synapticjava: (Screw Logic)
( May. 29th, 2009 11:44 am)
I have no clue what the hell is giong on anymore. Last night on the way home I was listening to Les Mis - again, thank you, Susan Boyle - and at the crest of Come to Me I just started weeping uncontrollably. As in, I had to pull the car over until I could compose myself. And then again this morning listening to something else, just instrumental. Don't get me wrong, Come to Me is a good song from a great show,and I do tend to get emotional when it comes to certain shows, but that's not right. A) I don't really cry, b) I'm a grown man for god's sakes, that's just rediculous, c) really? Like, Really?

I've definetely cemented my goal of no dating or relationship at all until my next birthday. I don't like putting time limits on stuff like that, but I really feel like I need a whole year to myself to clear my head and get back to basics, figure out where I'm going (Seattle!) and what I want to do. I've spent most of my life with someone else or wishing I was with someone else or trying to please someone else. I won't be young forever and this is my time. So I'm going to use it. Anyway, that's how I'm living lately. But then an old friend in Chicago tried to set me up with this guy who lives about 45 minutes away from me. I figure there's no harm in making new friends, so we started chatting online. Further evidence the men I meet are jacked up: he has to testify at a trial. His situation sucks - it's against his former boyfriend who I guess beat and abused him when his pills ran out? - but seriously? Really? Who wants that baggage? I have my own thanks, and I think I'll schlep it around on my own. Drama ward's that way and please don't linger. Because I definetely am starting to think that I work better as a human being ALONE.

So there's that. Now I'm going to go rock out while cleaning up the apartment before work. One.more.shift. And then it's two days of NOTHING! I think I'm already starting to get a little woozy from the shear giddyness of not having to do anything.


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