xander here. As soon as Xander says his name he rushes to the bedside, and I have trouble seeing that as Spike. I could see him having some concern for the human who keeps a roof over his head, but I think he would need to work upto having such an intense concern for Xander specifically.
I hope you don't mind me giving your some critical feedback hon. I'm really looking forward to the next parts, and I wanted to be helpful. I hope my comments are. :)
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You've done a great job in hooking the reader into this story with this beginning. I'm dying to know what's up with Xander. Is he really seeing Jesse or is he just hallucinating? What long term effects will this have? How is Spike going to react? I'm just full of questions. :D
For the most part your character voices are good, but I think you're relying a little too much on cliche phrases to make them sound like Spike and Xander. I find it a teeny it jarring. All the characters on Buffy have a specific speech pattern - try to follow that and let it flow instead of focusing on specific words that sound like the characters. If that makes sense.
So is this going to be a h/c fic, because I do have a soft spot for them. Especially the comfort. Heh. One wee thing I would change in this part though - I think Spike is too eager to help Xander here. As soon as Xander says his name he rushes to the bedside, and I have trouble seeing that as Spike. I could see him having some concern for the human who keeps a roof over his head, but I think he would need to work upto having such an intense concern for Xander specifically.
I hope you don't mind me giving your some critical feedback hon. I'm really looking forward to the next parts, and I wanted to be helpful. I hope my comments are. :)