Hey, sorry about the angst. But if I could make a suggestion for a future RA: give your residents a list of pertinent phone numbers--the one that's leaping immediately to mind is THE NUMBER FOR THE LOCAL POISON-CONTROL CENTER. Maybe Planned Parenthood, too, if the Catholics at the university wouldn't freak out.

...and for what it's worth, I may not have known you as long as a Shawna, but my instinct tells me you belong in college.